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David Ritchie

Wonder If I"ll Ever Get Home (Blues)

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I would appreciate your comments/suggestions, please.

David

 

 

Wonder If I’ll Ever Get Home   David Ritchie

 

When I step out on that highway

I wonder if I’ll ever get home

Two thousand miles away

I wonder if I’ll ever get home

 

It’s hot early in the morning

Daytime’s hotter still

I hope someone’ll find me walkin’

And let me rest a little while

 

It’s way too early in the morning

To be on my torn down way

An’ I ain’t got no place to stay

So I’ll just get on goin’

 

Chorus: (more intense)

Walk on, walk on, boy, walk on

I lived my life too fast

Gotta’ slow down ain’t got no choice

‘cause there’s a ball o’ fire ahead!

 

C’mon man, pick up that shoe

Put it out as far as it will go

Cain’t you move it on, cain’t you move it on

Cain’t you move it, my man

 

I wonder if I’ll ever get home

Before the sun go down for good

I wonder if I’ll ever get home

It’ll be a dark and dangerous day

 

Chorus: (more intense)

Walk on, walk on, boy, walk on

I lived my life too fast

Gotta’ slow down   ain’t got no choice

‘cause there’s a   ball o’ fire ahead!

 

Well, I ain’t got no time to lose

Don’t wanna be late, my life’s at stake

I’m going home, man, I’m goin’ home

I’m goin’ home, my man, I’m goin home.

 

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Servus    4

In my opinion it needs a stronger more established rhythm or some rhyme to make it flow more freely. 

Unless it was written to be spoken. But the way you repeat some lines contradicts that.

"when people speak they rarely repeat the same line 10 seconds later"

 

So ahh, yeah make it flow nicer maybe put in a nice hook line to begin the verse after the chorus and don't forget to change up the dynamics a bit

when you record to give it variation in intensity. 

Other than that the line "ball  o'fire" didn't really resonate well with me.
Wasn't sure what that meant in the context.  Everything else was clear. 

I mean it is blues after all, shouldn't be very cryptic to begin with anyway.

 

Nice song. Maybe just needs a more personal touch, either in the singing style or attitude of the way its sung.

Seems a bit boring to me as it is without being able to hear you sing it.

If you can make the lyrics feel personal with the way you deliver and execute a fat guitar then yeah, don't see why the the content needs to change. 

I'd probably suggest recording a demo as it is. Could be great for what it is already?

It's really hard to critique the lyrics without music. Definitely not anything too special though as lyrics go, but it could be a cool song.

I've been on those long journeys home after a night of long drinking and felt like I was never going to get home.

Bluesy theme for sure.

 

I hope you write a song about a long drunken walk home one day. I've never heard anyone write about that.

Also PM me any great blues artists you like. I'd be keen to hear your favourites :)

 

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Thanks for the well thought out suggestions. I appreciate it.

David

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wallabie    4

I have to admit, I don´t know much about blues, only from the musical perspective - as for example. A Jam Session with friends, there is always a blues involved. But I´ve never really listened to Blues-Lyrics, so I did not catch the Lyrical-Patterns or structure of Blues ... so I don´t feel that well prepared .. so I just speak out what I think :). Well, overall, the idea of the Lyric is good. But in a way, what is confusing me a bit, is the "hook-line".. it is wandering around. It might be better to use this line as an opener for each verse... ? 

Well, writing lyrics is a bit crazy.. the most important thing is, to keep everything singable. Did you try to sing a melody to it? 

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On 4/15/2017 at 3:03 PM, David Ritchie said:

I would appreciate your comments/suggestions, please.

David

 

 

Wonder If I’ll Ever Get Home   David Ritchie

 

When I step out on that highway

I wonder if I’ll ever get home

Two thousand miles away

I wonder if I’ll ever get home

The highway's callin' my name

Yeah eh, it's callin' my name 

 

two thousand miles to go

Gal, will I ever make it home?

I'm making it home yeah, I'll be makin it , makin'it home

 

In the wee hours of the mornin'

I be wiping' my brow, yeah, yeah, wipin' my brow

 

kerchief's hoppin' from my pocket as the sun  gettin' hotter still, whoa that sun gettin' , Uh, hotter still

 

Oh, uh, I'm makin' my way home, mmmm mmm I'm makin' my way home 

 

and so on...

 

Quote

It’s way too early in the morning

To be on my torn down way

An’ I ain’t got no place to stay

So I’ll just get on goin’

 

Chorus: (more intense)

Walk on, walk on, boy, walk on

I lived my life too fast

Gotta’ slow down ain’t got no choice

‘cause there’s a ball o’ fire ahead!

 

C’mon man, pick up that shoe

Put it out as far as it will go

Cain’t you move it on, cain’t you move it on

Cain’t you move it, my man

 

I wonder if I’ll ever get home

Before the sun go down for good

I wonder if I’ll ever get home

It’ll be a dark and dangerous day

 

Chorus: (more intense)

Walk on, walk on, boy, walk on

I lived my life too fast

Gotta’ slow down   ain’t got no choice

‘cause there’s a   ball o’ fire ahead!

 

Well, I ain’t got no time to lose

Don’t wanna be late, my life’s at stake

I’m going home, man, I’m goin’ home

I’m goin’ home, my man, I’m goin home.

 

Blues are just too fun. I hope you don't mind if I process something out with this--play with it a little....It's my understanding that lots of blues (southern blues) is spontaneous lyrically coming back to a few select words of focus--more of a rumination than a full story so to speak--hence lots of repeats slightly rephrased--just an observation, I'm no expert--just an observer/experimenter.  I'm supposing that by the intonation of lyrical dialect, you were thinking old time southern blues.

Edited by Pahchisme Plaid
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As always, I love your comments and suggestions!

David

 

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Philjo    28

With my (limited) knowledge of Blues it would go something like:

 

Step out on the highway

Wonder if I'll ever get home

Step out on the highway

Wonder if I'll ever get home

I've done alot of walking

And my mouth is drier than a bone

 

But then if they were all like that they would all sound the same!. Although there is more 'catchiness' in that format.

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John Craig    17

My attempt at 1st verse first David.  My attempt at 2nd verse              V3 a simple line swap

 

When I step out on the highway       It's hot this early mornin,             It's way too early mornin'

will I ever make it home.                   an' noontime hotter still.              to be on my torn down way.

Two thousand miles a long way,      Hopin' someone will pull over       So I'll just get goin'

why did I ever roam ?                      get that air conditioned chill.        ain't got nowhere I can stay.

 

Probably as much as you need ATM David, but I also like Philjo's idea above.

                                                                                                                      regards, John.

 

PS. Blues frequently sung in a "talking" / conversational style with immediate line repeats repeats; anything goes.

Edited by John Craig
just a PS.
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tomcollins    512

 step out on that highway

I wonder

if I’ll ever get home

Two thousand miles away

I wonder

if I’ll ever get home

 

Figured I'd chime in lol 

Some of the comments are pretty good 

Blues tend to be less is more.

So lyrically you want to feel the pain.

"Crying the blues baby"

Not sure if you had a melody but if not grab some ol'blues and spin off it.

 

wonder if I’ll ever get home

Before the sun go down for good

I wonder if I’ll ever get home

It’ll be a dark and dangerous day

This i would keep consistent with first.

Not sold on the chorus.

But wasnt sure how much input he wanted

Rock on

 

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Thanks for your help. I appreciate it.

David

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