John Craig

Country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

22 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Welcome to the human race boy, are you fit to run.

A word of warning here though  they start races with a gun.

And if you want to be a winner don't try to run too fast,

the winner in this race boy  is the guy who comes in last.

And if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

Hip hoppin, body poppin, dancing like a fool,

jive talkin, moon walkin , thinkin that you're cool.

The little pills you're takin though, fresh made in the lab.,

are goin to speed you up some till you end up on the slab.

So if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

 White lines sometimes keep you on the straight,

but sometimes little white lines lead you to your fate.

Take you down a road that's gonna end in harm,

face down in the gutter with a needle in your arm.

And if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

Gangsta rappin, finger snappin talkin like you're hard,

double tapped and six feet down in some bad bastard's yard,

Don't race with the devil he's got evil in his name,

stick  to what you know is right and folks who think the same.

And if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

Now you're doin very well, you're runnin smooth and fine,

don't think about the future, just enjoy your time.

The Gypsy Lady's crystal ball is  quite good for a laugh,

but crystal can be tricky stuff, cut your life in half.

So if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

But at last you made it ,you're at the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter's lookin at his watch and thinkin " Christ you're late".

And when Saint Peter asks you what you've done that he should save your soul,

say you've done country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

Just country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

Edited by John Craig
Taking good advice on overuse of one word. Now de- bro'd.
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dig it and it reads very well. There are a lot of bro's in there though. For me personally, I'm on the fence as to whether there are too many. But I must say I would only truly know if I heard it and like I said it's solely personal so it may not matter at all. There are a lot of good lines in here … not meaning the white, leading to your fate, ones. ;) 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good point and an easy fix. Still paring it down; hopefully not too much though as it runs pretty short on time. About 2 mins. without instrumental input.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Many thanks, John.

                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, John.

 

I read this a couple of days ago and had to think on it a bit. I had 3 reactions. First, I could see this being a crowd pleaser for audiences who like to idealize country music. Meeting St. Peter at the pearly gates is a popular country theme.  And pitting country music against other genres can be entertaining too (more about that below).

 

My 2nd reaction was that the references to hip-hop and rap had an edge to them and came across as kind of dismissive. Again, there's an audience for that and you get to pitch it how you want, but I'm a lover of all genres and that's how it struck me.  Others may have a different take. You just seemed to be invoking the 'bros and dissing them at the same time!

 

My 3rd reaction was about your refrain. Since when has country music been based on living a long life? Some of the best country music is about living hard, making bad choices, and dying young. And whiskey is usually involved :) Still a fun refrain, though.

 

Very impressive word play overall. ~T

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Excellent response for which my thanks. It's a sort of update on Oki from Muskogee I suppose, hence the squeeze on hip hop , rap and drugs culture in general; not that it started out that way. I don't think  guys from that culture would be particularly offended though given their output. I dropped a couple of "bros" courtesy of  Just1L's critique as I'd been pretty lazy with it, but "bro" is pretty well embedded across cultures now, even hear it here in rural Scotland. Besides, think of Charlie Pride.

The live fast, die young observation is also valid.  What I've put out looks a bit like something from a revival meeting, but as I said it's a sort of Oki from Muskogee theme. Maybe I should have given it a write up prior to posting, but I was a bit nervy with this first attempt. 

 

Again many thanks for taking the time on this.

                                               regards, John.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Now de- bro'd . Will the Bros ever forgive me ?

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/31/2017 at 11:14 AM, John Craig said:

Welcome to the human race boy, are you fit to run.

 

the winner in this race boy  is the guy who comes in last

 

 

 

I'd leave bro and/or boy out. Flows better and speaks to more. 

 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Many thanks Peggy,

                             I'm getting good advice here and it seems to be the simplest little touch here and there that makes all the difference.

The removal of the gender specific 'boy's  a prime example of how to open out appeal yet nowadays, 'guy's gender neutral and OK.

It's the little such nuances that make all the difference for which many thanks.

                                                                                                                        regards, John Craig.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 01/04/2017 at 3:14 AM, John Craig said:

Welcome to the human race boy, are you fit to run.

A word of warning here though  they start races with a gun.

And if you want to be a winner don't try to run too fast,

the winner in this race boy  is the guy who comes in last.

And if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

Hip hoppin, body poppin, dancing like a fool,

jive talkin, moon walkin , thinkin that you're cool.

