Chalter

My first original song

24 posts in this topic

Hi guys, 

Here's my first attempt at a song, let me know what you think! :)

Thanks

 

 

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Dude, I'm vibing to this, well done! I love right at about 0:55 where is picks up and pans, I think thats a nice thing that you added! I don't know how much structure there is (verse, chorus, etc.) but the sound of it is fantastic!!

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Congratulations on getting the first one done and welcome to the rewarding world of songwriting...

 

This isn't really a song quite yet, but it's a good start. For one thing, you've got a nice 4-bar chord progression, but that's pretty much all you've come up with so far in terms of "songwriting". I would suggest coming up with some sort of contrasting section or sections, so that your piece as somewhere to go and somewhere to come back to. I like how you've pyramidded the instruments in the first minute, that's a good tried and true technique to start any song. I also wanted there to be a definable tune to it that you repeat and that can be remembered. Your soloing is fine, but I don't know that it stands alone.

 

Good start though!

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Posted (edited)

I agree with Jim that this doesn't sound "complete."  It needs a little bit of work before it stands on it's own.

 

Having said that, it's a hell of a start!  It was enjoyable as hell to listen to...it just felt like it needed something more.  I gotta say, vocals would fit in with this so very nicely.  A softly sung lyric with some falsetto backups would be stellar.

 

Edit:  By the way, I normally don't comment on posts by members who haven't contributed their own critiques on the forum, so consider it a compliment that I did, I suppose.  But for real...get participating.  You'll get more use out of this place if you do.

Edited by cutaia
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I'm not crazy about the lead guitar but I LOVE the rest! When it kicks in with the drums it feels really good. It moved me at that point, and that's what matters most to me. I felt it!

 

I think it needs vocals. The lead guitar part isn't enough to carry it as a song, in my opinion.... I think the lead would need to be something really amazing to pull this off as an instrumental... but then again...your first song? If you want to write guitar instrumentals just keep at it.

 

Mix would need a bit of work too, but I really love the vibe. Aside from the lead, it's one of the most enjoyable new tunes I've heard in a while.... I could listen to that progression with that vibe for ages, and some dreamy vocals floating over would be the icing. I like it reverby by the way, but suppose that could be refined...

 

When you reply...say a bit more about what you use (DAW wise)...what your plans are for developing it (if any) ...  and what kind of feedback you're looking for.

 

Great first tune

 

Dek

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On 3/8/2017 at 8:49 PM, brycebad said:

Dude, I'm vibing to this, well done! I love right at about 0:55 where is picks up and pans, I think thats a nice thing that you added! I don't know how much structure there is (verse, chorus, etc.) but the sound of it is fantastic!!

Thanks! I'll agree with that, I never really thought too deeply about the structure so I guess that shows, thanks for the advice.

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On 3/8/2017 at 11:06 PM, Jim of Seattle said:

Congratulations on getting the first one done and welcome to the rewarding world of songwriting...

 

This isn't really a song quite yet, but it's a good start. For one thing, you've got a nice 4-bar chord progression, but that's pretty much all you've come up with so far in terms of "songwriting". I would suggest coming up with some sort of contrasting section or sections, so that your piece as somewhere to go and somewhere to come back to. I like how you've pyramidded the instruments in the first minute, that's a good tried and true technique to start any song. I also wanted there to be a definable tune to it that you repeat and that can be remembered. Your soloing is fine, but I don't know that it stands alone.

 

Good start though!

Thank you! Hopefully the start of a long journey! :D


I see what you're saying about the contrasting sections, I guess I just wanted to build up to the solo in the pyramid structure like you said. I'll make sure to consider structure more next time :)

I was never quite happy with the solo but I've been practicing at that a lot more since so hopefully it'll be better on the next one.

 

Thanks again for the advice!

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On 3/10/2017 at 4:25 PM, cutaia said:

I agree with Jim that this doesn't sound "complete."  It needs a little bit of work before it stands on it's own.

 

Having said that, it's a hell of a start!  It was enjoyable as hell to listen to...it just felt like it needed something more.  I gotta say, vocals would fit in with this so very nicely.  A softly sung lyric with some falsetto backups would be stellar.

 

Edit:  By the way, I normally don't comment on posts by members who haven't contributed their own critiques on the forum, so consider it a compliment that I did, I suppose.  But for real...get participating.  You'll get more use out of this place if you do.

Cheers! Vocals is the next step but I'm a pretty dreadful singer:)

 

I'm looking to contribute some of my own critiques but I'm wary that I don't really have a clue what I'm doing. I think I'd rather give no advice than bad advice. Having said that I'll look into something I feel like I can contribute

Thanks again!

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23 hours ago, MonoStone said:

I'm not crazy about the lead guitar but I LOVE the rest! When it kicks in with the drums it feels really good. It moved me at that point, and that's what matters most to me. I felt it!

 

I think it needs vocals. The lead guitar part isn't enough to carry it as a song, in my opinion.... I think the lead would need to be something really amazing to pull this off as an instrumental... but then again...your first song? If you want to write guitar instrumentals just keep at it.

 

Mix would need a bit of work too, but I really love the vibe. Aside from the lead, it's one of the most enjoyable new tunes I've heard in a while.... I could listen to that progression with that vibe for ages, and some dreamy vocals floating over would be the icing. I like it reverby by the way, but suppose that could be refined...

 

When you reply...say a bit more about what you use (DAW wise)...what your plans are for developing it (if any) ...  and what kind of feedback you're looking for.

 

Great first tune

 

Dek

Thank you so much!

