• Announcements

    • Songstuff

      New Chat App   06/02/2017

      We have a new chat app available. You will need to sign up for it. You can pick up the invite link at the top of your member hub page:   http://forums.songstuff.com/member/hub/   Remember to use your Songstuff registered email and user name when you sign up! Using the invite link will automatically add you to the Songstuff chat channel.
crystalsuzy

I Thought I Married A Saint!

14 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Hi all,

Sorry I've been haven't been active on this forum for so long, but I've been dealing with some health issues :( 

This is a rather poor attempt at writing a bizarre country song with a twist...it's suppose to be humorous, and hopefully somewhat entertaining :unsure:

I definitely don't have the voice for country, so I've doubled tracked the vocals :rolleyes: I know it's on the long side, but does it keep your interest till the end?

I've had a hard time mixing/producing this, so if there's anything anyone hears that isn't quite right, please let me know [smiley=hippy.gif]

 


https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/i-thought-id-married-a-saint

So friends lend me an ear, cause your about to hear
The ballad of Kate and Jim.
No he couldn’t stop cheat’n, so she could never win

I thought I’d married a saint; my white knight had finally arrived
But when he left me with his baby, I began to realize
He was just a man in a silver coat, and not much of one at that
Cause he could never be faithful; but I always took him back
(Ya, she always took him back: just one more time she say;
This will be your last chance)

While I was in, having his baby; he was out, fooling around
With a pretty young lady living high on the town…
Secret picnics, on the beach; and then they’d wine and dine
I was home with our newborn; so I didn’t read the signs
(No she didn’t read the signs)

Oh he could be so sweet, and very charming too
I believed his lies; I knew, I knew his love was true
I was naïve and foolish; my heart was very young
Until one day, he exposed himself, with a slip of his lying tongue

He had the eyes of an angel…he cheated like the devil
The tongue of a serpent… he cheated like the devil
And his heart lay buried in his jeans

I thought I’d married a saint; my white knight had finally arrived
But when he left me with his baby, I began to realize
He was just a man in a silver coat, and not much of one at that
But that was his last chance; I swore I’d never take him back
(She swore she’d never take him back: that was his last and final chance)

But then he showed up on my doorstep, with flowers in his hand
He said, I’m so sorry babe; I wasn’t much of a man
But don’t you worry honey; you’re the only one for me
I can change; you just wait and see;
We’re gonna be happy; a happy family
(This is the last time baby)

So he moved us to the big city, to start a brand new life
He swore she was gone for good; he’d be faithful to his wife
But then it all started again, and I couldn’t ignore the signs
But he denied it over and over; I was going, out of my mind

She could read the signs this time
She found her bra in his pocket
Her panties in his jeans
And her name, tattooed right on his buttocks

She was going, out of her mind,
With a baby on her hip, and another on the way
Where would she do; where would she stay?
What was she going to do?

She decided, she’d have to kill her, kill her in cold blood
(a crime of passion, said the judge)
Now she’s finally free, serving time behind bars
While he’s home looking after, the kids;
Now ain’t that just a cruel, cruel twist?

Edited by crystalsuzy
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Suzy, 

 

Well... that aint no country music! But maybe you've invented a new genre - Space Country? It's one of the strangest songs I've heard, but really enjoyable!

 

If I was critiquing this as a usual song I'd say there are a few pitch issues and some timing issues, maybe times when the melody and flow lose direction... but the way you do it makes that work for you...it adds to the trippy effect and enhances the parts that feel more together. I mean this really is a trip, and a strange trip. If you polished it up to perfection, it might not be such a trip...I'm not sure. 

 

Yes it kept my interest from start to finish. Personally I'd say don't try to 'fix' things too much. You have your style and it's unique. I listen to some Hawkwind and Gong songs and the parts where they kind of lose it a bit add character that I really like... it adds confusion which then makes it feel extra good when it comes together again.

 

So... Great song! I wouldn't worry about making it more country or trying to refine it too much, unless you honestly don't like the space cadet kind of image.

 

Dek

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Original and fun, as always...

Very cool song, Suzy... Love the singing and the sound of the instruments...

Nice construction till the end... Love the passage at 3:13... And nice the way the piece evolves to the end...

Well done, Miss!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, I thought this was fun. And too long. Just when it gets exciting, the song is over. In other words, we get the pattern much sooner, so get to the murder! Make a whole verse out of the murder itself. Another verse about the judge and jail. Cut half of the stuff prior to the murder. 

 

Also, a little confusing moment, it starts off about the story of Kate and Jim, as if you are an external narrator, but then you are the voice of Kate. That was confusing. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2017-03-10 at 2:39 AM, MonoStone said:

Hi Suzy,

 

Well... that aint no country music! But maybe you've invented a new genre - Space Country? It's one of the strangest songs I've heard, but really enjoyable!

 

If I was critiquing this as a usual song I'd say there are a few pitch issues and some timing issues, maybe times when the melody and flow lose direction... but the way you do it makes that work for you...it adds to the trippy effect and enhances the parts that feel more together. I mean this really is a trip, and a strange trip. If you polished it up to perfection, it might not be such a trip...I'm not sure. 

 

Yes it kept my interest from start to finish. Personally I'd say don't try to 'fix' things too much. You have your style and it's unique. I listen to some Hawkwind and Gong songs and the parts where they kind of lose it a bit add character that I really like... it adds confusion which then makes it feel extra good when it comes together again.

 

So... Great song! I wouldn't worry about making it more country or trying to refine it too much, unless you honestly don't like the space cadet kind of image.

 

Dek

 

Thanks so much for your supportive comments, Dek.   It's seems no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get the 'space-cadet' out of any genres I write...even almost country! :rolleyes: But I like the 'space country' thing :D

I think there are more than a 'few' pitch/timing issues, but I can't seem to pin-point them :blush: If you could point out a few places that it's off, I'd really appreciate it, but don't

worry if you don't have the time.

