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Patty Lakamp    41

I hear this song as kind of a country feel, with a driving beat. It's a bit tongue-in-cheek, but my girlfriends all love the concept of it.  See what you think:

 

 

“Just in Case”

(Patty Lakamp)

 

 

When love turns sideways and you’re feelin’ trapped

A lack of cash can leave you handicapped

Get some just-in-case money, just in case

So you can buy your ticket out and start over again

 

Your man keeps tellin’ you he’s workin’ late 

He’s dyein’ his hair and he’s losin’ weight

Get some just-in-case money, just in case

So you'll be the one lookin' good when you're makin' your break

 

 (Chorus) 

Just in case, just in case

A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case

Stay in love if you can

But play it smart and have a backup plan

 

You need to make sure that you’ll be okay

So take the time to plan your getaway

Get some just-in-case money, just in case

So you're not tied down to a life if you don't want to stay

 

(Chorus)

Just in case, just in case

A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case

Stay in love if you can

But play it smart and have a backup plan

 

(Bridge)

You need to invest for those times you detest

Give yourself the latitude

To grab your coat and hat-itude

 

 (Chorus)

Just in case, just in case

A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case

Stay in love if you can

But play it smart and have a backup plan

 

 

 

Patty Lakamp © Copyright 2017

 

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JoeyM    6

Hi Patty. I really  like this..... a fun and humorous woman's perspective on a relationship. Yes, I see it as country. Just going to give you some ideas. Not saying they're worth much.

I'm hearing a Shania Twain song......just as good as her writing!

 

When love turns sideways and you’re feelin’ trapped......sideways love is catchy and probably sings great. Not real sure what it means. Maybe consider "when love turns on you etc....But what you have might be just fine.

A lack of cash can leave you handicapped

Get some just-in-case money, just in case

So you can buy your ticket out and afford your own place............think you might want to rhyme with "case"

 

Your man keeps tellin’ you he’s workin’ late 

He’s dyein’ his hair and he’s losin’ weight............love the first two lines

Get some just-in-case money, just in case

So you'll be the one lookin' good when you're makin' your break............love lines 3 & 4 also

 

 (Chorus) 

Just in case, just in case

A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case................love "walkin money". That would also make a good hook/title for a song. It makes your chorus all the more powerful.

Stay in love if you can

But play it smart and have a backup plan.................great country chorus. Very catchy and with just the right amount of attitude!

 

You need to make sure that you’ll be okay

So take the time to plan your getaway

Get some just-in-case money, just in case

So you're not tied down to a life if you don't want to stay......very nice 3rd verse!

 

(Chorus)

Just in case, just in case

A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case

Stay in love if you can

But play it smart and have a backup plan

 

(Bridge)

You need to invest for those times you detest

Give yourself the latitude

To grab your coat and hat-itude...........funny.

 

Nice work Patti!

 

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Patty Lakamp    41

Joey,

 

You made my day!  I'm so glad you "got" what I was aiming for here.  This song is still a work in progress, but it's great that the concept worked with you.

 

When something "turns sideways," like a job, or a conversation, or a relationship, it means it's not going right, or not going the way you expected.  So I like that phrase for the first line.  

 

As for the 4th line, I agree it should rhyme with "case.".  I'm working on a version of this now:

 

 "So you can buy your ticket out and get outta this place."  <--I just want to get rid of the two "outs."

 

I have basically two versions of this song.  One is the one you read here, all about a love relationship that's not working. In the "love" version, I was thinking of an intro, maybe spoken, not sung, with these words: 

 

Love is great until it's not

So here's the best advice I've got

 

 The other one is about a whole life that's not working.  V1:  the man; v2: the job; v3: the town.  For example:

Alternate V1:

That man you fell for was a big mistake

You tried your best but it didn’t take

You need some just-in-case money, just in case

So you’ll have the cash that you need to make a clean break <--not right yet, but you get the idea

 

or

That man you fell for was a big mistake

You tried your best but it just didn’t take

You can talk and bargain till you’re blue in the face

But then there comes a point when you know, you’re outta this place 

 

I really like the above verse. Does it work for you?

