JH Michaels

Missing You

16 posts in this topic

Hey all.....life has been quite a turmoil lately, so I haven't been able to do much recording.  Here is one I'm working on....I'm mostly looking for crits in the the lyrics, overall song flow and my biggest bugaboo...timing .  Production....well....I'm learning some new things but it's still my weakest point.  Consider this a work in progress.  As always, any and all comments are welcome....(hint:  'you suck' is not helpful):rolleyes:

 

Missing You

copyright 2017 JH Michaels, all rights reserved

 

Verse 1:

I look around and I'm all alone

How do I stop this empty ache in my soul

Our life was bright as a sunny day

Since you're gone it all fades to gray

 

Refrain:

Every day, and every way, oh.. I'm missing you

Every day, and every way, oh.. I'm missing you

 

Verse 2:

I tried to find a way to make you stay

But no matter what I did, you went anyway

It's you I find I...I really need

So that my heart won't continue to bleed

 

Refrain

 

Verse 3:

What do we do when it's all gone bad

And we're just a shadow of the dreams we had

Somehow I wish it could be

The way it started for you and me

 

Refrain

 

Bridge:

Oh baby please won't you come home

Oh baby please won't you come home

 

Refrain

 

Bridge2:

Oh baby please won't you come home

Why did you leave me all alone

 

Refrain

 

Bridge3:

Oh baby please won't you come home

I can't stand being all alone

 

End

 

 

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Hello, J :)

I think, this song has a nice laid-back tone.

 

My suggestions usually come more from the performance/delivery point-of-view than recording/mixing standpoint, since I'm quite inexperienced in the latter. 

 

So, here's what I thought:

The tune is nice and has a nostalgic feeling to it. However, it tends to get repetitive. One of the places where I feel it can be made tighter is at the bridge sections. You could probably club 1 and 2 to make one composite bridge. The third one is basically the ending, which is fine as it is. I also felt that the bridge sounded too similar to the chorus, so maybe you can play around with the notes to create a little more drama. Also, a little more focus on the pitch can help lift the song further.

 

My two cents :)

Good luck! 

 

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Posted (edited)

On 3/15/2017 at 2:56 PM, JH Michaels said:

 

Verse 1:

I look around and I'm all alone

(and) How do I to stop this empty ache in my soul

Our life was bright as a sunny day

(and) Since you're gone it all I fades to gray

[stick with referring to yourself/feelings in the singular for this verse]

 

Refrain:

Every day, and every way, oh.. I'm missing you

Every day, and every way, oh.. I'm missing you

 

Verse 2:

I tried to find a way to make you stay

But no matter what I did, you went anyway away

It's you I find I...I really need

So that my heart won't continue to bleed <--- this needs some crafting, not sure what advice to give here

 

Refrain

 

Verse 3:

What do we do when it's all gone bad

And we're just a shadow of the dreams we had

Somehow I wish it could be

The way it started (out) for you and me

...more than a fantasy <--- snippet of an idea for that last line to make it more powerful

 

You have a good start on this tune. Nice vibe and simple but elegant changes. The vocal meter and the lyrics need a bit more honing. I have given you some ideas to chew on above.

 

Peace,

TC

Edited by TCgypsy
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Posted (edited)

Hi @JH Michaels, I like this song idea. You go a little off tune in some areas...........but I actually thought it added more character to the song and made it sound even better! I liked the sound of the guitar, it was like someone was playing it in the background while you were singing in the front - it's very laid back and just chilling', I like that about it.

 

I think you just have to get the overall sound quality at it's best. I wish I could offer you some tips on that but I'm still learning about mixing/mastering, myself.

 

Great song! All the best with it.

 

Ken

Edited by ImKeN
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4 hours ago, Sreyashi Mukherjee said:

Hello, J :)

I think, this song has a nice laid-back tone.

 

My suggestions usually come more from the performance/delivery point-of-view than recording/mixing standpoint, since I'm quite inexperienced in the latter. 

 

So, here's what I thought:

The tune is nice and has a nostalgic feeling to it. However, it tends to get repetitive. One of the places where I feel it can be made tighter is at the bridge sections. You could probably club 1 and 2 to make one composite bridge. The third one is basically the ending, which is fine as it is. I also felt that the bridge sounded too similar to the chorus, so maybe you can play around with the notes to create a little more drama. Also, a little more focus on the pitch can help lift the song further.