The little pills you're takin though, fresh made in the lab.,

are goin to speed you up some till you end up on the slab.

So if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

 White lines sometimes keep you on the straight,

but sometimes little white lines lead you to your fate.

Take you down a road that's gonna end in harm,

face down in the gutter with a needle in your arm.

And if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

Gangsta rappin, finger snappin talkin like you're hard,

double tapped and six feet down in some bad bastard's yard,

Don't race with the devil he's got evil in his name,

stick  to what you know is right and folks who think the same.

And if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

Now you're doin very well, you're runnin smooth and fine,

don't think about the future, just enjoy your time.

The Gypsy Lady's crystal ball is  quite good for a laugh,

but crystal can be tricky stuff, cut your life in half.

So if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

But at last you made it ,you're at the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter's lookin at his watch and thinkin " Christ you're late".

And when Saint Peter asks you what you've done that he should save your soul,

say you've done country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

Just country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

hey john, i too like what you've done.  it may be to do with the melody you intend but i felt, if anything, there's a few "filler" words you could do without... i dont know the genre but it could fit a few i think.. it struck me as hip hop or rap, but it could be rock.. here's a few ideas;

 

Welcome to the human race boy, are you fit to run.

A word of warning   they start races with a gun.

And if you want to win don't try to run too fast,

the winner in this race will always come in last.

And if you cross the line completely in control,

stick to country music, whisky and some rock and roll.

 

this would change ur melody but i think u should keep trimming here and there. 

good stuff!

neil

 

 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Neil,

                  I've looked at a couple of your works and you seem able to produce at a minimalist level which I can't match. This is my first attempt and it's a pretty simplistic one, an old fashioned country rocker/ bluegrass effort envisaged. What I've got to date , with assistance, I'm now personally pretty happy with as it falls in nicely with a pretty simple melody running in my head. No musical ability whatsoever though, so work to be done, but thanks for the input.

                                                                                                                                                          Regards, John.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, John Craig said:

Thanks Neil,

                  I've looked at a couple of your works and you seem able to produce at a minimalist level which I can't match. This is my first attempt and it's a pretty simplistic one, an old fashioned country rocker/ bluegrass effort envisaged. What I've got to date , with assistance, I'm now personally pretty happy with as it falls in nicely with a pretty simple melody running in my head. No musical ability whatsoever though, so work to be done, but thanks for the input.

                                                                                                                                                          Regards, John.

mate for a 1st attempt its pretty damn good... the best thing is if u keep writing u will only improve. 

neil

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like this. 

Had a few issues going on.

First I would though commas in where needed ,easy reading.

And helps with getting meter into place . the main thing is meter tho.as it reads some lines don't flow as well ,would go through it and do a hard count ,from what I got some lines need to be trimmed and some need a word or two.for it makes it easier when putting notes to it.

Pretty solid ."Christ your late" made me laugh. 

Rock on 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Tom,

                a grammatical tidy up on the way. Got a good laugh in the critique with Timbre's observations/ reservations on using "bro" which is valid, but looked at some of your interaction lately and it's peppered with bro. Horses for courses I suppose.. I'm to lyric writing what "free climbing" is to mountaineering atm and probably exasperating as I've got a touch of good old Asperger's which makes me " lock on". Tutoring helpful, just go easy on the cattle prod.

                                                                                                                                                                     regards, John.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bro, I over use often , but to be honest bro I really do try not to. Caught myself saying bro to my daughter the other day.

Bro that's just wrong I thought!

Lyrically tho bro Hhhmmm

Rock on bro

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

While doing that clean up. Take note of your hard syllable count. That helps with meter.which helps reader and when notes do come .

Rock on !#

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

John,

 

I really like the rhyming scheme you've done here.... to me and believe me I'm no expert lyricist... but it's a bit long... I love the last two lines "And if you want to cross the finish line completely in control, stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll."   but as I said... a bit long and these lines are repeated on every verse... the song appears to only have verses... so I suspect there are no changes within the song.... might be a bit tedious to listeners when there no change in direction...... but you have a gift for words that's for sure and a strong message... it has a lot of potential... I've read a comment that maybe only "country music" fans may only relate to this song... but if done in a crossover style... others can relate as well... stick with this John and look at the comments the others have made and this could be a really good song... I know it's not much but those are my thoughts

 

Gerry

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for that look and opinion; obviously given things more than a passing glance. As mentioned by myself previously, I should have put up some sort of intro. to the thinking behind the song; problem here that in reality there wasn't any. It just appeared over a couple of days and I only added V5 a few weeks later as it looked far too short. Now,I'm waiting for another Earl Scruggs to come along to put it all right musically. Time wise I reckon ( with what's in my head ) to have about two minutes of singing without any instrumental in fill so I'm looking for it to be a snappy piece.The thinking on the repetitive last two lines, was that they  would hopefully be an anchor without resorting to a chorus. Even considered doubling up the last line for further emphasis/ extension. Hope this clarifies my intention.

