Jenn

I'll Be There FULL DEMO!!

18 posts in this topic

I've done it :D! I hope it's okay that I made a new thread.. the other one was getting a bit stuffy

But I'm pretty proud of this.. I need to sing it properly and add dynamics and everything. But I think the overall instrumentation/melody is there

As always, I'll take any critique at all! Thank you so much guys [smiley=heartpump.gif]

I also changed some lyrics and learned how to do an overall master of the track

https://soundcloud.com/jennifer8169456/ill-be-there-full-demo

[Verse 1]

I miss the oceans

I miss the skies

Beautiful times that aren't mine

Still I hold them close to my heart

As they tear me apart 

(Hope's not so far away, hope's not so far away)

 

[Chorus]

If I had the chance to not look back

Give up everything for time to last

I'll be there

I'll be there

I'll be there

 

[Verse 2]

If you find me in the waves

I don't want to be saved

Leave my shadow to the night

Let me forget the light

But still I hold them close to my heart

Even as they tear me apart

(Hope's not so far, hope's not so far)

 

[Bridge]

What's home if I can't stay?

(Hope's not so far away, hope's not so far away)

What's home if I can't stay?

(Hope's not so far away, hope's not so far away)

 

[Chorus]

If I had the chance to not look back

Give up everything for time to last

I'll be there

I'll be there

I'll be there

(Hope's not so far away, hope's not so far away)

 

If I had the chance to not look back

Give up everything for time to last

I'll be there

I'll be there

I'll be there

 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This sounds very good, @Jenn. Congrats! :walkman:

 

As you know, I love the pre-chorus and chorus but you surprised me with that 2nd verse: I found the phrasing quite clever and the melody was fresh. The bridge didn't really do much compared to the rest of the song...which I think is a good thing, tbh. But to make the bridge stand out more, I think you should add bass to the first-half of the 2nd verse(0:56 -1:03). I think that will make the bridge the most intimate/quiet part of the song?

 

Great work, Jenn.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

The vocals are a bit tentative.  You have a nice voice.  It needs to be heard.  And, a bridge (I think) could add the explanation that ties everything together:  What is it that you don’t want to see when you have to look back (as example)?  Thank you …

 

Have you heard this person?

 

 

 

Edited by Takoda

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, ImKeN said:

This sounds very good, @Jenn. Congrats! :walkman:

 

As you know, I love the pre-chorus and chorus but you surprised me with that 2nd verse: I found the phrasing quite clever and the melody was fresh. The bridge didn't really do much compared to the rest of the song...which I think is a good thing, tbh. But to make the bridge stand out more, I think you should add bass to the first-half of the 2nd verse(0:56 -1:03). I think that will make the bridge the most intimate/quiet part of the song?

 

Great work, Jenn.

yeah i wanted to the bridge to be this vulnerable little bit .. because i'm going to have the choruses and verses building in confidence and then stripped back down in the bridge. then that'll be followed by strong choruses afterwards.. 

i'll have to try playing around with the bass :) but i also need to add backing vocals and harmonies so we'll see..

i actually read this when you posted it and am just getting the chance to respond

i'm so happy you like it.. if you're the only one to ever like it, then i still have a reason to make it as best i can

 

2 hours ago, Takoda said:

The vocals are a bit tentative.  You have a nice voice.  It needs to be heard.  And, a bridge (I think) could add the explanation that ties everything together:  What is it that you don’t want to see when you have to look back (as example)?  Thank you …

 

Have you heard this person?

 

 

 

you must be new here... i'm in a dorm room and cant sing any of my songs with confidence because i dont want my floor to hear haha.. i always have big ideas for my vocal melodies though and really hope that i'll be able to do it with this song..

and the bridge was kind of improv.. and the line has meaning to me.. what's home if i can't stay? the song is about me wanting to move to europe in a couple of years with a little of interweaved metaphors (i think i find a new one every day).. and i guess the bridge is me thinking that i'll finally get to move, and not be happy. but it'll be my home but my mind and my happiness can't stay there..

mm.. haha that probably makes no sense but i'll try to make the vocals sound like what i mean when i get the chance to record them

Thank you so much for listening.. 

 

and no i haven't heard this song before. what about it??

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

A fine song and a fine production effort, Jenn.  My thoughts:

 

I would roll off some of the lowest lows from the low-sounding synths you have panned both left and right - especially the one on the left - because they complete too much with the bass.  The four-on-the-floor kick sounds like it's panned a bit to the right, and I think it needs to be dead center.  Lots of white noise from the mic, but that may in large part be due to you having to crank up the gain because you have to sing so softly.  Adding other voices to the solo right-panned "hope's not so far away" backing vocal and then having those backing vocals fill more the stereo field could sound sweeeeeeet, even if those other voices sang the same vocal melody without harmony.

