Lyrics Writing Challenge: Spring

[john]

Hi Gang

 

We are re-launching lyrics challenges, so it might take a little time to get the numbers of members taking part to a good level....

 

Please invite other members and non-members you think might enjoy a regular lyrics writing challenge!

 

The purpose of these lyrics challenges is not just fun. They are intended to expand experience, building lyrics skills and understanding, and to help each writer to make contact and collaborate with other writers.

 

The first challenge is something many songwriters struggle with. Being positive without being too cheesey!

 

The Challenge

 

The first week long challenge is to write an upbeat song about or related to the season "spring". Try and reflect the feeling of spring in your write. The challenge will last 7 days, from draft to finished work.

 

1. You will first post a draft in reply to this topic.
2. Your wok will then be critiqued by other participating members.
3. After 7 days, you will then be asked to post your finished work as a topic with an attached poll, asking specific questions (we can help you create these topics), labelled "Challenge Spring Lyrics: Your Title" within this challenge board.

 

Post your work as soon as possible as replies to this topic.

 

Discussion of the lyrics is an important aspect of the challenge. Expect frank and honest critique from other members, and remember, this is primarily a personal challenge. When we run a poll for each finished set of finished lyrics it is to inform you and to help you grow.

 

So please, write your lyrics, post them as replies and then take part in the analysis and development of your own and other member's lyrics.

 

Have fun!

 

Cheers

 

John

[Pahchisme Plaid]

I'll be participating. 

[Pahchisme Plaid]

Here's one of my two submissions for the "Spring" lyric challenge.  I wasn't sure about this one, so I did another.  This is sort of a silly one.

 

My Springtime Song  (It Feels So Good!)
lyrics by Kc Chad © 2017

 

My Springtime song
 got my mudboots on
slip-sliding along
leaving skids like a car
leaves black on the tar
Fingerpaints by foot
Squiggle, gobbledy gook
And it feels so good!

 

My Springtime song
 got my mudboots on
splish-spashing in ponds
Mom says I need waders
when I wrestle them gators
scales of bark on logs
near the edge of the pond
Ah!  It feels so good!

 

My Springtime song
I got my mudboots on
I'm swish-swashing along
splashing with an aim (to)
create tsunami waves
in those puddles like ponds
My shade of fun!
And it feels so good!

 

My Springtime song
I got my mud boots on
I'm heading for home
soaked to my underpants
My noggin's duly drenched drizzling drips strings of hair
And it feels so good!

 

Springtime, Springtime,
pie is on, make me a cake
that packs a crunch. (crunch, crunch)
 

[Pahchisme Plaid]

Here's my other submission.

 

Awaken
Lyrics by Kc Chad ©2017

Sparkle of dew on blades of green
Sprouts emerge from dormant seed
Sun rays bounce through shadow of trees
a delightful dance

 

Awaken life
Awaken song
Awaken warmth
Arouse the morning

 

The buzz of bees hover the buds
crawling through petals closed
pollen feet, shy petals unfold
turn your blush to smiles

 

Awaken life
Awaken song
Awaken warmth
Arouse the morning

 

Constructing a nest, fibers entwined
builds her home, every glide
New bed for eggs, purposeful flight
Hope spurring her work

 

Awaken life
Awaken song
Awaken warmth
Arouse the morning

 

Bridge:
Spring long awaited
ice and cold abated
death foregone
life bursting strong
Hope satiated and satisfied

 

Curse of cold ground, you steal for death
buried down, life's in you yet
waiting to be awakened, with warmth and quenching rain
Sheathe your blade, cold breath

 

Awaken life
Awaken song
Awaken warmth
Arouse the morning

Arouse the morning.
 

[john]

I have a song called Awaken

 

I am short of time just now but I will come back to these.

 

Any others willing to rise to the challenge?

 

We are having an issue sending out our newsletter just now, so I will probably extend this challenge for an extra week.

[Timbre]

I've been thinking about this challenge all week, but haven't had time to join in. An extra week would be great!

 

~T

[McnaughtonPark]

I've always had, well not alaways but for last last 5 or so years, trouble writing upbeat songs.  I want too though.

 

this thing is a first draft mess, I wrote it last night in bed after singing the helium line just before turning in.  I didn't want to forget it so I whipped out the phone and this is where it ended up before I fell asleep.

