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Hey guys, just wrote this song. Let me know what you think! Can't really seem to come up with a good name for it either, I thought of calling it "Drunk", but that just sounds more like a party song to me. For now I've called it "Headaches" but feel free to suggest something else! Smiley

Over and over again
Down this bottle for help
But time after time
There's just none to find

I'm so hungover from life
know these headaches better than my mind
but lately, I swear I will try
baby, just hold on for tonight

Cause my head hurts
but my heart's worse
Just give me a chance
I'll fix it, after this dance

But I feel drunk, when I sing this
Cause it wont make sense, cause we don't 


I wake up like I'm dead
You're sitting on the bed
Don't tell me though
I already know

Got so drunk that I couldn't speak
Guess the Jack just spoke for me
Told you things I didn't mean
Now you no longer speak to me

And my head hurts
but my heart's worse
Just need one more chance
After one last dance

And I feel drunk, when I sing this
Cause it won't make sense, cause we don't


Baby, baby , please
If I feel it, aint it real?
Ooh Ooh baby please
No, dont you leave

Am I drunk, when I sing this?
Cause it don't make sense, cause we don't
 
My head hurts
My heart's worse
You said no more chances
And I'm still here dancing
noooo, baby no


So danm drunk, when I sing this
It won't make sense, cause we don't

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I love the cadence allot and the way you handled all the descriptions. It's nicely organized too. You really drive the point "headaches" home. 

 

What I like most is that it pulls me into the emotions and the feeling of being a little woozy and dealing with a world and a relationship that don't make sense. My favorite line is: "won't make sense, cause we don't". 

 

I think that's the real hook in your song. I know that would be a long title however. I think "Headaches" is fine.

 

My favorite verse is:

 

Got so drunk that I couldn't speak
Guess the Jack just spoke for me
Told you things I didn't mean
Now you no longer speak to me

 

I like the personification of the Jack speaking....saying things you didn't mean.

 

All in all, a really fine job on this one. Should be nice to hear set to music. 

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Hi Annanash,

 

Nice going on this! Agree with Joey that's a good verse!   

:)

Peggy

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I'm sorry. To me, the whole story is just one big cliche. I challenge you to write something fresh and unique. I'm sure you can.

 

Geir

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On 5/6/2017 at 0:33 AM, Annanash said:

Over and over again
Down this bottle for help
But time after time
There's just none to find

 I like this, especially the last two lines.  Something most people can relate to.

 

On 5/6/2017 at 0:33 AM, Annanash said:

Cause my head hurts
but my heart's worse

This one's REALLY good!

 

On 5/6/2017 at 0:33 AM, Annanash said:

Cause it wont make sense, cause we don't 

Likewise.  Good writing.

 

I don't see a need for any "dance" references in this lyric.  They seem like a distraction.  A little hard to believe that if she's so concerned about the relationship, she'll fix it after one more dance.

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I think "My Head Hurts" would be a title option for this.  I think your lyrics could be as easily interpreted as a hangover from alcohol, except for the line, "hungover from life"  and I could actually see that whole verse making a fine chorus as that's really what your song is about and you could title it "Hungover From Life" . 

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