Fact Or Fiction

[Alex Witt]

Fact or fiction I'll leave you in the past like I'm ditchin class. that's a fact because I don't know how to act. I live with a bunch of drug addicts who love to smack there lips and act like no one is listenin. It feels like a curse but I just spit a verse and everything seems to disburse from my conscious. And let's be honest you don't know what's racing through conscious. I'm really self conscious of the continuous nonsense I think of and I don't think of the consequences of my obnoxious responses. I do not have a guilty conscious because half the time I am semiconscious from all of the pills I be poppin. I could tip over the edge like the movie over the hedge. I'm a squirrel your a nut imma dig up old hurt to put you in the dirt. Then dig you up when I'm ready for my desert. In a blink of an eye you could be tied up with all of the lies, And left behind as a chalked outline. Your a faggot who stands with your tail between your legs and acts all dramatic. So stop with all the static before I turn back in to an addict and rip you up and store u up in my attic. I don't run or hind behind a bamboo fence, I don't give a f*ck what you sense Imma give you my true 2 sense thats full of dense knowledge because I'm on my way to graduate from college and your stuck in a 5th grader's knowledge.  I'm like a burnt fry theres no goin back to being nice. I add a little spice to the everyday life. There's a little spike in my life when I add my own flavors of life. It's like my heart is ready to start back up again and start a new life. I stand on my boulder, head high with broad shoulders because I know who I am I'm a man with a plan to take what they said I couldn't have and I will settle for nothin half. No one can take this You will have to kill me before you take it, and that's all I am sayin, now show me you ain't playin and do what you're sayin. Shut up and listen to my order your the peasant in the present and Im your master with your casket. I guess it's back to the slavery days back when blacks use to slave everyday and escape if they may. But now it's Mexicans who are in the way so I say lets take it back to the good ol days and make them my slaves for the rest of my living days. You can diss me with whatever you may say, but I gotta warn you that will be a big mistake, it will be the last thing you will ever say, and Youll be left in dismay. This is the first day of May. 6 days before my birthday so you better get me a cake to eat and not hurt me. Or I'll beat you when your 23. Replace 2 with a 3 and 3 with a 2 and that's the age I'm f*ckin beatin you. 

[TheSylentType]

Welcome on the forum Alex!

Could you put your lyrics in bars? It's quite a struggle to read the song like it is now

 

[boombastic]

Quote

 

Fact or fiction I'll leave you in the past like I'm ditchin class.

That's a fact because I don't know how to act.

I live with a bunch of drug addicts who love to smack there lips and act like no one is listenin

It feels like a curse but I just spit a verse and everything seems to disburse from my consciousness 

 

And let's be honest ___ you don't know what's racing through my conscious 

I'm really self conscious of the continuous nonsense I think of and I don't think of the consequences of my obnoxious responses.

 

 

I'mma stop there..

Again your flow is dope your subject matter is aight and your structure is garbage. When I was re-structuring your lyrics I said to myself "god dam... this could be dope as f*ck", let me explain.

Your first bar is dope, "FACT or FICTION ... DITCHIN CLASS" you set up a nice AB BC and your second bar is good too, but doesn't follow up on the scheme you set for yourself. You led with a jab, left, right and a uppercut in your first combo and then followed that up with two left overhands. You set this nice pace with your first combo and became more docile in your second. 

 

Your next bar is a perfect example of the use of syllables. If you noticed I only emphasized add from addicts, this is because you set your current scheme to a simple KT (act) to rhyme too. "A-KT & A-DUH" these two are close so that's good enough and could even open up your path to other words with more syllables that have DUH within them. Then your run back to your original scheme again with SMACK ACT, you're setting yourself up to run away from your house and with ADD & SMACK  you then run back to your house like you forgot something on your couch with ACT. 

 

Quote

 

It feels like a curse but I just spit a verse and everything seems to disburse from my consciousness 

 

 

 

 

This line is f*cking dope bro. Everything about it just works, it sets up a nice scheme and ends with a bridge. Cept you didn't build to it with your last 3 bars or even the previous one. Work on bridging and building up your rhyme scheme's structures from the start. 

 

The next two bars could be awesome if you just replaced the second conscious with something else. You're doing the act smack thing again here, but found an exit with consequences and obnoxious responses. 

 

You have a lot of potential dude I hope you keep working at it. Don't let what I said deflate but uplift. 

I want you to check out these videos.. This WILL feel like HOMEWORK because it is.

Assignments:

• Listen to heavily lyrical lyricists like Rakim, Nas, Brother Ali, Eminem, Proof, and whoever you enjoy listening to. Instead of just enjoying their music, open up their song here https://genius.com. Read their lyrics and pay attention to their rhyme schemes
• Watch the videos below and form simple rhyme structures
• Open up your vocabulary (reading a book, dictionary, watching a movie, listen to a podcast)

 

 

 

[Killer Bee]

I can't really grasp how the lyrics are supposed to flow because of the way you structured your post, but the content is dope and original. The lyrics don't look the best on paper but I'm willing to bet they sound fire on a beat with some good delivery, keep it up bro.

[Alex Witt]

Thank you so much man!! Really appreciate it. I just started doing this about a month ago, so I just wrote whatever came to my mind and diddnt even think about the structure and stuff like that. I am definitely going to do what you said and do that hw lol. Once again I really appreciate all that you have provided me to better my self as a writer.