 

Alternate V2:

Your boss keeps tellin’ you you gotta work late

There’s a raise involved if you cooperate

You need some just-in-case money, just in case

So you can put your foot to the floor and hit the interstate 

 

Alternate V3:

Your friends are the kind you can do without

This town’s gonna kill you if you don’t get out

You need some just-in-case money, just in case

So you can leave this town behind and get outta this place 

 

or

 

Your friends are the kind that often let you down

You’ve just about had it with this dreary town
You need some just-in-case money, just in case

So you can head on down the road to a place of your own

 

These verses would let me have a section at the end that has these words that the singer is almost shouting:

 

You need some just-in-case money, just in case

So you can leave

that man,

that job,

that town

and get outta this place

 

SO,  first I need to decide whether to make the song about LOVE or about LIFE, and then make the verses fit!

 

Hey, forum:

I'd appreciate any thoughts on that, plus advice on an intro--never used one before--and any favorite lines that grab you--or don't!

Thanks,

 

Patty 

 

 

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Vara La Fey    37

Another spiffy idea. I like this.  :-)

 

It's totally country, 'n' countreh jist ain't mah thang, so maaaybe it's been done before, but I've never heard of it.

 

My nitpicks....

 

I'm a huge fan of 1st person, as I think it can personalize a song more for the listener when they can sing along to "I this and I that". Personally I'd switch to 1st person on V1L3, like so, and then convert some of the rest as I go along. No point exemplifying all that, but I do have some rhythm tweak suggestions....

 

 

When love turns sideways and you’re feelin’ trapped

Empty wallet leaves you handicapped

I got some just-in-case money, just in case

I gotta buy my ticket out and make my getaway

 

Your man keeps tellin’ you he’s workin’ late 

He’s dyein’ his hair and he’s losin’ weight

Get some just-in-case money, just in case

And you'll be sitting pretty when you're driving away

 

(Chorus)

Just in case, just in case

A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case

Stay with your man as long as you can

But play it smart and have a backup plan

Just in case

 

You need to make sure you're gonna be okay

So take the time to plan your rainy day

Get some just-in-case money, just in case

So you're not tied down when you don't want to stay

 

(Chorus)

Just in case, just in case

A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case

Stay with your man as long as you can

But play it smart and have a backup plan

Just in case

 

(Bridge)

Peace of mind, reassurance

Two-timing-man insurance

Bought myself the latitude

To grab my coat and hat-itude

 

 (Chorus)

Just in case, just in case

A girl needs her walkin’ money, just in case

Stay with your man as long as you can

But play it smart and have a backup plan

Just in case

 

 

You might want to build up your toolbox. Here. I gots linkies....

http://rhymebrain.com/en

http://www.rhymer.com/

http://www.rhymezone.com/

....and....

http://thesaurus.com/

 

I couldn't resist playing with a chorus idea, just because.... I dunno. Because there's something wrong with me. AND because I'm tired. But fwiw....

 

Just in case, just in case

A girl needs her walkin’ money, just in case

I can stay with my man til the end of my days

with a cash cache bye-bye stash already in place

Just in case

 

 

 

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Vara La Fey    37

I vote no on the pre-amble. Your opening lines are all the intro it needs.

 

And I think the better subject is love, cause it's country, and cause writing about life will drive you crazy with all the options. And it still won't make for a better lyric, since what you've got is good pretty much as-is.

 

Second-guessing yourself is another thing that will drive you crazy.

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Patty Lakamp    41

Vara,

 

Great suggestions!  I love the way you added a Just in Case as the last line in the Chorus. It seems so obvious now that I see it, but it didn't occur to me. Thanks, too, for the advice to dump the intro. And, it's really helpful to hear the reasons to stay with the LOVE version not the LIFE version.  You're right, about how easy it is to drive yourself crazy.  Your edits and suggestions seem right to me...better rhythm, etc.   I'll play with the Bridge and the other lines.  I'll need to mull on this all for awhile, but you've given me lots to think about. 

 

Thanks, too, for the links. I've used them all except rhymebrain, so I'll check that out, too.

 

Patty

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Vara La Fey    37

As always, I'm happy if I can help.

 

The rhyming sites are all fairly alike. I've got even more of them, but saw no point in posting that many. Some will give you a couple rhymes or near-rhymes that the others won't. And when rhyming, here are 2 more things to think about....

