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LooknGlass

What Am I To You

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LooknGlass    379

I sat down one night with the intention of writing something different and experimenting a little. Whether it works or not, well, I don’t really know. Some who have read the lyric say yes, some say no. The concept being what the singer wants you to figure out. My collaborator, Ramiro Montes De Oca picked up the lyric and added the music and vocal. Thoughts and suggestions very welcome.

 

What Am I To You


I have saved good people
I have killed them too
I have fed the hungry
and took food from a few

 

What am I to you,
What am I, what am I to you?

 

Sometimes give assistance
and sometimes I subdue
Sometimes I’m a bluffer,
other times; follow through

 

What am I to you,
What am I, what am I to you?

 

(Bridge)
To one I’m good
to one I’m evil
To some; bring peace
To some; upheaval
It all depends on your point of view

 

What am I to you,
What am I, what am I to you?

 

To some I’m accepted
To some I am taboo
Backed, or a target
like the one I point to

 

What am I to you,
What am I, what am I to you?

 

2017© L. James Tanner

 

 

 

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I like this! Here's some comments:

 

  • The synth bass and the intro set the mood for the song perfectly. Very nice.
  • The vocals might be a bit too loud.
  • The white noise sound in my right ear starting from around 30s and getting louder from 40s onwards is kind of uncomfortable and distracting.
  • First impression was that I felt the song could do with a bridge. But then I read the lyrics and it said 'Bridge' somewhere. At the moment the bridge doesn't seem different enough from the chorus. Sounds like it's almost exactly the same chords, and the change in vocal melody alone isn't a big enough shift from the chorus for me.

 

Is the answer money? :)

 

Edited by Will Sketches

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Matthew76    232

Love the atmosphere on this one...

It could make a good song for an album of Depeche Mode, I find;)...

Great and powerfull sound in any case...

The synths, the drums and the singing are brilliant...

Well done for this!

 

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LooknGlass    379
On 5/14/2017 at 6:31 AM, Will Sketches said:

I like this! Here's some comments:

 

  • The synth bass and the intro set the mood for the song perfectly. Very nice.
  • The vocals might be a bit too loud.
  • The white noise sound in my right ear starting from around 30s and getting louder from 40s onwards is kind of uncomfortable and distracting.
  • First impression was that I felt the song could do with a bridge. But then I read the lyrics and it said 'Bridge' somewhere. At the moment the bridge doesn't seem different enough from the chorus. Sounds like it's almost exactly the same chords, and the change in vocal melody alone isn't a big enough shift from the chorus for me.

 

Is the answer money? :)

 

Thanks a mil for your response and critique Will. I will relay your observations to Ramiro, and see what he thinks. This is a first pass so I'll see if anything else is coming especially bridge wise. Like I said in my post, this was an experiment, with the idea the singer would introduce the song as a riddle. Now some have said they don't get it with some of the verses after knowing the answer, and some are ok with it. The answer is; a gun

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LooknGlass    379
5 hours ago, Matthew76 said:

Love the atmosphere on this one...

It could make a good song for an album of Depeche Mode, I find;)...

Great and powerfull sound in any case...

The synths, the drums and the singing are brilliant...

Well done for this!

 

Thanks for the listen and comment Matthew. I liked Ramiro's take on it myself. I've never worked with him before, but I hope to again.

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HoboSage    1,906

Cool!  I think the bridge would hit home a lot stronger if he could go higher to sing it.   Going back to another verse lyric  again after the bridge feels like a big step backward in the evolution of the song to me. A verse that was instrumental with a killer lead line following the bridge would work well though.  I also think the bridge could stand to be longer too.  So, I'm wondering if the third verse lyric could be incorporated into a doubly-longer bridge.  With a longer bridge, the song could, and should, then go from the bridge right to the double-long final chorus.  I think the song would sound great that way too.