 

Won't you walk with me
Along the ocean floor
We could watch the ships that sail
From Spain to Hannibal 
You could have me anytime 
I could be your careless fun
Rising out of the surprise 
I could be your helium

 

Winter lasts too long
For a girl as free as you
All the glitter of the earth
darkened by the frosty gloom
spring is almost here
I can feel it in the sun
We could chance a little fire
I could be your helium

 

springtime, summertime, be mine, rewind

 

Yellow red and green and blue
Filling up the lonely sky
The clouds are like balloons
You can see them if you try
I've never been so full of wonder
You're the one need to I love
We could leave this all behind
Let me be your helium

 

springtime, summertime, be mine, rewind

 

Break the cylinder of sand
Throw it up against the wall
Time's a woven span
It hasn't stopped, it never will
Before this spring is over
And summer has begun
We could sail the universe 
If I was your helium

 

springtime, summertime, be mine, rewind

 

[McnaughtonPark]

I don't see a follow tab today

[McnaughtonPark]

On 3/15/2017 at 3:44 PM, Pahchisme Plaid said:

Here's one of my two submissions for the "Spring" lyric challenge.  I wasn't sure about this one, so I did another.  This is sort of a silly one.

 

My Springtime Song  (It Feels So Good!)
lyrics by Kc Chad © 2017

 

My Springtime song
 got my mudboots on
slip-sliding along
leaving skids like a car
leaves black on the tar
Fingerpaints by foot
Squiggle, gobbledy gook
And it feels so good!

 

My Springtime song
 got my mudboots on
splish-spashing in ponds
Mom says I need waders
when I wrestle them gators
scales of bark on logs
near the edge of the pond
Ah!  It feels so good!

 

My Springtime song
I got my mudboots on
I'm swish-swashing along
splashing with an aim (to)
create tsunami waves
in those puddles like ponds
My shade of fun!
And it feels so good!

 

My Springtime song
I got my mud boots on
I'm heading for home
soaked to my underpants
My noggin's duly drenched drizzling drips strings of hair
And it feels so good!

 

Springtime, Springtime,
pie is on, make me a cake
that packs a crunch. (crunch, crunch)
 

Of the two, I like this one better.  It has a wonderful carefree feel and although they both have some good imagery, this one seems to move better.  

 

Nice work on both tho, enjoyed the read.

[Timbre]

On 3/15/2017 at 4:44 PM, Pahchisme Plaid said:

My Springtime song
I got my mudboots on
I'm swish-swashing along
splashing with an aim (to)
create tsunami waves
in those puddles like ponds
My shade of fun!
And it feels so good!

This was fun! Lots of great imagery. Reminded me of the Eve Merriam poem "Cheers" that uses a lot of sound devices like "s" sounds and onomatopoeia (like swish-swashing) to really amplify the words. Following that idea I was thinking that you could turn up the sound in a few places and end each stanza with your main hook. I didn't think the secondary hook was needed because the words already had a "feel-good" vibe. For example:

 

I got my mudboots on

Swish-swashing along

Splashing all the way

Creating crashing waves

In these puddles and ponds

My springtime song

 

Just an idea to try on for size. Enjoyed it! ~T

[Timbre]

1 hour ago, McnaughtonPark said:

Winter lasts too long
For a girl as free as you
All the glitter of the earth
darkened by the frosty gloom
spring is almost here
I can feel it in the sun
We could chance a little fire
I could be your helium

Love the hook. Could play up all the properties of helium a bit more throughout (lighter than air, floating etc) to make the most of it.  I especially like the fire and helium combo for that little bit of edge/danger.

 

From the perspective of the challenge, I got a clear sense of the transition to spring but not much of a happy vibe. The singer is asking/persuading/offering/begging and there's a sense of tension in that. It's clear how the singer wants things to go, but it's up to the girl to decide so its hard to strike a carefree quality. Injecting some humor into it might lighten things up.

 

Loads of good stuff, otherwise. ~T

 

 

[McnaughtonPark]

1 hour ago, Timbre said:

Love the hook. Could play up all the properties of helium a bit more throughout (lighter than air, floating etc) to make the most of it.  I especially like the fire and helium combo for that little bit of edge/danger.

