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DanT

Second Hand Truth

6 posts in this topic

Hi! I'm a new songwriter and this is my first song so I was hoping I could get some advice on the first verse and chorus. It is called: Second Hand Truth.

Verse 1:

These words have been said,

But which ones are from you?

I don't know what to think,

Will I ever find the truth?

 

I'm lost in the pool of your deep blue eyes and I can't find a way out.

I have never been more sure, in my mind there's not a doubt.  

 

Chorus:

I wanna be part of your life,

But I don't wanna be hearing lies.

Your feeling have to come from you,

I can't stand a second hand truth.

Second Hand Truth.

 

Hope you like it, it's by no means perfect so I really hope to get some feedback from you guys!

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Hi, Dan.

 

You've got the seed of a good idea here with the hook Second Hand Truth. My impression of V1 is that the lines feel vague especially Line 1 which should ideally grab the listener. The 2 lines before the chorus don't seem to fit the story yet. The chorus is the strongest bit in terms of supporting the hook.

 

I strongly encourage you to critique others' lyrics as substantively as you can. You may find that you learn more from critiquing than from getting feedback. Being able to articulate what you like and what you think needs work will translate into your own writing. Welcome to the site. ~T

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I liked it, love the title and idea of the lyric.

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Dan T

 

I agree with Timbre... I like the title very much " Second Hand Truth" so build on that tile...your words are just random thoughts to me ... you need to learn how a song is crafted... you are at the right place .. so that's good... check out other songs and writers and get a feel on how they write... maybe a workshop would help... you have passion so fuel that emotion....just my thoughts

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Funny thing is it works ! Looking at and giving input on other lyrics gives you a chance to explore structure meter and rhyme schemes.

As mentioned .this is a bit vague at start and does need to pull ya in . you want listener reader to be wanting more. 

Good start but needs to be gone through and connect the feelings /thoughts so listener reader is wanting more

Rock on 

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hi Dan, honestly, i think its a great write.. being a 1st its even better. I like the fact its simple. I could suggest some ideas but i think it works as is so i wont. The best lyrics are the ones that come without thinking and are usually from the heart. Lyrics dont have to be anything more than what you want to say. Keep 'em coming!

Neil

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