 

(Double Bridge Idea)
To one I’m good
To one I’m evil
To some; bring peace
To some; upheaval
It all depends on your point of view

To one I’m a target

To one, deflected

To some I'm desired

To some, rejected

It all depends on what's deemed taboo

 

Just an idea, and just my opinions.

Edited by HoboSage

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LooknGlass    379

Man, that's a good idea David, I like it a lot, and I'm mad (not really) that I didn't come up with that bridge idea, it's great! I gotta see if my collaborator has some free time soon, to pitch that. Thanks, great mind jog!....I just made that up. :)

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Richard Tracey    250

This is a cool track. Like someone mentioned, it has a very nice Depeche Mode vibe going on. The melodies are excellent and the instrumentation, especially the guitar are very well done. 

 

I feel it needs something extra going on and I would prefer if he sang the chorus with more of a higher pitch and feeling (i can hear in my head how it should sound).

 

I agree with David about the bridge, it should be doubled up and it only needs another synth melody over the top of it, to make it stand out against the rest of the track.

 

Great start though and feel the lyrics are top notch and I love the subject. I wouldn't change them other than David's suggestion above.

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LooknGlass    379
1 hour ago, Richard Tracey said:

This is a cool track. Like someone mentioned, it has a very nice Depeche Mode vibe going on. The melodies are excellent and the instrumentation, especially the guitar are very well done. 

 

I feel it needs something extra going on and I would prefer if he sang the chorus with more of a higher pitch and feeling (i can hear in my head how it should sound).

 

I agree with David about the bridge, it should be doubled up and it only needs another synth melody over the top of it, to make it stand out against the rest of the track.

 

Great start though and feel the lyrics are top notch and I love the subject. I wouldn't change them other than David's suggestion above.

Thanks a mil for the listen and critique Richard. Good stuff to pass on. I had a little lack of confidence in the lyric because I never wrote one as a riddle before, but I'm glad peeps like it. I honestly can't name a song Depeche Mode sang so now I'm off to Youtube to see if I have heard them.

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tunesmithth    1,217
Quote

 I honestly can't name a song Depeche Mode sang so now I'm off to Youtube to see if I have heard them.

 

I recommend "Personal Jesus"...excellent tune & part of my iTunes library for many years! ;)

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Richard Tracey    250
15 minutes ago, LooknGlass said:

Thanks a mil for the listen and critique Richard. Good stuff to pass on. I had a little lack of confidence in the lyric because I never wrote one as a riddle before, but I'm glad peeps like it. I honestly can't name a song Depeche Mode sang so now I'm off to Youtube to see if I have heard them.

 

Listen to Enjoy The Silence - for me that is their best song.

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GocartMoz    437

I really enjoyed this.  Very powerful music with the synth bass.  Loved the lyric too, though I agree with the others that the bridge needs more differentiation. Excellent powerful song.

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LooknGlass    379
7 hours ago, tunesmithth said:

 

I recommend "Personal Jesus"...excellent tune & part of my iTunes library for many years! ;)

 

7 hours ago, Richard Tracey said:

 

Listen to Enjoy The Silence - for me that is their best song.

Ok, now I know I know them. I have heard both those songs, and I like them both too, but I have heard "Personal Jesus" get more airplay (at least in the past) You guys are right, it does have their kind of vibe.

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LooknGlass    379
4 hours ago, GocartMoz said:

I really enjoyed this.  Very powerful music with the synth bass.  Loved the lyric too, though I agree with the others that the bridge needs more differentiation. Excellent powerful song.

Thanks man, I really appreciate the listen and feedback, as well as the compliment. I got a message from Ramiro (the musician) today. I guess we got another collab coming soon. I like him a lot, he's got loads of talent.

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Great intro!

Drums and bass sound fab, deep, full and yet crisp.

To me the vocals are too up front in the mix as well as some of the synth "noises" that gets really annoying at some parts.

Personally I'd loose some of the vocal processing that really don't add anything but hey, that may very well just be me.
Great stuff!

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