scotsman89

when you kiss me do it right

9 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

J Morrison               (C)        May 2017

 

 

if you're going to kiss me
you gotta do it right
kiss me 'cause you love me
not because you might
put your arms around me
pull  me in real tight
if you're going to kiss me
baby do it right#

 

the first time I met you
I knew you were the one
I wanted love you just wanted fun


if your going to kiss me
you gotta do it right
kiss me 'cause you love me
not because you might
put your arms around me
pull me in real tight
if your going to kiss me
baby do it right

 

kept hoping you would see
we were more than friends
it took sometime but got there in the end


if you're going to kiss me
you gotta do it right
kiss me 'cause you love me
not because you might
put your arms around me
pull me in real tight
if you're going to kiss me
baby do it right

 

I guess the time has come
because you know I love you
if you love me back you know what to do

 

if you're going to kiss me
you gotta do it right
kiss me 'cause you love me
not because you might
you put your arms around me
pulled me in real tight
if you're going to kiss me
baby  do it right

 

 

Edited by scotsman89
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Posted (edited)

Hi Scotsman,

Nice hook/title...If You're Gonna Kiss Me.

This is real neat and simple. I like that you start out with the chorus. It really works to do that for this kind of song.

I'd keep it simple and wouldn't change up the last chorus. It doesn't add anything, and you are indicating she hasn't kissed you thus far in the song...then you start talking about how great her kisses are. Not logical.

I realize you're trying to add more interest and have evolution in the song. But this neat little song might not need it. I'd just go with:

Chorus ~ Verse ~ Chorus ~ Verse ~ Chorus ~ Bridge ~ Chorus. It's got an up tempo feel to it (always good), so it might not be too long. With 4 chorus repetitions you are sure emphasizing the hook ~ "if you're gonna kiss me. That's a great idea.

I made some revisions just to give you some ideas. I do like this song. I like that it is straight forward and simple. As a musician, I could have some fun with this.

I hope you find something helpful here. Nice song! Joey

 

Quote

 

If You're Gonna Kiss Me

 

Chorus

if your gonna kiss me 
baby do it right
kiss because you love me
not just cus you might
put your arms around me 
pull  me in real tight
if your gonna kiss me 
gotta do it right..........just some ideas to consider

 

girl I've been in love before
hurt when she walked out the door
didn't think I'd love again
but now  I'm sure I can..........don't like the monotony of four identical end same rhymes in a verse (a,a,a,a) This is (a,a,b,b)

so

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

gave her all the love I could

did everything I thought I should
never dreamed I'd be left alone
broken hearted on my own......just some ideas to ponder. Again, 4 same end rhymes gets redundant.....puts ya to sleep.

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

Bridge

never thought I'd love again
but the moment you walked in
fell in love right there and then

but

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by JoeyM

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thanks for critique joey  

took it on board  change it a bit

 

john 

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Hi, Scotsman,

I loved this song from the first verse....which I discovered as I finished reading the lyric, was really the chorus..  no matter,  it's a great chorus!  Really great! The verses don't quite measure up yet, but I imagine this is just a first draft, so you can tighten it up. The verses seem a bit clumsy and forced, but if you can write a clean chorus like that, I'm sure you can write great verses to go with it.

 

Keep going, and good luck!

 

Patty

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Hi, John.

 

This chorus really sings! Nice job with it. I also wasn't seeing a need to change it up at the end. The challenge is creating verses that have some progression but still fit logically with the chorus--almost like a conversation that leads back to the same main  point of the chorus. A few ideas for the logic flow that could still fit the chorus:

V1 - He gets the idea that she wants kiss him and he needs to warn her, more generally, that its all or nothing

V2 - He gets more specific by sharing some history about being led on in the past and not wanting to be disappointed again

V3 - He shares what his hopes are for a serious relationship going forward

 

Just some ideas, but writing around this kind of logic flow really helps me when I'm trying to tell a story and avoid gaps that lead to disconnects between verse and chorus and between verses. ~T

 

 

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Patty 

thanks for read and critique . always have this problem write something that works then loose it some where else . ideas come quickly then fade the chorus was easy it just popped in . it was the verses that are hiding somewhere in the greyish matter 

 

john

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Timbre 

thanks for read as with Patty's suggestion .   work on verses trying to just waiting for results 

 

john

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On 5/7/2017 at 2:25 PM, scotsman89 said:

if your going to kiss me 
you gotta do it right
kiss me 'cause you love me
not because you might
put your arms around me 
pull  me in real tight
if your going to kiss me 
baby do it right

Yes, Great chorus!  I think starting the song  with it is a good idea.   I hope I'm not offending anyone if I say that this has a "country music" flavor to it, or maybe folk.  Very laid back feeling....at least to me anyway.    Good work

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Moptop

thanks for read and kind words . had no idea what  genre it would be .  just had a chorus and a few rubbish verses , hope I have improved it a bit

 

john

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