 

1) Rhyme is rhythm. It won't replace syllable and accent rhythm, but each rhyme stands out, and the timing pattern that they make together is its own rhythm.

 

2) The vowel sounds make the rhyme. Rhyming vowels is way more important than rhyming consonants. (You prolly already know this.) In my suggestions above, I rhymed "case" with "getaway" and in V2 I rhymed it with "away". In V3 you had already rhymed it with "stay". They're not perfect, but they work fairly well.

 

Speaking of rhyme and rhythm.... here's a bridge I did 2-3 weeks ago just cause I had the basic idea and couldn't resist trying it.

 

Oh baby need baby
grow baby grow
No maybe go crazy
oh baby oh
Sow baby seed baby
mo' baby mo'
Oh baby oh baby
GO BABY GO

 

It only somewhat fits the song I put it in, so I might spin it off to my "Parts" folder and use it somewhere later. I do that.  :-)

 

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scotsman89    335

feel you are all making this into something really good that is all I have .  keep it going

 

john

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Patty Lakamp    41

Thanks, Scotsman,

 

I'll be working on the revisions for awhile, and when I'm done, I think I'll take Vara's advice and try one version in the 2nd person as now, and one in the 1st  person and see how they feel to me.  Might have to come back to the forum to see which one people prefer. I think the people here are a great resource...so much experience and talent!

 

Thanks,

 

Patty

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Patty Lakamp    41

Here is my latest revision of Just in Case.  I've incorporated a lot of suggestions from the forum, and I think they've (you've) made the song better.  Vara--I tried a 1st person version and it just didn't speak to me, so I'll save that option for something else.  I've tried to pay attention to rhythmic consistency for the verses, which is something I tend to forget!  Anyway, please take another look and see what you think. I think this song would be REALLY FUN to sing with some peppy music behind it.

 

 “Just in Case”

(Patty Lakamp)

 

V1

When love turns sideways and you’re feelin’ trapped

A lack of cash can be a handicap  

You need some just-in-case money, just in case

So you can buy your ticket out and make your getaway

 

V2

Your man keeps tellin’ you he’s workin’ late 

He dyed his hair and now he’s losin’ weight

You need some just-in-case money, just in case

So you’ll be lookin’ good as gold along the interstate 

 

 (Chorus) 

Just in case, just in case

A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case

Stay with your man

as long as you can

But play it smart

and have a backup plan

(Just in case)

 

V3

You need to make sure that you’ll be okay

So take the time to plan your rainy day

You need some just-in-case money, just in case

So you’ll have all the green you need if you don’t want to stay

 

(Chorus) 

Just in case, just in case

A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case

Stay with your man

as long as you can

But play it smart

and have a backup plan

(Just in case)

 

(Bridge)

You gotta invest for those times you detest

Give yourself the latitude

Buy yourself the latitude

To grab your coat and hat-itude

 

 (Chorus) 

Just in case, just in case

A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case

Stay with your man

as long as you can

But play it smart

and have a backup plan

(Just in case)

 

 

 

Patty Lakamp © Copyright 2017

 

 

Edited by Patty Lakamp
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snabbu    437

Hi Patty

The rewrite:

Most of it feels fine to me. The rhyme scheme is pretty relentless, but on balance, because it's a tongue in cheek song, that's ok in this instance. Normally it wouldn't be, so this is an exception. 

The only thing in there that set off the cheese meter was "To grab your coat and hat-etude" 

With the exception of that it's pitched with the right amount of tongue in your cheek.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

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Patty Lakamp    41

Thanks, Gary,

 

What do do you mean by the rhyme scheme is "relentless?"

 

You're right about it being a tongue-in-cheek song.  That's why I felt "grab your coat and hat-Itude" would work. Hopefully,  some others will comment and we can see  how they feel about it. I think I'd get a kick out of singing it and hearing it, but maybe that's just me.

 

Thanks for taking time to critique.

 

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snabbu    437

By relentless I mean excluding verse one 

It goes A for six lines: late, weigh,t case, interstate, case, case, then B for two lines, man, can, then release  after 8 lines wit,  smart. It a long time waiting for a break from the rhymes. If the song was not TIC it would just be too much. 

