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BlazingAce    2

How To Breathe

 

Verse

Feels like I've been drowning,

alone in this great sea

Pushed out for being different,

by ideal society.

It's like calls of raging thunder, 

somehow never ends

People talk,they keep on talking

But I ain't hearing them.

(ohh)

Chorus

They try to tell me how to breathe

With my head beneath the sea

why do they never let me be

can't they see I wanna be free

 

Verse

The smell of the salty waters,

the feeling of flaccid skin.

People I've never met have,

tried hard to cave me in.

My eyes grab hold of the shoreline,

and for once I feel assured.

Then comes a foggy forecast.

to bring to me bruises and sores

(ohhh)

 

Chorus

They try to tell me how to breathe

With my head beneath the sea

why do they never let me be

can't they see i wanna be free

 

This is all I've come up with so far, no bridge to it.

Edited by BlazingAce

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BlazingAce    2

Any kind of critiques for this song would be greatly appreciated.

I found some lyrics in an old songbook and decided to post.

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scotsman89    335

blaze 

not saying it doesn't work - but ?  the verses don't flow    my opinion only

6 hours ago, BlazingAce said:

Feels like I've been drowning,                                                different length lines  make it hard to ( unless you have music )  make it flow.

in a great revealing sea.

Pushed out for being different,

in this society.                                                    

Within the sky, scattered thunderstorms                          this line  a tongue  twister 

that, really never cease to end

Every raindrop tells me something,

But I can't listen to them.

john

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scotsman89    335

Blaze 

asking myself what is it about - someone who is different ?  forced out ? by whom ? why ?   that is what makes this a bit hard nothing to relate to 

14 hours ago, BlazingAce said:

Feels like I've been drowning,                                      what are you drowning in sorrow - pain -  frustration 

in a great revealing sea.                                                what is a revealing sea ?

Pushed out for being different,                                       ok different 

in this society.                                                                what / where / why ?

Within the sky, scattered thunderstorms                         Thunderstorms - people picking on you 

that, really never cease to end                                        all the time 

Every raindrop tells me something,                                  raindrops - tears ? words ?

But I can't listen to them.                                                  they are not saying what you want to hear ?

(ohh)

Chorus

They try to tell me how to breathe                                                how to breath / how to live ?

Dunking my head under the glistening sea.                                 keeping you down ?

Sometimes I wonder why, they chose me                                    chose you - or picked on you ?

Maybe to strengthen me, and let self be free                               to be set free  - to escape - run away 

  none of these lines make sense as there is no story to follow .   give a narrative .    maybe  along these lines   , take it from begining to end 

feels like I've been drowning

all alone in this great sea

cast out for being different

by a narrow minded society

it's like a thunderstorm

that somehow never ends

people keep on talking

but I'm not hearing them

 

they  try  to tell me to how breath

with my head beneath the sea

why do they never let me be

can't they see i want to be free

 

just my opinion

john

 

 

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tunesmithth    1,230
5 hours ago, Jhalon Foster said:

I like the advice you've given me. I'll definitely rewrite in a bit.

 

 Sorry to interject here, but I found your comment more than a little confusing.

From what I can see, you were not the original poster here & no one offered advice "to you".

Is there something I missed...did you accidentally comment on the wrong thread...I'd appreciate a clue? :helpsmilie:

Thanks and welcome to the site!

 

Tom

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BlazingAce    2

Lol, sorry about that.I think my cousin was playing around with the pc trying to pose as me,lol. Sorry about that.

 

 

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tunesmithth    1,230

No biggie!

More than anything, I was trying to be sure you hadn't registered under dual identities. For obvious reasons, we frown on folks doing that.

Thanks!

 

Tom

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