 

David

 

 

 

 

Edited by HoboSage

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, HoboSage said:

A fine song and a fine production effort, Jenn.  My thoughts:

 

I would roll off some of the lowest lows from the low-sounding synths you have panned both left and right - especially the one on the left - because they complete too much with the bass.  The four-on-the-floor kick sounds like it's panned a bit to the right, and I think it needs to be dead center.  Lots of white noise from the mic, but that may in large part be due to you having to crank up the gain because you have to sing so softly.  Adding other voices to the solo right-panned "hope's not so far away" backing vocal and then having those backing vocals fill more the stereo field could sound sweeeeeeet, even if those other voices sang the same vocal melody without harmony.

 

David

 

 

 

 

thank you for listening :D! i was afraid to see what you wrote and still don't quite know what you mean by "fine".... but thank you so much

I agree that the track is very bass heavy 

what exactly do you mean by "roll off"??

I can definitely change the kick to the center..

and the air conditioner is always on in my room (Florida), but i'm gonna try to set up somewhere quiet to record vocals

 

And I actually also had the thought to pan vocals all over the place from the beginning! 

thank you again

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

"Fine" = very good.  "Roll off the lowest lows" from those synths  = EQ them so that the lowest frequencies don't come through to compete with the bass.

 

Why are you always "afraid" of what I think?   I'm a sweetheart!  

 

 . . . except when I'm not. Boo! :)

Edited by HoboSage

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Jenn, this is a really cool song! This is the kind of music I like to make. I have a few suggestions regarding the lyrics, though. Hopefully its helpful and I'm not just missing something, which happens way too often, haha.

 

The subject matter (missing home? maybe missing a different time?) allows for some easy imagery. There are a bunch of classic songs about this universal idea that, in my opinion, are really relatable because they force the listener to imagine some specific image of "home," or whatever it is that the narrator is longing for. I think you have the opportunity to paint a similar picture, but waste it. For example the line, "I miss the ocean." What do you miss about the ocean? Which ocean? What color was the sand? etc. Draw me in! I want to know more! I also have an issue with the line "I miss the skies." Not only are you missing an opportunity to grab the listener with some imagery, but it kind of sounds like you could be in a place without any sky, a dungeon maybe?

 

Overall, great song. I can't wait to hear the next iteration.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

11 minutes ago, mrcaterpillar said:

Hey Jenn, this is a really cool song! This is the kind of music I like to make. I have a few suggestions regarding the lyrics, though. Hopefully its helpful and I'm not just missing something, which happens way too often, haha.

 

The subject matter (missing home? maybe missing a different time?) allows for some easy imagery. There are a bunch of classic songs about this universal idea that, in my opinion, are really relatable because they force the listener to imagine some specific image of "home," or whatever it is that the narrator is longing for. I think you have the opportunity to paint a similar picture, but waste it. For example the line, "I miss the ocean." What do you miss about the ocean? Which ocean? What color was the sand? etc. Draw me in! I want to know more! I also have an issue with the line "I miss the skies." Not only are you missing an opportunity to grab the listener with some imagery, but it kind of sounds like you could be in a place without any sky, a dungeon maybe?

 

Overall, great song. I can't wait to hear the next iteration.

no, this song isn't quite about missing home..

i've been obsessed with the grandeur of the UK for as long as I can remember, but I'm from the U.S and have only ever been to Southern Ireland.

But I do have hopes of moving there one day..

I tried to keep this song very plain (if you can believe it), as if i was just walking along the street thinking about another place.. my thoughts out loud

So the song is kind of me getting that quick glimpse of when i was in ireland.. "I miss the ocean (i went to the cliffs of moher), i miss the skies"

well now.. it was cloudy when i went to ireland so i literally kind of missed the clear skies of home, but i also missed the grunge that came with constant overcast when i got back to the US. also, i'm in florida and the constant sunshine drives me crazy

and "beautiful times that aren't mine".. well I have this picture in my head of this place and i love it, but they truly aren't mine

pre chorus meaning: i don't know if i should stay where im comfortable (US) or go to the UK where i'll be all alone and this decision is one that i plan on making in the next year

 

if i had the chance.. to not look back.. i'd give up everything for time to last. kind of just continuing to struggling with going. "for time to last".. well i mean that i kind of want this moment right now to be preserved too, so that the dream lives on in my mind

 

if you find me in the waves, i don't want to be saved .. i've never been a good swimmer, so literally if i go swimming in the UK, it's what i want

but also, if things don't go well if i move, then leave me there. I'm doing what I've dreamt of

leave my shadow to the night, let me forget the night -- continuing to tell people to leave me alone even if i go bad. let me forget life in the US and everything that's behind me

there are many other things that i keep picking up on, that are relatable to me..

hopefully this clears things up...

i mean i guess the lyrics speak volumes for me and the vagueness of them might spark something in someone else..

they kind of drew you in with their ambiguity didnt they B)

 

thank you so much for the listen, and i do appreciate your advice. it's just i find myself singing this song to myself, and it makes me feel better..

maybe it's too close to heart it tears me apart

Edited by Jenn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, HoboSage said:

"Fine" = very good.  "Roll off the lowest lows" from those synths  = EQ them so that the lowest frequencies don't come through to compete with the bass.

 

Why are you always "afraid" of what I think?   I'm a sweetheart!  