Thanks again for enjoying the enjoying the trippy uniqueness of this track [smiley=hippy.gif]

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great work and I liked the story (Dylan like story :) ) and would not change anything. The only part that I wanted to alter was:

 

"I was home with our newborn; so I didn’t read the signs"

 

I am not sure if music allows it but I would remove "so" holding words till "I didn't" kicks in. Something like :

 

"I was home with our newborn, ..... I didn’t read the signs"

 

If you really need to squeeze in something instead of "so" use "and":

"I was home with our newborn, and I didn’t read the signs"

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow Suzie....that was a long, strange trip.  I agree with Dek that you've created the whole new genre "space country"  The song was interesting, different (normal for you), but I felt too long.  All the change-ups helped with that, but by the end I was thinking your character should have done him in at about verse three....lol.  IMHO, I would cut out the intro verse....it seems superfluous to me and switches immediately from 3rd person to 1st.  Your three line verse 5....cracked me up and I almost spewed coffee all over my computer.  Great lines!  So I have to know in verse 9....if her bra was in his pocket....and her panties in his jeans....he must have been wearing them?  Not too subtle on his part.....again I almost lost my coffee.  The vocals were so varied and surreal in most places, I really don't know if you could say that they were pitch issues.  It just 'worked' with the song.  Overall, I think a nice job.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2017-03-10 at 6:02 AM, Matthew76 said:

Original and fun, as always...

Very cool song, Suzy... Love the singing and the sound of the instruments...

Nice construction till the end... Love the passage at 3:13... And nice the way the piece evolves to the end...

Well done, Miss!

Thank you for your very kind review Matthew. I had a lot of fun doing that part at 3:13, so I'm glad you liked it [smiley=hippy.gif]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2017-03-10 at 2:55 PM, Jim of Seattle said:

Yeah, I thought this was fun. And too long. Just when it gets exciting, the song is over. In other words, we get the pattern much sooner, so get to the murder! Make a whole verse out of the murder itself. Another verse about the judge and jail. Cut half of the stuff prior to the murder. 

 

Also, a little confusing moment, it starts off about the story of Kate and Jim, as if you are an external narrator, but then you are the voice of Kate. That was confusing. 

Thanks Jim. You could be right about getting to the murder sooner, but it was kind of ad-libed as I went along. Also, I felt that I needed to set it up really well before the murder:unsure:

I guess you're right about the confusion of who's telling the story...I wanted Kate to tell the story, but with comments thrown in from the external narrator, but maybe it doesn't

quite work :unsure: Your opinion means a lot, so thanks again. [smiley=hippy.gif]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is fun and wacky! It seems like there was a lot of work put into this, and I was thoroughly entertained.

 

The over-dubbing vocals seems a little off somehow, and muffled, or like there's too much high frequency, particularly in the male voice.

 

That slow change in feel toward the end is very cool. And the instrumental portion at the end is really cool too. Musically, the instrumentation is awesome, and particularly the ending is really nice. It's really just the vocal work that needs tightening in my opinion.

 

I love your unique style, so different from most of what you hear out there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Man what a crazy trip! 

 

I could see this being used in a musical...as I was listening I could picture people acting it out while singing...

 

I too think it is long but appreciate the changes throughout that you made to keep it pretty interesting.

 

Super creative and very entertaining.

 

Ricky

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2017-03-15 at 8:08 PM, Max spb said:

Great work and I liked the story (Dylan like story :) ) and would not change anything. The only part that I wanted to alter was:

 

"I was home with our newborn; so I didn’t read the signs"

 

I am not sure if music allows it but I would remove "so" holding words till "I didn't" kicks in. Something like :

 

"I was home with our newborn, ..... I didn’t read the signs"

 

If you really need to squeeze in something instead of "so" use "and":

"I was home with our newborn, and I didn’t read the signs"

 

 

 

thanks for listening, Max and I'm glad you liked the song. I like the 'Dylan like' reference :) Maybe you're right about dropping the 'so'...I'll give it a try [smiley=hippy.gif]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2017-03-16 at 10:10 AM, JH Michaels said:

Wow Suzie....that was a long, strange trip.  I agree with Dek that you've created the whole new genre "space country"  The song was interesting, different (normal for you), but I felt too long.  All the change-ups helped with that, but by the end I was thinking your character should have done him in at about verse three....lol.  IMHO, I would cut out the intro verse....it seems superfluous to me and switches immediately from 3rd person to 1st.  Your three line verse 5....cracked me up and I almost spewed coffee all over my computer.  Great lines!  So I have to know in verse 9....if her bra was in his pocket....and her panties in his jeans....he must have been wearing them?  Not too subtle on his part.....again I almost lost my coffee.  The vocals were so varied and surreal in most places, I really don't know if you could say that they were pitch issues.  It just 'worked' with the song.  Overall, I think a nice job.

Thanks so much JH, and I hope you didn't ruin your computer with the coffee spill :D This is kind of a true story, except for the murder at the end, so I guess I have a hard time leaving anything out, which is why it's so long, but I guess I don't need to have the intro bit, although it's sets it up, for the 'external commenters' :unsure: I was doing all the voices, including the low ones, so it was difficult to get them in perfect pitch, cause I dropped the key a few times :blush: I think I'll leave the 'panties and bra verse' up to your own interpretation. :rolleyes: I'm glad you got a kick out of it, even though it was a little long [smiley=hippy.gif]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I cracked up laughing a few times on first play lol  The musicianship is pretty awesome and your vocals are so sweet it really matches the female character in the lyrics. Cool song, crystalsuzy!

 

Ken

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.