                                                                                                                                 Regards, John.

                                                                          

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey John, nice write I really dig it, you have a way with words.  Well done. What I am hearing here, is a Country rap song. It's a bit long, but not when it's sung as a rap song. Good luck with it. Write what you feel, and feel what you write. Peace! 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Many thanks TJ,

                        I've taken it as far as it will go I reckon. You're right, a pretty brisk delivery would be required, though I hadn't considered Country Rap. I think I'll just tidy it up now and archive it. It's clashing in my mind with another idea, so time to go.

                                                                                                        regards, John.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/31/2017 at 0:14 PM, John Craig said:

Welcome to the human race boy, are you fit to run.

A word of warning here though  they start races with a gun.

And if you want to be a winner don't try to run too fast,

the winner in this race boy  is the guy who comes in last.

And if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

Hip hoppin, body poppin, dancing like a fool,

jive talkin, moon walkin , thinkin that you're cool.

The little pills you're takin though, fresh made in the lab.,

are goin to speed you up some till you end up on the slab.

So if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

 White lines sometimes keep you on the straight,

but sometimes little white lines lead you to your fate.

Take you down a road that's gonna end in harm,

face down in the gutter with a needle in your arm.

And if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

Gangsta rappin, finger snappin talkin like you're hard,

double tapped and six feet down in some bad bastard's yard,

Don't race with the devil he's got evil in his name,

stick  to what you know is right and folks who think the same.

And if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

Now you're doin very well, you're runnin smooth and fine,

don't think about the future, just enjoy your time.

The Gypsy Lady's crystal ball is  quite good for a laugh,

but crystal can be tricky stuff, cut your life in half.

So if you want to cross the finish line completely in control,

stick to country music whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

But at last you made it ,you're at the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter's lookin at his watch and thinkin " Christ you're late".

And when Saint Peter asks you what you've done that he should save your soul,

say you've done country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

Just country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi I'm new to this site. I'm a fan of rhyme and near rhyme song lyrics. As I started out reading your lyric, I later actually heard a beat as I sang to your words. I think this is a great lyric, with an awesome meaning behind it. For me, there's just too many songs today encouraging drugs and alcohol, so this one is 5 stars for me. Although when I wrote lyrics for someone on facebook, they ask me to do a rewrite with bar writing, so they would know how many beats per bar. I would also suggest labeling (chorus), (verse), although I had no problem understanding which was chorus or verse with this particular lyric, it's just something passed to me, that I'm now passing to you. But for me this is a great lyric. Really liked it. *****

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like this lyric!

 

Good title/hook, and the multiple repetition of the lines throughout the song is a positive. The title is fun and makes me smile.  I can imagine the crowd chiming in, and the repetition throughout the song encourages the joining in.

 

The AABBCC rhyme scheme feels very stable, which suit this "advice" song.  Somehow all this advice doesn't come across as preachy, perhaps because of the title.  This is no Puritan singing, just a wise man/woman (?) offering a measured suggestion for boundaries. Some of the critiques I have received on my lyrics have suggested I strive for more "objective clarity," which in this case would mean more clearly defining who this advice-giver is, and who the "boy" is.  But to me, it doesn't matter.  I get the message without knowing the specifics.  Others may find it puzzling or incomplete.

 

I like “the winner in this race boy is the guy who comes in last” (to me, that means the one who lives the longest.) Wording it like this felt original and fresh and suggested the singer has a sense of humor.

 

Also, I got a kick out of the puns on “crystal” and “white lines.”

 

Good internal rhyming makes it fun, too.

 

The “hip hoppin….” line sounds jumpy, like someone on “little pills” so that worked for me.

 

Devil has evil in his name…that’s probably not original, but it was new to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.