 

My two cents :)

Good luck! 

 

Thank you for the listen Sreyashi.....I agree with you about the bridge/refrain section being too long and repetitive...so I took one set out to shorten it.  I was hoping the bridge would provide some contrast so when you say it sounds too similar, I definitely will study it more closely.  As for pitch.....the only thing that helps me with that is singing it more....ahem....tough job..but someone has to do it.

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3 hours ago, TCgypsy said:
On 3/15/2017 at 11:56 AM, JH Michaels said:

Verse 1:

I look around and I'm all alone

(and) How do I to stop this empty ache in my soul

Our life was bright as a sunny day

(and) Since you're gone it all I fades to gray

[stick with referring to yourself/feelings in the singular for this verse]

 

Refrain:

Every day, and every way, oh.. I'm missing you

Every day, and every way, oh.. I'm missing you

 

Verse 2:

I tried to find a way to make you stay

But no matter what I did, you went anyway away

It's you I find I...I really need

So that my heart won't continue to bleed <--- this needs some crafting, not sure what advice to give here

 

Refrain

 

Verse 3:

What do we do when it's all gone bad

And we're just a shadow of the dreams we had

Somehow I wish it could be

The way it started (out) for you and me

...more than a fantasy <--- snippet of an idea for that last line to make it more powerful

 

You have a good start on this tune. Nice vibe and simple but elegant changes. The vocal meter and the lyrics need a bit more honing. I have given you some ideas to chew on above.

Hey TC...thanks for the input.  I see you found that I have a very bad habit of adding words that don't need to be there.  There is an exception of course....the 'oh' in the refrain is something I'm going to stick with....it serves two purposes for me....I use it to try to add some feeling to the refrain and it helps me do the transition vocally.  At least that's how it goes in my head.  The last line in verse two has always felt a touch odd...but I think that if I cut 'that' and 'continue to' out it will feel more natural. I like the snippet for the last line in verse three...it may not end up as 'fantasy' but its a great thought for me to noodle over.  Cheers.

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2 hours ago, ImKeN said:

Hi @JH Michaels, I like this song idea. You go a little off tune in some areas...........but I actually thought it added more character to the song and made it sound even better! I liked the sound of the guitar, it was like someone was playing it in the background while you were singing in the front - it's very laid back and just chilling', I like that about it.

 

I think you just have to get the overall sound quality at it's best. I wish I could offer you some tips on that but I'm still learning about mixing/mastering, myself.

 

Great song! All the best with it.

 

Ken

Thanks for the kind words, Ken and thank you for the listen!  [smiley=acoustic.gif]

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Nice chill vibe and the sound of the guitar works really well with your voice. I would definitely try and add something else or just try and mix it up and little bit as it got a bit repetitive, especially towards the end. Not much of a lyrics expert (I tend to just naturally listen to the vocal melody and ignore the lyrics :/) but that seemed pretty good to me. Nice one! :D

 

Chalter

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I loved the refrain - seems very emotional or at least the way you said it. By far my favourite part. My only critique - and it might just be me- but I felt that you could've cut some of the smaller words out of the verses. For example :

"It's you I find I...I really need

So that my heart won't continue to bleed".

 

You could cut out the smaller words like "That" which aren't necessary. I know it's a small thing - and I'm nit picking- but it's just easier on the ears.

 

But anyway, good song, I quite enjoyed it, so thanks :) 

 

Keep it up,

Anonymous9

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1 hour ago, Chalter said:

Nice chill vibe and the sound of the guitar works really well with your voice. I would definitely try and add something else or just try and mix it up and little bit as it got a bit repetitive, especially towards the end. Not much of a lyrics expert (I tend to just naturally listen to the vocal melody and ignore the lyrics :/) but that seemed pretty good to me. Nice one! :D

 

Chalter

Thanks Chalter I appreciate it.  I shortened the bridge/refrain sequence, so hopefully that will help alleviate the repetitiveness.  I might put some other things in for color...but we'll see.