I was never satisfied fully with the lead so I'm aware that that could be improved, I've been practicing at that a lot more so hopefully the next one will be better! I'd love to add vocals but I'm an appalling singer, do you have any advice on improving your voice?

 

I'm using a Presonus AudioBox USB to record my guitar and Presonus Studio One as my DAW. This doesn't seem to be too popular but it was included with the hardware and I didn't want to spend too much, are there any DAWs (or other equipment) it would be worth investing in?

For this song, I'm going to leave it as it is, I think it'll be more productive for me to take on board all this advice and move on to something else.

I didn't really have any specific area I wanted feedback on, just the song as a whole. I'm sure once I've got a few more songs under my belt, I'll be looking for feedback in more specific areas

 

Thanks again for the advice!!! :D 

 

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Nice first song. I was hoping for vocals to start so that was kind of a let down. Other than that, I enjoyed the tune :)

 

Cheers

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15 hours ago, Simon Darveau said:

Nice first song. I was hoping for vocals to start so that was kind of a let down. Other than that, I enjoyed the tune :)

 

Cheers

Thanks! Hopefully there will be vocals in the future :D 

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On 3/13/2017 at 6:20 PM, Chalter said:

I'm using a Presonus AudioBox USB to record my guitar and Presonus Studio One as my DAW. This doesn't seem to be too popular but it was included with the hardware and I didn't want to spend too much, are there any DAWs (or other equipment) it would be worth investing in?

For this song, I'm going to leave it as it is, I think it'll be more productive for me to take on board all this advice and move on to something else.

Choice of DAW is just down to what works for you. If your music is mostly guitar based then I doubt it makes much difference which DAW, other than what feels comfortable to you. I use Reason, as a few others here do, but that's just my preference and it's not the cheapest, it comes with a lot of instruments and effects... and I think it's good for inventing your own sounds and effects.

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Drums clearly rule in this piece...

Like the melody... There is something hypnotic in this tune...

Nice start...

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On 3/17/2017 at 0:36 PM, Matthew76 said:

Drums clearly rule in this piece...

Like the melody... There is something hypnotic in this tune...

Nice start...

Thank you! :D

 

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Grats on finishing your first song!

 

I thought there were some good ideas, and the vibe was pretty good. Vocals would work great in this song.

 

It needs a changeup in chord progression at some point in the tune. I wasn't crazy about the massive reverb in the intro and the end. The guitar melody could be more fluid, and there are some slight intonation issues. I would use either a clean guitar or massively overdriven sound for the melody (personally, I would go for clean and thick); the in-between guitar sound is just not quite right for this song.

 

You are now officially a songwriter.

 

Peace,

TC

Edited by TCgypsy
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16 hours ago, TCgypsy said:

Grats on finishing your first song!

 

I thought there were some good ideas, and the vibe was pretty good. Vocals would work great in this song.

 

It needs a changeup in chord progression at some point in the tune. I wasn't crazy about the massive reverb in the intro and the end. The guitar melody could be more fluid, and there are some slight intonation issues. I would use either a clean guitar or massively overdriven sound for the melody (personally, I would go for clean and thick); the in-between guitar sound is just not quite right for this song.

 

You are now officially a songwriter.

 

Peace,

TC

Thanks for all the suggestions! :D

 

 

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@Chalter, this is a cool instrumental idea and that intro was really slick! Looking forward to hearing more compositions from you, Chalter.

 

Ken

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19 hours ago, ImKeN said:

@Chalter, this is a cool instrumental idea and that intro was really slick! Looking forward to hearing more compositions from you, Chalter.

 

Ken

Thanks Ken! I'm looking forward to making them :D

 

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Instrumental's really cool and overall, the song has a good vibe. The guitar is catchy as well. Dunno what else to say - everything has been pretty much said already.

But anyway, good work, keep it up :) 

 

Anonymous9

 

 

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1 hour ago, Anonymous9 said:

Instrumental's really cool and overall, the song has a good vibe. The guitar is catchy as well. Dunno what else to say - everything has been pretty much said already.

But anyway, good work, keep it up :) 

 

Anonymous9

 

 

Cheers :)

 

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Good job and congrats in doing your first song![smiley=luxhello.gif]  I can't think of much that can be as frustrating or rewarding at the same time...Like everyone else said some vocals and a little change-up would really fit the music well....and don't worry so much about your voice, Bob Dylan never had a great voice and look how it worked for him.  I like the vibe in this...I felt the drum entry was spot-on and powerful....I think you've got some good instincts!  I hope you keep working with it, I'd love to hear what you do with it.

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20 hours ago, JH Michaels said:

Good job and congrats in doing your first song![smiley=luxhello.gif]  I can't think of much that can be as frustrating or rewarding at the same time...Like everyone else said some vocals and a little change-up would really fit the music well....and don't worry so much about your voice, Bob Dylan never had a great voice and look how it worked for him.  I like the vibe in this...I felt the drum entry was spot-on and powerful....I think you've got some good instincts!  I hope you keep working with it, I'd love to hear what you do with it.

Thank you! I'm definitely going to start working on vocals for future songs :)

 

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I like the chord progressions and production - even if it is not very developed. You could add some really relaxing vocals and harmonies and make this a nice beachy track though so good start and it could really go somewhere with structure and a story line :)

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23 hours ago, AlexVIII said:

I like the chord progressions and production - even if it is not very developed. You could add some really relaxing vocals and harmonies and make this a nice beachy track though so good start and it could really go somewhere with structure and a story line :)

Thank you :D

 

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