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7 posts in this topic

 

New song -> "Every Step" -> looking for critique on lyrics, melody, catchiness, structure, instruments, sound, voice etc - anything really! Thanks :)

 

Emerald eyes like the ocean
Tempest rise from the sea
Waves crash down all around me
Currents pulling me in
So will you hold me, tightly so I
know that I’ll be alright
There’s nothing we’ve left say
Everything now in its place

And If I dive in I’m never resurfacing
But there’s nothing that I’d like more

And we will grow old 
But I will not love you less
I’ll always look at you this way
And I’ll make mistakes but I will do my best
to be there every step of the way

Crimson lips whisper too me
Softest touch at my skin
Still the waves crash into me
Swirling tide starts to spin
Will you tell me stories so I
know that I’ll sleep tonight
But I can feel trouble it’s rising
Darkness lurks on our horizon

I should known It would end like this I know
I know nothing perfect nothin's bliss uh oh
we'll be fine x4

[chorus]

2 people like this

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Another cool song, @Alex . I like the feel of it, there's a lot of sweetness and vulnerability in it's overall sound/performance. Great vocal melodies(harmonies as well) and guitar picking, it sounds really strong. I really don't think you need to change anything about the song, but for the sake of experimenting here are some little tricks to start you off:

 

Currents pulling me in - The timing in which this line starts is exactly the same as the previous lines, so try singing it right on the 1st beat to create forward motion and also to give more impact to the words:

 

Beat:          1       2        3       4            1        2       3      4            1            2           3       4                    1         2         3       4         1       2      3       4

Lines              emerald  Eyes...                 tempest Rise...                 Waves crash Down...                   Currents        pulling   me  in....

 

 

So will you - hold me    - tightly -  so I
(Da da da)  - know that - I’ll be  - alright
     ---> Fitting in some lyrics there might keep the momentum up?

 

Chorus chord progression - I noticed how you ended it on a D major, the contrast in that chord was big. Why not try out a new chord progression for the chorus starting with D major?

 

 

Again, the song is great as it is. All the best :)

 

Ken

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Thanks @ImKeN, for your very kind comments. I will give that all a go and see what happens - thanks for the great suggestions!! :)

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@AlexVIII I really enjoyed it, and it made me retreat into my mind which is what I consider makes a good song! Your voice has a lot of emotion, and I love when you hit the higher notes. I'm really new at songwriting, and I don't have much interesting input. The only thing I would suggest, from my particular preferences in music, is stronger imagery in your lyrics. I liked them a lot, but I feel like you could slip in some stronger imagery here and there. I loved it, and even my friend that listened to it with me told me to send it to him! Thanks for sharing :)! 

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I like this very much, very genuine and heartfelt. Your voice is really sweet and also has a soulful characteristic.

 

My comments are about the recording itself. If this is a "proof of concept" type demo, you're fine. If you are looking for folks to pay attention to the recording there are a few things that should be addressed. First, the guitar isn't as steady as it should be. You speed up and slow down and there are a few misfrets. The biggest problem, however, is the ambience of the vocal. Maybe that's all that's available, but it sounds like a real tight reflective space, such as a bathroom or the nook of a bedroom. Either look for a different space or look into ways to dampen the sound (portable vocal screen, a few sound absorption panels, etc).

 

You are very talented. I enjoyed this very much. Best of luck with it.

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Hey there AlexVIII, Can't give you much instruction as to how to make better music....but, I can tell you that you have a beautifully timbred voice. The guitar sounds sweet and polished. The song, itself is nice...only because you believe in it. 

Just my thoughts........you have a nice talent

                                                                                          -T

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@Juin Thanks! I totally agree about the lyrics, I tend to write fairly generically, but am working on it :))

 

@Steve Mueske, Thanks! This is definitely at the p.o.c stage. I am trying to just get some songs out there to get critic and them hoping to get them produced by friends and collaborators. I am recording everything in my bedroom, and my mic pics up everything so I have to have the click/play back really quiet which makes it hard to not waver slightly. I will look at trying out other places - would a basement work better? Thank you very much!!

 

@IronKnee, why thanks! 

 

Thank you all for taking the time to comment and listen :) 

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