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Peggy    380

**** updated version ****

 

Turning        Copyright 05/13/2017 Peggy L. Smart-Barnes

----------- C 1 -------------
Turning a little each day
To make it through

Turning a little each day
It's all I know to do

----------- V 1 -------------
Turning
I'm turning

Prayers don't stop the tears
But I still pray

----------- V 2 -------------
Turning
I'm turning

Time can't change the years
I wish away

----------- C 3 -------------
Turning a little each day
To make it through

Turning a little each day
It's all I know to do

----------- V 3 -------------
Turning
I'm turning

Truth brings light when near
No words to say

----------- C 4 -------------
Turning a little each day
To make it through

Turning a little each day
It's all I know to do

----------- V 3 R ------------
Turning
I'm turning

Truth brings light when near
No words to say

----------- O 1 --------------
Turning
I'm turning

Turning
I'm turning

Turning a little each day
It's all I know to do

==================================================================

Hi there,

 

Alittle different for me and my super structure attitude.  This had a jazzy feel for me when I wrote it, abit avant-grade :)

Critiques welcome and appreciated.

Peggy 

 

Turning     Copyright 05/13/2017 Peggy L. Smart-Barnes (1st draft)


Turning a little each day
To make it through

Turning a little each day
Is all I know to do

Turning
I'm turning

Prayers don't stop the tears
But I still pray

Turning a little each day
To make it through

Turning a little each day
Is all I know to do

Turning
I'm turning

Time can't change the years
I wish away

Turning a little each day
To make it through

Turning a little each day
Is all I know to do

Turning
I'm turning

Prayers don't stop the tears
But I still pray

Time can't change the years
I wish away

Turning a little each day
To make it through

Turning a little each day
Is all I know to do

Turning
I'm turning

Turning
I'm turning

Edited by Peggy
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tomcollins    512

I'm digging this

Way off path you usually take.

But in a good way.

Feel if music was with it another couplet would be called for. 

I didn't get jazzy more pop came when reading 

 

Rock on

 

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scotsman89    335

Peggy 

pretty sound write . 

 

the tears will stop time won't change

I still turn a little every day

 

turning

I'm turning

 

john

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Peggy    380
6 hours ago, tomcollins said:

I'm digging this

Way off path you usually take.

But in a good way.

Feel if music was with it another couplet would be called for. 

I didn't get jazzy more pop came when reading 

 

Rock on

 

Thanks Tom for the read and nice comments!  I think you're right about needing another couplet, on it now.

 

Pop? I can hear that :)

 

Peggy

Edited by Peggy

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Peggy    380
3 hours ago, scotsman89 said:

Peggy 

pretty sound write . 

 

the tears will stop time won't change

I still turn a little every day

 

turning

I'm turning

 

john

Hi John,

Thanks for taking a look and the idea.

:)

Peggy

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Summer Days    13
18 hours ago, Peggy said:

Hi there,

 

Alittle different for me and my super structure attitude.  This had a jazzy feel for me when I wrote it, abit avant-grade :)

Critiques welcome and appreciated.

Peggy

 

 

Turning     Copyright 05/13/2017 Peggy L. Smart-Barnes

Turning a little each day
To make it through

Turning a little each day
Is all I know to do

Turning
I'm turning

Prayers don't stop the tears
But I still pray

Turning a little each day
To make it through

Turning a little each day
Is all I know to do

Turning
I'm turning

Time can't change the years
I wish away

Turning a little each day
To make it through

Turning a little each day
Is all I know to do

Turning
I'm turning

Prayers don't stop the tears
But I still pray

Time can't change the years
I wish away

Turning a little each day
To make it through

Turning a little each day
Is all I know to do

Turning
I'm turning

Turning
I'm turning

I love these powerful words, so meaningful

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Peggy    380
4 hours ago, Summer Days said:

I love these powerful words, so meaningful

Thanks Summer Days!  Going to add a couplet and hopefully it will tighten up just abit. :)

Peggy

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Peggy    380

Hi!  

Thanks for the helpful input.  I added a couplet and cleaned up abit. Thinking might be too long with the add.  Original is below updated version. Appreciate any look over and thoughts.

 

Thanks again!!

 Peggy :)

Edited by Peggy

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MikeRobinson    146

(Pardon me for bustin' into this [pity] party ... but ...)

 

"What about the other human-being in this equation?  What about the girl?"

 

It's a perfectly-acceptable artistic decision to admit "only the jilted-lover's reaction to" "the girl's actual decision," so long as "the girldoes, somehow, "make the stage."  Any song that merely consists of "the jilted lover, sobbing," is doomed to be "nothing more than 'a sob story.'"

Edited by MikeRobinson
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Peggy    380
1 hour ago, MikeRobinson said:

(Pardon me for bustin' into this [pity] party ... but ...)

 

"What about the other human-being in this equation?  What about the girl?"

 

It's a perfectly-acceptable artistic decision to admit "only the jilted-lover's reaction to" "the girl's actual decision," so long as "the girldoes, somehow, "make the stage."  Any song that merely consists of "the jilted lover, sobbing," is doomed to be "nothing more than 'a sob story.'"

Hi Mike,

Love your honesty! Ok it does sound like a pity party and needs a relook hopefully moving it in a better direction ... yikes!

It's not really about a relationship but  gives that impression. I was aware of that and let it happen in my write, oops! But i worked at just the "i"....  guess that came out.. haha

It's really about coming back after a tragic time :) i tried to project the spirit of over-coming, adjusting...

 

I think i better que into the jilted lover aspect.. put alittle bite in there  B) 

 

Peggy

 

Edited by Peggy

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Patty Lakamp    41

Peggy,

 

I've read both versions and each time, I want to cheer when you say, "It's all I know to do."  So many writers would have written, "It's all I know how to do," and I just really appreciate the restraint and precision.  Good job!

 

The whole concept of "turning" is a mystery to me, but if it hasn't bothered others, I guess that's just me. I don't think I understand what this song is about.  (What "other human-being in this equation"? ) I'm lost.  Sorry.

 

I stumbled over "Truth brings light when near." I bet you could express that better.

 

Is this person really "wishing away" the years?  Like wishing they hadn't happened? I kinda want to know what happened.

 

Can you add something to reveal more of what this is about?

 

Patty

 

 

 

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tomcollins    512

I liked the rewrite.

Not sure but i don't get the potty party .not. Does it seem "not sure what it's about"

Wuth music that type crits may settle. But For me it brought meaning you intended.

Maybe cause it was the first thing I read? 

Now could a bridge of sorts maybe be put into place. Not sure would depend on music. Either jazz or pop feel the music may close any gaps others are feeling.

For me it's nice to have a lyric that doesnt spell everything out. 

Will come back and do a re-read for something did tug at me but started reading comments.

I like it. For me i hear a strong sax and a bit sultry base line( unplugged) 

Rock on 

 

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Peggy    380
12 hours ago, Patty Lakamp said:

 

(What "other human-being in this equation"? ) I'm lost.  Sorry.

 

I stumbled over "Truth brings light when near." I bet you could express that better.

 

Is this person really "wishing away" the years?  Like wishing they hadn't happened? I kinda want to know what happened.

 

Can you add something to reveal more of what this is about?

 

Patty

 

 

 

Hi Patty,

Thanks for the comments!  I think I can say the truth line better. I stumbled too, a little bit ago when "singing". Evaluating all the issues to see what needs to be done to improve this.   

:)

Peggy

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tomcollins    512

Sing sing and resing.then as noted go down . oooppps didn't see that coming lol

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