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David Ritchie

Leaving Eden Your Impressions Appreciated

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Leaving Eden                                                  David Ritchie


We were born under cover of darkness
But when you came to light there were lovely changes
And watching you emerge just left me speechless
You were a little shy with happy eyes and a touch of hot flirtation!
Well, Adam was no lover, until he fell for Eve
And Eden was no garden before that magic day
That we both felt our bodies come to believe
That Eden’s not the place where we learn to betray!
Chorus:
We’ve all been given promises by smiling sellers
Smoking panatelas and speaking in tongues
They sell tender hearts to the highest bidders
But once they get their hands on you the trap is sprung!
A little shy with teasing eyes you turned to me
‘c’mon, let’s go”! You said “let’s get away”.
Eden is a place to love and be loved in return
My head was full of questions of what our life could be
I’m what you want and why you came ‘cause I’m your destiny!
And my love came undone began to wake and shine,
in that moment you danced across my path and told me life is sweet
depends upon the one you meet
so let’s leave our lonely hearts behind
make this journey complete.
Close and fade out:
My head was full of questions of what our life could be
I’m what you want and why you came ‘cause I’m your destiny!
My head was full of questions of what our life could be
I’m what you want and why you came ‘cause I’m your destiny!
 

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Peggy    379

Hi David,

Keep coming back to your lyric. But i don't have a clear picture just yet. Cool idea, and I like it. I get a little lost in the flow after the chorus until the close out. Like the close out alot!

:)

 

Peggy

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tomcollins    512

Agree with Peggy here.

Cool idea but as it reads right now the flow is sputtering.

Not sure what the chorus is . but for me 


"Adam was no lover, until he fell for Eve
And Eden was no garden ,untill we both believe. " or something.  Its a pretty cool twist . 

The structure seems a bit all over the place .which does make it hard to follow.

Think you have the bones here ,just need to go through it with a clear structure.

Rock on !

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Thank you both for the suggestions. I'm working on them. Hey, know anyone who would like to collaborate? Me lyrics, them melodies.....

 

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tomcollins    512

 Best thing to do is post ,looking to colab.see if us get any bites. Of not I may be able to give ya a few seggestions

Rock on

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Timbre    147

I also like the idea. The chorus starting with "We've all been given promises . . . " isn't functioning structurally or lyrically like a chorus. The "Adam was no lover" line feels like the start of a chorus, as Tom noted. It ties back to your title. 

 

You have a lot of good material here and some structure will help to showcase the best stuff. One idea you might try is to craft a solid chorus around the Leaving Eden theme and then build your verses around it. 

 

~T

 

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