 

Cheers

 

Gary 

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Vara La Fey    37

Hi there.  Good new version.

 

V2L2 has an extra "he's". (Yeah, an extra "he's". Just how many men is the singer having trouble with, anyway??)

 

Rhythm nit: "So you’ll be lookin’ good as gold along the interstate" is 1 too many syllables, judging by the equivalent line in V1. That will throw the rhythm off, or force words to be jammed together like an auctioneer. Suggestion: "So you're looking good as gold...."

 

Same kinda thing with " So you’ll have all the green you need if you don’t want to stay". Suggestion: "So you've got the green you need...."

 

I vote for "buy yourself". After all, it's really about cash. Keep hitting on that theme.   :-)

 

But I don't think "....for those times you detest" works at all. That's why I suggested other stuff in that spot last time. It seems very forced, and it implies that you've already been through those times, which isn't necessary to the story. "Invest" keeps the cash theme going, so it's good. I'd hit the rhyme sites for that one.

 

Soooo. Does your man know you wrote that lyric? Just wondering....  :-)

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Vara La Fey    37

I think "hat-itude" works very well in this song. It wouldn't in most. Ditto the relentless rhyme vowel. That kind of thing can be used for effect as well, but cautiously. I did a lot of it in Radio Free World (if you've seen that one).

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Patty Lakamp    41
8 hours ago, snabbu said:

By relentless I mean excluding verse one 

It goes A for six lines: late, weigh,t case, interstate, case, case, then B for two lines, man, can, then release  after 8 lines wit,  smart. It a long time waiting for a break from the rhymes. If the song was not TIC it would just be too much. 

 

Cheers

 

Gary 

Thanks for that.  I get it.

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Patty Lakamp    41
3 hours ago, Vara La Fey said:

Hi there.  Good new version.

 

V2L2 has an extra "he's". (Yeah, an extra "he's". Just how many men is the singer having trouble with, anyway??)

 

Rhythm nit: "So you’ll be lookin’ good as gold along the interstate" is 1 too many syllables, judging by the equivalent line in V1. That will throw the rhythm off, or force words to be jammed together like an auctioneer. Suggestion: "So you're looking good as gold...."

 

Same kinda thing with " So you’ll have all the green you need if you don’t want to stay". Suggestion: "So you've got the green you need...."

 

I vote for "buy yourself". After all, it's really about cash. Keep hitting on that theme.   :-)

 

But I don't think "....for those times you detest" works at all. That's why I suggested other stuff in that spot last time. It seems very forced, and it implies that you've already been through those times, which isn't necessary to the story. "Invest" keeps the cash theme going, so it's good. I'd hit the rhyme sites for that one.

 

Soooo. Does your man know you wrote that lyric? Just wondering....  :-)

 

 

Fixed the typo in V2L2. Thanks.

 

OK, Since I'm so new at this, I need to ask a newbie question.  I purposely made the line 4's into what I thought were identical syllable counts.  14 each in all 3 verses.  The L4's are longer than lines 1-2-3, but I thought could work with the right melody.  

I don't have any problem shortening the L4's, but I'm confused because I thought they matched as is.

 

Agree with "Buy" not "Give" in this song.

 

"Detest."  That's the word my girlfriend used to describe the turmoil at the end of her marriage, so it stuck with me. But I can do something else. You're right about "detest" suggesting the problems have already happened/are happening, and this is a "just in case" situation, after all.  Another good catch.  

 

To answer your last question, my husband knows I'm having a lot of fun writing songs!

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Summer Days    13
On 5/9/2017 at 1:18 PM, Patty Lakamp said:

I hear this song as kind of a country feel, with a driving beat. It's a bit tongue-in-cheek, but my girlfriends all love the concept of it.  See what you think:

 

 

“Just in Case”

(Patty Lakamp)

 

 

When love turns sideways and you’re feelin’ trapped

A lack of cash can leave you handicapped

Get some just-in-case money, just in case

So you can buy your ticket out and start over again

 

Your man keeps tellin’ you he’s workin’ late 

He’s dyein’ his hair and he’s losin’ weight

Get some just-in-case money, just in case

So you'll be the one lookin' good when you're makin' your break

 