 

 . . . except when I'm not. Boo! :)

thanks so much :) i figured out how to get to the EQ in garageband.. and i played with it a little and i think it sounds a little better! but i'll continue to try to learn about it

and thank you for the compliment [smiley=heartpump.gif] you're always a sweetheart 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Jenn, thanks for clearing that up. That is a cool idea for a song. I do like the lyrics more now that I know what they are about :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Dave a sweetheart? ...............    ............... ....... ah, hell. Okay, yeah. Dave is a sweet heart. Yeah I said it.

 

Jenn, In a decade and more of working with, talking with and learning from musicians online, I have many times seem a young artist start with simple, but well constructed songs such as this, and develop into scary good song writers and performers over the years as they progress in their talent and skills. I honestly believe, despite the limitations of the environment you have to work in, that I am hearing the seed work of what will one day be a fine singer/songwriter/performer. This song has some very strong elements, for what is clearly a piece limited by the circumstances of where you record and sing.

 

Nice work.

 

I hope you stay with us a long time. Watching your progress should be a lot of fun.

 

 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/9/2017 at 0:12 AM, Jenn said:

yeah i wanted to the bridge to be this vulnerable little bit .. because i'm going to have the choruses and verses building in confidence and then stripped back down in the bridge. then that'll be followed by strong choruses afterwards.. 

i'll have to try playing around with the bass :) but i also need to add backing vocals and harmonies so we'll see..

i actually read this when you posted it and am just getting the chance to respond

i'm so happy you like it.. if you're the only one to ever like it, then i still have a reason to make it as best i can

 

you must be new here... i'm in a dorm room and cant sing any of my songs with confidence because i dont want my floor to hear haha.. i always have big ideas for my vocal melodies though and really hope that i'll be able to do it with this song..

and the bridge was kind of improv.. and the line has meaning to me.. what's home if i can't stay? the song is about me wanting to move to europe in a couple of years with a little of interweaved metaphors (i think i find a new one every day).. and i guess the bridge is me thinking that i'll finally get to move, and not be happy. but it'll be my home but my mind and my happiness can't stay there..

mm.. haha that probably makes no sense but i'll try to make the vocals sound like what i mean when i get the chance to record them

Thank you so much for listening.. 

 

and no i haven't heard this song before. what about it??

This is a hit in my eyes, beautiful voice, along with the words. Radio quality, I say.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This sounds good Jenn. Two things I can think of. First, there's just a bit too much snapping but I reckon that's a matter of taste. The second, and I see it's been discussed some, is the vocals. You've got a great tone. They sounded very reserved (which I now know why) and that is causing them to have a "weak" kind of feeling. Let it rip with the vocals. Stop caring about other people and what they think of you or what you're doing. If they don't like it, they don't matter. Overall I think this is a really good song and hits where it should.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

nice song Jenn - all sorts of hooks going on.

If you are going to redo the vocal, bring them forward in the mix

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just sing is out loud, Jenn.. it'll sound great. You've got some nice, snappy music a basically nice vocal tone. Looking forward to a FULL RELEASE from a FULL DEMO :)

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/16/2017 at 4:47 PM, Just1L said:

This sounds good Jenn. Two things I can think of. First, there's just a bit too much snapping but I reckon that's a matter of taste. The second, and I see it's been discussed some, is the vocals. You've got a great tone. They sounded very reserved (which I now know why) and that is causing them to have a "weak" kind of feeling. Let it rip with the vocals. Stop caring about other people and what they think of you or what you're doing. If they don't like it, they don't matter. Overall I think this is a really good song and hits where it should.

i agree that maybe the snapping is too much.. but i was going for a dance-type song and i've taken notice to beats 2 and 4 being overly emphasized.. i need to play around with the entire mix some more. and i'm home now so i'll definitely be able to let it rip next time im home alone!! thank you for the listen

 

On 5/16/2017 at 5:22 PM, daryl1968 said:

nice song Jenn - all sorts of hooks going on.

If you are going to redo the vocal, bring them forward in the mix

i wasn't even trying for hooks!!! this melody just kind of came out in big chunks :D thanks for the listen!!

 

On 5/18/2017 at 1:57 PM, Sreyashi Mukherjee said:

Just sing is out loud, Jenn.. it'll sound great. You've got some nice, snappy music a basically nice vocal tone. Looking forward to a FULL RELEASE from a FULL DEMO :)

 

ah i'm so excited to try to get it done.. i also have some ideas for other songs too... may even.. get an EP by the end of the summer... maybe??? thank you.. i appreciate your listen as always

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not sure of the computer system you're using, but even if it's a desktop, it's really not all that much to take to some location away from your dorm where you can set up and record vocals as loud as you want.  I mean, part of paying dues for many musicians- at least ones who are truly committed to their music - is having to "lug gear."   Couldn't you find a place away from your dorm right now where you can record your vocals in private?  Perhaps the school itself has a decent-sounding room it would let you use from time to time for recording - if you just asked.  I assume your summer break starts soon, but maybe this is something to keep in mind when you go back to school next term.  Just sayin'.    :)

 

 

Edited by HoboSage

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.