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arty

Barely Blue

5 posts in this topic

Barely Blue Draft RogersonLB

 

V1

remember how I felt so cool

strutting with the in crowd

good as anyone there in school

how these new jeans made me so proud

 

Chorus

That's a long time ago and there now Barely Blue Got those old well used faded 501's on

Sure they're now a little worn

front pocket hanging out and down

both knees are gone

Bring back memories of you, memories of you,

Barely Blue Got those old well used faded 501's on , Barely Blue

 

V2

We caught the bus to the shopping mall

walking in the buzz I got then

My ego getting a size too small

You smiling and saying please buy them

 

Chorus

That's a long time ago and there now Barely Blue Got those old well used faded 501's on

Sure they're now a little worn

front pocket hanging out and down

both knees are gone

Bring back memories of you, memories of you,

Barely Blue Got those old well used faded 501's on , Barely Blue

 

 

Bridge

You'd wrap you arms around me tucking your hands in round the back

laugh and kiss me saying I love you lots Its why these pants are the fabric of my memories of you,

 

Chorus

That's a long time ago and there now Barely Blue Got those old well used faded 501's on

Sure they're now a little worn

front pocket hanging out and down

both knees are gone

Bring back memories of you, memories of you,

Barely Blue Got those old well used faded 501's on , Barely Blue

 

 

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Since I haven't even put anything up for critique I feel a bit of a fraud, however I really like the strong chorus here. Looked at the last two lines though and almost automatically read as " Bring back memories, memories of you,

       got those well used faded 501's on , barely blue, barely blue."

 

Felt it strengthened the picture a little ; hope it gives food for thought

                                                                                                            Regards, John Craig.

             

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Posted (edited)

Nice lyric, and John's addition was excellent as well.  Works both ways for me.  Off topic, maybe try not posting so many lyrics.  Work on the the good ones and don't flood the board

Edited by Orsen

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Thank you John and Orson for taking the time to review my lyric. As I haven't yet put melody to this one, will certainly take on the suggestion.

 

 

Re off the topic - It is an interesting one, as a prolific writer and as a case in point on the day of the shoulder operation did write 20 songs, some of which were posted others not, so it is a relative thing as to what you call flooding.

 

I do make sure I do more critique than posting but whilst some are putting every song they write up here, I would certainly not due to what would be then be a tsunami rather than minor flooding!

 

Herein lies the problem, some want to just write others are wanting to get seriously better, therefore, feedback is vitally important and volume even more so. Look at any writer / performer who has been successful and as a case in point Bruce the Boss was reputed to write nearly 80 songs for the Nebraska album (one which has held back - Born in the USA) and it did well in Australia as an album but don't think it featured a Top 50 Hit (happen to like most of the album by the way) and featured only one song on his best of.

 

The rub is, how do we know which songs work or not unless we get them out there? Personally I have a couple of songs that I didn't think were strong are some of my most requested and the best ones yawned at!!!!

 

I am strong on many points when writing every song, namely the story board and attention to verses matching line for line (that is so when developing melody, the stresses of the verse lines match) but I as the writer am too close to really know if it works for 95% of the time, so even when edited by myself should I then have to wait for 50 posts before I can next post - let alone with the time difference down here in Aus and most participants.

 

Should we consider having a serious board and occasional board for lyrics.

 

Please do not think I am having a go at you, rather it is a perspective of writing a lot, and I mean lot of songs and still trying to respect the board.

 

Regards

 

Arty

 

 

 

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I have to agree, if it's in there let it out. If it's not working folk will skip it . I'm an "occasional", tying lines together that appear on a weekly basis and stand in awe of folk with prolific output ; sort of Jazz Lyricists.

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