 (Chorus) 

Just in case, just in case

A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case

Stay in love if you can

But play it smart and have a backup plan

 

You need to make sure that you’ll be okay

So take the time to plan your getaway

Get some just-in-case money, just in case

So you're not tied down to a life if you don't want to stay

 

(Chorus)

Just in case, just in case

A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case

Stay in love if you can

But play it smart and have a backup plan

 

(Bridge)

You need to invest for those times you detest

Give yourself the latitude

To grab your coat and hat-itude

 

 (Chorus)

Just in case, just in case

A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case

Stay in love if you can

But play it smart and have a backup plan

 

 

 

Patty Lakamp © Copyright 2017

 

 

I  love strong songs, they help us through some tough times. 

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Vara La Fey    37
On 5/21/2017 at 7:00 AM, Patty Lakamp said:

 

 

Fixed the typo in V2L2. Thanks.

 

OK, Since I'm so new at this, I need to ask a newbie question.  I purposely made the line 4's into what I thought were identical syllable counts.  14 each in all 3 verses.  The L4's are longer than lines 1-2-3, but I thought could work with the right melody.  

I don't have any problem shortening the L4's, but I'm confused because I thought they matched as is.

 

Agree with "Buy" not "Give" in this song.

 

"Detest."  That's the word my girlfriend used to describe the turmoil at the end of her marriage, so it stuck with me. But I can do something else. You're right about "detest" suggesting the problems have already happened/are happening, and this is a "just in case" situation, after all.  Another good catch.  

 

To answer your last question, my husband knows I'm having a lot of fun writing songs!

 

Oh, you're right, they are the same. My bad. But I went by the rhythm, cause as I've said before, straight-up syllable counts can mislead. (I stopped relying on them maybe a decade ago, but they're good to be aware of when you're starting out.)

 

Quick off the top of my tired head example: "Burdened and entwined, you say", and "Entwined and burdened often" have identical syllable counts. But if you were to put them in the same place in 2 different verses, the melody and the beats that the melody falls on would have to change. (Unless you like acCENting the wrong sylLABle.) If you tap your foot while reciting those lines (and your lines!!), you'll see this kind of thing.

 

The "interstate" line isn't anywhere near that bad, so this is just another nit-pick: at our straight foot-tap reading, "you'll be" wants to condense to "yoolby" so it can fit it into the space between the previous line and "LOOKin'". "LOOKin" wants to fall on beat 1 of the bar, so anything between it and the last line in the previous bar(s) just kinda needs to condense. "You're" is already condensed to one syllable, so it will sing a little smoother. And by and large, fewer syllables between your accents is better. Generally.

 

And btw, "LOOKin" doesn't totally have to fall on beat 1, but that's its natural home. Natural, flowing, foot-tappable lyrics lend themselves well to melody. If you don't write melodies, you will need to be especially careful about this.

 

Having some lines longer than others within a verse totally works, and is usually a good idea. Your longer L4s are perfectly placed.

 

Ok, missy, the fact that your hubby knows you're "having a lot of fun writing songs" did NOT answer the question!! But as non-answers go, it was slick as hell. So I'm accepting it.  :-P

 

 

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Patty Lakamp    41

OF COURSE he knows I wrote that lyric!  I show him all my lyrics, and he just smiles.

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Patty Lakamp    41

Good advice on the musical bars/rhythm/syllables.  I'll spend some time on that.  Thanks!

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Vara La Fey    37

I'm glad you can share that with him. After a while I just had to wonder. A lot of writers write from personal experience, ya know.  :-)

 

Yep. Tap your foot. Do you know how to count a bar? The 1 2 3 4 kinda thing? That will help. You'll prolly only need 3/4, 4/4 and 6/8.

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snabbu    437
On 26/05/2017 at 8:43 PM, Vara La Fey said:

 

Oh, you're right, they are the same. My bad. But I went by the rhythm, cause as I've said before, straight-up syllable counts can mislead. (I stopped relying on them maybe a decade ago, but they're good to be aware of when you're starting out.)

 

Quick off the top of my tired head example: "Burdened and entwined, you say", and "Entwined and burdened often" have identical syllable counts. But if you were to put them in the same place in 2 different verses, the melody and the beats that the melody falls on would have to change. (Unless you like acCENting the wrong sylLABle.) If you tap your foot while reciting those lines (and your lines!!), you'll see this kind of thing.