 

From the perspective of the challenge, I got a clear sense of the transition to spring but not much of a happy vibe. The singer is asking/persuading/offering/begging and there's a sense of tension in that. It's clear how the singer wants things to go, but it's up to the girl to decide so its hard to strike a carefree quality. Injecting some humor into it might lighten things up.

 

Loads of good stuff, otherwise. ~T

 

 

Ugh, I'm seriously stuck in gloom.  It's been going on so long.  Even when I listen to happy, giddy, no thought involved at all music, I think how useless and trite it sounds.  

 

So so I started with some happy chords, G, D, C, and tried to bring a happy melody on board with them.  It kind of works, but you're right about the tension. The words didn't quite break through the solemn bubble.

 

thanks T

[Pahchisme Plaid]

Hey, MP, I think it happens.  I see it a lot and I've had short-term experiences with it.  I don't know whereabouts you live, but I find the long, cold winter contributes.  The sunshine helps. Try some of those yellow tinted sunglasses, basking in a patch of sun coming through the window, getting sufficient sleep, listening to some fun music --dance to it, and take some good doses of vitamin D.  Lastly, you may have to reflect on your outdoor fun as a child for inspiration.  Laughing helps too.  I hope you have friends that make you laugh--that works pretty well for me.  I'm trying not to assume too much so I hope this doesn't seem to minimize a depressive state.  I'll be back for a look at your lyrics when my brain is cooperating better.

[Timbre]

I am also carefree-challenged right now. Playing some happy chords is a good idea. I'm going to take that idea and put together a "happy" play list to get in the right mood. Good tip!

[john]

3 hours ago, McnaughtonPark said:

I don't see a follow tab today

 

[john]

39 minutes ago, McnaughtonPark said:

Ugh, I'm seriously stuck in gloom.  It's been going on so long.  Even when I listen to happy, giddy, no thought involved at all music, I think how useless and trite it sounds.  

 

So so I started with some happy chords, G, D, C, and tried to bring a happy melody on board with them.  It kind of works, but you're right about the tension. The words didn't quite break through the solemn bubble.

 

thanks T

 

Hey MP

 

It is a common problem, especially about common topics. The thing is, pretty well everything has been said before. A lot more often than we like to think.

 

Still that doesn't mean we should not strive to be original. Personally, I think honesty and authenticity trump trying to be original in thought, because the originality is often borne from who we are and how we naturally express ourselves.

 

So, for example, if you were talking to someone on the verge of suicide, you would not want to be hitting them with many disposable song lyrics talking of spring, but you would want them to feel hope, to realistically grow to become optimistic. You would share, you would listen. You would say important things and talk of fundamental and oft repeated truths. You would not want to sell them a lie, but I go back to giving them hope, alternatives and some support.

 

Even going out the door, or going into a party, people need support. Even upbeat people need upbeat amped up tracks to get them in a party zone. And that is what songs can do. Not everything needs to be unique. Just because it has been said 100,000 times, maybe it is your time that gets through to people who need a positive and uplifting song at that time?

 

Try setting aside your criticality over originality, and focus on who you are speaking to and what you want to say... lyrically and musically. Be unapologetic, and say it in your way. Any cheese can be melted by genuine emotion and honesty. See what I did there? Cheesy yet endearing  lol

[McnaughtonPark]

1 hour ago, john said:

 

 

1 hour ago, john said:

 

I found it at the bottom of the page, lol, I was looking at the top

[McnaughtonPark]

The challenge is a good.  It made me think this may be exactly what I need.   I write to hide myself in the words, if you read the first version as the lyric talking to me, the lyric is the helium, it makes better sense.....to me.  But, I can't keep doing that so here is the rewrite, not from the lyrics perspective but mine and a scratch track

 

 

Helium

 

Take a walk with me
Along the ocean floor
We'll watch the ships that sail
From Spain to Hannibal
The octopus of time
Will never reach our endless fun
Rising out of the surprise
I could be your helium

 

Springtime, summertime
Hit me with a rewind, soon
Springtime, summertime
Hit me with a rewind, soon

 

Winter lasts too long
For a girl like you
All the glitter of the world
Covered by a frosty gloom
Spring is almost here
I can feel it in the sun
We could chance a little fire
I could be your helium

 

Springtime, summertime
Hit me with a rewind, soon
Springtime, summertime
Hit me with a rewind, soon

 

Yellow, red and green and blue
Fill up the brand new sky
Clouds look like balloons
You can see them if you try
Chase them 'round in circles
Laughing in delirium
We could pass them in a rocket
I could be your helium

 

Springtime, summertime
Hit me with a rewind, soon
Springtime, summertime
Hit me with a rewind, soon

 

[McnaughtonPark]

1 hour ago, john said:

 

Hey MP

 

It is a common problem, especially about common topics. The thing is, pretty well everything has been said before. A lot more often than we like to think.