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1 hour ago, Anonymous9 said:

I loved the refrain - seems very emotional or at least the way you said it. By far my favourite part. My only critique - and it might just be me- but I felt that you could've cut some of the smaller words out of the verses. For example :

"It's you I find I...I really need

So that my heart won't continue to bleed".

 

You could cut out the smaller words like "That" which aren't necessary. I know it's a small thing - and I'm nit picking- but it's just easier on the ears.

 

But anyway, good song, I quite enjoyed it, so thanks :) 

 

Keep it up,

Anonymous9

Lol you and TC both picked up on that.....it's a bad habit I really need to work on in my lyrics.   Thanks for the listen and comments!

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I was all in up until Verse 3 and Refrain 3.  At that point, I felt the song really needed a change - that's when I thought a bridge should start.  I also don't think the "bridge" you have now is the "right" kind of bridge for this.  I think you need something more substantial length-wise, and something more different musically than this bridge is.

 

I don't mind repeating the hook of "missing you" for the chorus.  But, maybe the phrases leading up to it each time could be different.  Some choices off the top of my head:

 

Every day, every way, I'm missing you

Again and again, I'm all in with missing you

Rain or shine, all the time, I'm missing you

Heart and soul, can't/won't let go, I'm missing you

Up and down, all around, I'm missing you

In and out, all I'm about is missing you

 

 

You get the idea.  Just a suggestion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I really like the verses in this song.  You mentioned timing being a problem, but I found the way you sang it to be very sincere.  It's kind of syncopated and sounds like speech singing.  I like the chord changes and lyrical rhythm of the lines "every day, every way."  The one thing I would suggest in the chorus, is to do something else with the line "missin you," either take it down and elongate the word "missing," or take it up and elongate the word "you," like milk that line for everything it has.  That's the juice of that whole chorus, of the whole song, and we want to feel that line.  

 

The other thing I would recommend is to leave out that last 2 bridges.  That sentiment as kind of already said in the song, and I think it will be more potent and effective to simply end on the chorus, which has good lyrics in it already.  Just some ideas :)

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On 3/24/2017 at 1:42 PM, HoboSage said:

I was all in up until Verse 3 and Refrain 3.  At that point, I felt the song really needed a change - that's when I thought a bridge should start.  I also don't think the "bridge" you have now is the "right" kind of bridge for this.  I think you need something more substantial length-wise, and something more different musically than this bridge is.

 

I don't mind repeating the hook of "missing you" for the chorus.  But, maybe the phrases leading up to it each time could be different.  Some choices off the top of my head:

 

Every day, every way, I'm missing you

Again and again, I'm all in with missing you

Rain or shine, all the time, I'm missing you

Heart and soul, can't/won't let go, I'm missing you

Up and down, all around, I'm missing you

In and out, all I'm about is missing you

 

 

You get the idea.  Just a suggestion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for the listen David, I've cut one of the bridges out and I'm in the process of adding an instrumental section rather than repeating the bridge/chorus.  I think I am going to change up the end with a little different line leading up to the hook like you suggested....then again I might work verse 3 into a bridge as well.  Good ideas to work with.

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On 3/24/2017 at 8:21 PM, Teresa Anderson said:

I really like the verses in this song.  You mentioned timing being a problem, but I found the way you sang it to be very sincere.  It's kind of syncopated and sounds like speech singing.  I like the chord changes and lyrical rhythm of the lines "every day, every way."  The one thing I would suggest in the chorus, is to do something else with the line "missin you," either take it down and elongate the word "missing," or take it up and elongate the word "you," like milk that line for everything it has.  That's the juice of that whole chorus, of the whole song, and we want to feel that line.  

 

The other thing I would recommend is to leave out that last 2 bridges.  That sentiment as kind of already said in the song, and I think it will be more potent and effective to simply end on the chorus, which has good lyrics in it already.  Just some ideas :)

Hi Theresa and thanks for the listen and comments....I guess I went 'A Bridge Too Far':rolleyes:.....and yes I have edited the bridges and cut them down.  I'm not sure whether I have the pipes to do the chorus the way you are suggesting...I have a tendency to get "pitchy" if I try getting too fancy....I'll give it a try though and see how it goes.

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Chilled song! I like the lyrics and the guitar adds to the chill feel - only criticism would be it gets slightly repetitive at times! Well done man.

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