 

The "interstate" line isn't anywhere near that bad, so this is just another nit-pick: at our straight foot-tap reading, "you'll be" wants to condense to "yoolby" so it can fit it into the space between the previous line and "LOOKin'". "LOOKin" wants to fall on beat 1 of the bar, so anything between it and the last line in the previous bar(s) just kinda needs to condense. "You're" is already condensed to one syllable, so it will sing a little smoother. And by and large, fewer syllables between your accents is better. Generally.

 

And btw, "LOOKin" doesn't totally have to fall on beat 1, but that's its natural home. Natural, flowing, foot-tappable lyrics lend themselves well to melody. If you don't write melodies, you will need to be especially careful about this.

 

Having some lines longer than others within a verse totally works, and is usually a good idea. Your longer L4s are perfectly placed.

 

Ok, missy, the fact that your hubby knows you're "having a lot of fun writing songs" did NOT answer the question!! But as non-answers go, it was slick as hell. So I'm accepting it.  :-P

 

 

Just to clear up syllable count.

The length of a line is dictated by the number of naturally stressed syllables in the line, not the actual number of syllables. The line you were discussing is a five. 

 

There are are two ways to make sure this is correct the easy way and the hard way.

 

the easy way is to set a drum loop going and chant the lyric to the beat listening to the stress and making sure it's natural and the same for each first line, second line and so on for the verses.

 

The hard way, not hard but a bit more work: 

print out the lyric, take a hi lighter, say each line just as you would say in conversational English. Highlight the naturally stressed syllables in each line. 

Then count up the highlights and write that number in brackets at the end of each line.

 

Now check that the line lengths ( stressed syllables count) matches the corresponding line in each verse. 

 

Then check that the stressed sylables are substantially in the same place in each corresponding line.

 

Edit to fix any issues.

 

As an additional bonus doing this method you can now look at your pacing. That is how the lyric moves along. 

 

If for example the lines get shorter towards the back of the verse the song will accelerate into the chorus. 

 

So so you can fiddle with this to taste.

 

You can also check for any prosody issues between the verses. If the lyric says some thing that dictates melodic motion for example "way up high" which would fit with a rising melody you need to check that in the same position in all the verses the lyric is either neutral or suggesting upward motion, if it's something like "way down low" your going to have a prosody issue. 

 

Cheers

 

Gary

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Patty Lakamp    41

Great comment, Gary.  Thanks.  

 

I am working on this using my variations of both of your methods.  It's a rather simple concept, but one I hadn't focused on enough.  Sometimes I struggle with trying to put too many non-stressed syllables between the stressed ones.  I find, like Vara said, it's usually better to have fewer syllables between the accents, rather than trying to jam too many words in between.  I'm finding that an old-fashioned metronome helps a lot. And tapping my desktop a lot!  

 

I especially appreciated the reminder about how to pace the song so it accelerates into the chorus.

 

Patty

 

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snabbu    437
On 5/29/2017 at 11:51 PM, Patty Lakamp said:

Great comment, Gary.  Thanks.  

 

I am working on this using my variations of both of your methods.  It's a rather simple concept, but one I hadn't focused on enough.  Sometimes I struggle with trying to put too many non-stressed syllables between the stressed ones.  I find, like Vara said, it's usually better to have fewer syllables between the accents, rather than trying to jam too many words in between.  I'm finding that an old-fashioned metronome helps a lot. And tapping my desktop a lot!  

 

I especially appreciated the reminder about how to pace the song so it accelerates into the chorus.

 

Patty

 

Hey Patty

Buy yourself a green pen and cross out every non stressed syllable that is not absolutely necessary. Remember "good grammar doth not a pop song make."

"have something to say and say it economically"

 

Pencil tapping is fine, its equivalent to a loop. 

However if you use loops that have drums base and a chord sequence, you can get a feel of melodic direction as well. But that is multitasking and it takes a bit of practice.

 

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

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Patty Lakamp    41

Thanks, Gary,

 

You have a lot more experience with this than I do, and I appreciate your input.

 

Patty

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