 

Still that doesn't mean we should not strive to be original. Personally, I think honesty and authenticity trump trying to be original in thought, because the originality is often borne from who we are and how we naturally express ourselves.

 

So, for example, if you were talking to someone on the verge of suicide, you would not want to be hitting them with many disposable song lyrics talking of spring, but you would want them to feel hope, to realistically grow to become optimistic. You would share, you would listen. You would say important things and talk of fundamental and oft repeated truths. You would not want to sell them a lie, but I go back to giving them hope, alternatives and some support.

 

Even going out the door, or going into a party, people need support. Even upbeat people need upbeat amped up tracks to get them in a party zone. And that is what songs can do. Not everything needs to be unique. Just because it has been said 100,000 times, maybe it is your time that gets through to people who need a positive and uplifting song at that time?

 

Try setting aside your criticality over originality, and focus on who you are speaking to and what you want to say... lyrically and musically. Be unapologetic, and say it in your way. Any cheese can be melted by genuine emotion and honesty. See what I did there? Cheesy yet endearing  lol

Yea, I try to remain grateful for things, one of them is I don't have to have my shit together to write, lol, or I would be in big trouble, lol, big trouble.

 

I have tried really hard not to write as if I was only repeating what has been said before, writing in cliché terms.  I know I don't always succeed but I have concentrated a lot of effort in that area.  Even to the point of trying to destroy cliché images with other images.  "Her moon fell over and her sky went numb"  from my last effort.  That was a destructive line.  But many people don't get what I say most of the time, which is partly because it's not what they expect and partly because of the non repetitive nature of all this.  A second or third read or listen, a fourth or fifth listen or read, a settling in period, a contemplation period. (and I get down on myself for not having a better voice or not playing well enough which are both attractive aspects of songwriting)

 

Although sometimes I do try to be clever, that is usually seen as overdoing it.  The thing is, for me, if it's not said a new way, I might as well be doing cover songs.  I get bored easily, I'm the guy who turns off the radio if the singer sings what I expect them to sing.  If their next phrase or word is a cliché...that's it, I turn it off.   

[McnaughtonPark]

Unless you mean honesty like this John.  Still in its infancy stage because I can't decide on a hook or hook placement or rhyme scheme or song structure or bridge .  It's an attempt at plain speaking and honesty which was inspired by your mentioning talking to someone about suicide.  That's all I have to say about that.

 

Springtime 
people get crazy
Start thinking things
That get em nowhere
 Like how a bullet
Holds the answer
For a problem
That won't go away

 

Lovers
Start feeling empty
Suspicion lurking
Behind their eyes
Futures 
Start getting frizzy
All getting tangled
In Their own demise 

 

But don't give up yet
Look at that old man
You think he never 
Felt this down
You think he was happy
Every morning 
You think he never
Had a care in the world

 

Who said this was easy
They were fools then
Probably got pleasure
From seeing you squirm 
Cause nothing's cheap here
It all costs something
The deeper it hurts
The more you care

 

It's like the seasons
There's a winter
Cold blowing blizzards
Dark most the time
Then there's spring
It can be harder
Whenever change 
Leaves us behind

 

There's at least two ways
To look at answers
It's either quit now
And never know
Or you could step out
Into the spring air
Believing deep down
You're not alone

 

We've all been there
come out the far side
Those say they haven't 
They're f*cking liars
Or else they're insane 
Either way though 
Keep your distance 
Leave them behind

 

Sun's about up
It's almost morning
We almost made it
Through another night
Let's get some breakfast
Smell the coffee
Sit outside
And feel the sun

 

Ain't saying it's over
Ain't saying you're all done
There's many more nights
We'll do this again
 I'm grateful this time
This time we made it
We made it together
Together as friends