Jump to content

Recommended Posts

bakerusc    8

I wrote this song about 8 years ago but was never happy with a certain lyric. I finally finished it up last week and went to make a quick recording. My sweet 12 year old jumped in to do harmonies last minute and did a great job! 

 

Anyways, this is a true story that I wrote when I was really missing my dad who passed from cancer when I was a kid. My hope is that it can bring peace to anyone who is having a hard time. I think anyone can relate, especially if you have lost a loved one.

 

I'd love some feedback. Thank you in advance!

 

 

You left us when I was 7 years old, 

Though you had no choice, I just can’t let go

Years down the road, and here I am,

Wishing for another chance to hear your voice again,

Lord knows I’ve tried, but I still struggle to get by,

And in my time of doubt, I wonder why, 

Pre-chorus 

Then I opened up the good book, and a note fell on the floor,

Tears rolled from my eyes, I found what I was looking for, 

Chorus

My dear son, I won’t be here long,

The time has come, where I must move on, I’m going home, 

When you find this note, I’ll be gone,

But I want you to know…  matter where you go, you’re not alone,

If you find yourself wondering if someone loves you,

Look up above, I’ll be watching you,

Remember…  who you are,

There’ll be times when you’re lost, and don’t know where to go,

Get down on your knees and follow that road,

And remember…  that I love you son. 

2nd Verse

Can’t believe what I just read,

I never knew what he would have said,

Now I know, my fathers’ watching over me,

Now I’m here with my own son,

Asking myself if I have done,

Enough to let him know how I feel,

Pre-chorus

I’m here watching you dream, 

And I need you to know, that you’re everything to me, 

Chorus

My Dear son, I may not always be here,

The time may come, where I must move on, but for now I’m home

I’m here for you, no matter what you do,

And I want you to know…  matter where you go, you’re not alone,

If you find yourself wondering if someone loves you,

Look up to me, I’ll be here for you,

Remember…  who you are,

There’ll be times when you’re lost, and don’t know where to go,

Get down on your knees and follow that road,

And remember…  

Bridge

Life’s hard I know, but we all have room to grow,

Without a challenge, how would we learn, 

Chorus

If you find yourself wondering if someone loves you,

Look up to me, I’ll be here for you,

Remember…  who you are,

There’ll be times when you’re lost, and don’t know where to go,

Get down on your knees and follow that road,

Remember…  that I love you son.

Edited by bakerusc
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it is a beautifull song. Well written and well performed. I really like the reverb on Your vocals.
Have you considered to bring in something else for the choruses to lift them a bit from the rest of the tune? Maybe a bassguitar or a piano could do the job.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Oswlek    83

It's clear how much the song means to you, so you definitely get high marks on authenticity.  I really enjoyed the finger picked acoustic and a duet with a child is always going to earn points. :)

 

My favorite part of the song - as Mark probably already knows - is the entrance of the F on "challenge."  That really grabbed me, and not just because of how it diverged from the rest of the song.  It felt appropriate.  

 

Two bits:

 

1)  I couldn't help but think the song might have more impact on the piano.  For some reason, as much as I like the acoustic, it keeps me from really investing the character.  It keeps reminding me that I'm just listening to a song in a way I don't think a piano would.

 

2)  "Wishing for another chance to hear your voice again"

I feel like this line (and maybe a few others, but definitely this one) was too beholden to the decided melody.  In my head the melody drops on "again" at the end, which feels more in line with the lyric at that spot.  

 

Or not, you're clearly talented so it's probably best to just ignore me. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JH Michaels    70

Nicely done.  The song clearly conveys the emotion you feel.  what else can be said about a song that does that?  A+

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds really nice. Good, clear vocals (with very clear enunciation) and good, clear instrumentals... everyone's getting their due. This has the potential of sounding like a commercially produced song with bigger sound effects and what not, but I like the simplicity involved here - which goes well with the theme of the song and has a way of connecting with the listener  (me, at least) :)

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
bakerusc    8
On 4/10/2017 at 11:02 AM, Tambarskjelve said:

I think it is a beautifull song. Well written and well performed. I really like the reverb on Your vocals.
Have you considered to bring in something else for the choruses to lift them a bit from the rest of the tune? Maybe a bassguitar or a piano could do the job.

Thank you! Yes, I plan to make a full production and I will definitely find a way to lift the choruses.

 

On 4/11/2017 at 7:10 AM, Oswlek said:

My favorite part of the song - as Mark probably already knows - is the entrance of the F on "challenge."  That really grabbed me, and not just because of how it diverged from the rest of the song.  It felt appropriate.  

 

Two bits:

1)  I couldn't help but think the song might have more impact on the piano.  For some reason, as much as I like the acoustic, it keeps me from really investing the character.  It keeps reminding me that I'm just listening to a song in a way I don't think a piano would.

 

2)  "Wishing for another chance to hear your voice again"

I feel like this line (and maybe a few others, but definitely this one) was too beholden to the decided melody.  In my head the melody drops on "again" at the end, which feels more in line with the lyric at that spot.  

Thank you! I love that part too. I wasn't sure if I should keep the bridge cause the song is long, but it felt needed.

 

Never thought of it as a piano song. I originally started writing it for a friend of mine who has a rich deep country voice. So it was originally intended to be a country song and it always felt like it belonged to the guitar. :-) I plan to add a lot of piano to the final production, I'm excited to play with that and see how it sounds. 

 

Funny you say that about the melody at the end of each of those phrases. Since I started this song years ago, I've thought about that many times. I think you may be right, I may need to find a way to have the melody drop on that line. 

 

On 4/11/2017 at 11:21 AM, JH Michaels said:

Nicely done.  The song clearly conveys the emotion you feel.  what else can be said about a song that does that?  A+

Thank you! glad that came across. :-) 

 

On 4/14/2017 at 10:03 AM, Sreyashi Mukherjee said:

It sounds really nice. Good, clear vocals (with very clear enunciation) and good, clear instrumentals... everyone's getting their due. This has the potential of sounding like a commercially produced song with bigger sound effects and what not, but I like the simplicity involved here - which goes well with the theme of the song and has a way of connecting with the listener  (me, at least) :)

 

Thanks Sreyashi! That helps to know.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
IronKnee    23

Love it, man!!

It's a beautiful thing, performing and recording with your daughter.

Very cool.....and really sounds great!!

Good song!

                                              -Tom

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ImKeN    256

@bakerusc,

 

I like it a lot! Such a beautiful lyric. Everything was top notch from camera work to harmonies to guitar picking. I really have nothing but praise for this creation of yours.

 

Great stuff :)

 

Ken

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MikeRobinson    146

I think that you can sell that song, say in Nashville, and I think that you should try.  Get the copyright paperwork in order and start hitting the streets with it.

 

This is a "pay dirt" idea – it's been done forever but when done well it's always new.  I particularly like the way that the various sections present refreshing changes of tonality in the middle, thus creating the effect of two tightly-linked sections.

 

The only thing that feels a little odd to me is the bridge – it introduces an idea not foreshadowed anywhere else in the story.  I like the music of it, but wonder if those two lines could be rewritten.

 

Both you and your daughter did an excellent job of performing this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dallon426    26

The reverb makes the track seem a bit corny.  Good message in the lyrics.  It sounds a bit churchy, or open mic type song.  Nice guitar playing and the sound of it is nice:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×