Vara La Fey

I Am Karma (EXPLICIT)

7 posts in this topic

EXPLICIT

 

I need to finish these and unleash 'em on a smurfy little karma-believing world. If anyone remembers industrial metal band Static-X from the turn of the millenium, that's the musical vibe I plan to write. Have at 'em. Tear 'em up.

 

© 2016 Vara La Fey.

 

I AM KARMA


What comes around goes around, so they say
You reap what you sow somehow, some day

 

Pretty words to avoid the problem
Pretty words to avoid the problem

 

Last time you pulled the shit you pulled today
they got all about karma and you got away

Didn'tcha!!

 

They said you're someone else's problem
They said you're someone else's problem
 

And now you're mine
Mine all mine
Ooooh baby

 

  I, I, I
  I am karma
  And I, I, I
  I'm a bitch

 

Yeah the past said you'd get your due somehow
so you darken my door in the here and now

 

All your life you're someone else's problem
All your life you're someone else's problem

 

But your free ride stops at me today
and the future doesn't want you anyway
Nuh uh!!

 

You're not someone else's problem
You're not someone else's problem

 

Because you're mine
Mine all mine
Too much fun

  I, I, I
  I am karma
  And I, I, I
  I'm a bitch

 

Evil
Evil wins
Evil wins when the good....

 

....do nothing

 

Evil wins when the good do nothing
Breeds like roaches when no justice coming
Evil wins when the good do nothing
Breeds like roaches when no justice coming

 

So.... I'll be karma
And.... I'm a bitch

 

  I, I, I
  I am karma
  I, I, I
  I am karma

 

  and I, I, I
  I'm a bitch!!

 

I'm a bitch / I am karma
I'm a bitch / I am karma
I'm a bitch / I am karma
I'm a bitch / I am karma
I'M A BITCH!!

 

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I saw the "Explicit" warning, so I was prepared to be put off by this lyric.  Not so.  It came off to me as a self-satisfying "Gotcha!"  I think we all know people who seem to always get away with bad behavior, so this song would be one we'd sing with glee 'cause they're not getting away with it any more, starting today!

 

I like it, and with the right upbeat lyric, I think it's got an audience.

 

I don't know Static-X, but as long as the music fits the message of the song, it works for me.

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Vara 

just watched static-x .on you tube

don't know how this would work with that energy  they give off .  but if you have music then it maybe Awesome  

 

they say you're someone else's problem

 

but now you're all mine

all mine

all mine    mine     mine   mine

good times

 

john

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Thx for the reviews.  :-)

 

Patty - I'm glad it made sense.

 

I label them as "explicit" because one of the admins here or at the other site I'm on asks that. I have no problems doing that whatsoever. It's the least we can do, as they are providing very fine sites here with no censorship. On the day when I post "Problem With Authority", watch for the explicit warning on that one. Seriously.  :-)   And L.I.A.P.I.T.A. too. OMG!! But anyway, the vast majority of my stuff isn't explicit, and I never write cuss words or any other words merely for the sake of doing it. That would just be a writing failure, cuss words or not.

 

Backstory: Karma is the one that led to me being booted off that Evil Censorship Site I told you about. Their system auto-nannied "I'm a bitch" into "I'm a XXXXX". Most people would read that as "bitch" anyway, so no harm done there. But what about those who wouldn't? "I'm a bitch" is a double-entendre, considering it was written by a t-girl, and will be sung by one. "I'm a <anything else>" is not a double-entendre, and would destroy my hook. So I complained. Blah blah. <Delete>. GRRR!! <Mumble grumble>. Hmmm. <Witchy laugh>. Radio Free World.

 

scotsman89 - I like "good times". I might steal it. Thx!!  Like a lot of us here, I write out the lyrics to match the currently intended basic arrangement. There could be repeats of "mine" like you suggest. I dunno. I won't have the detailed arrangement until I write the bloody thing. But I'm getting into strategic repetition these days, so it's something I'll think about. Thx again.  :-)

 

 

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Hi

I'm not familiar with the style reference. So take my comments in that context.

 

Unless you are twisting a cliche like Jim  Steinman (You took the words right out of my mouth must have been while you were kissing me.) it is better to steer clear of them, because they sound old and tired. 

 

If you look at the opening

"What comes around goes around"

"You reap what you sow"

 

This at the head of the song is a problem I can feel my eyes glaze over and I've lost interest after two lines. 

 

When I look at the structure of the lyric it is very good, except for one spot where I have reservations.

The structure is a very stable verse rhyming couplets AA rhyme scheme, perfect rhymes. Given the instability of the subject matter when this is sung contrasted agains the unstable chorus. The verses should come across as a statement of facts, the chorus as the emotional result of those facts. This acts as additional glue stitching verse and chorus together. 

 

The reservation I have : You have created a highlight in the verse, by setting up an expectation then dashing it. This happens at line six of each verse. We are led to expect two even lines ending in a perfect rhyme. In the third couplet you add a tag line. The fact that it is there is good technique, that it rhymes with nothing is also good, its all about contrast. My issue is Having set up this massive point of emphasis you use it to say "Didn'tcha!!" and "Nuh uh!!" and I feel they are not strong statements, what is needed there is a word that sums up what the verse is saying. Its going to draw heavy attention and you need to be saying something strong there. So technique all fine but what's there in that spot is leaning on it's shovel. 

 

The bridge is fine it adds to the story. It's interesting how you have used a variation to the chorus after it, and I think that works.

 

The extro (outro) is an economical edit of the chorus so that all flows along well.

 

Overall it's OK and shows good technique. The only two issues being cliches and wasting the highlight spot.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

 

 

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Hi snabbu, and thanks for the details.

 

I always skewer cliches except for here, where I was quoting them so I could hopefully destroy the idea behind them. But I see why that's not entirely clear, so thanks for the good catch!! I'd love to have a stronger opening anyway. More sarcastic. And/or more brutal.

 

I have full vox melodies for this, and my little "didn'tcha" is scolding sarcasm. It's gonna be a highlight. But you're right that "nuh uh" is just weak.

 

There's some chance I will have to eliminate both of them, since I think the currently intended musical interludes between the verses and the "....someone else's problem" refrains is creating a pacing issue. I might slam them together without the interludes, and convert "didn'tcha" to "aren'tcha!!", which would then replace "too much fun" (which is another weak spot) after the "mine all mine" bit in the 2nd prechorus. ("Nuh uh" would be gone for good. Yay that.) Then the "....problem" lines would have to go to the backing vox to allow for a slight timing overlap. Well, now I'm just thinking aloud.... Anyway, thanks!!

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When I read the lyric where the weak "nah uh" is  What comes in to my head is not printable. But its to do with sex and travel.

"so f/o"

A more radio friendly solute is "So get lost"  which I think sums up what you are saying in that verse. I like to encapsulate the ducks guts of the verse in two or three words and put that in the highlight spot. To me that then becomes a ancillary progressive hook. 

I would be keeping the high lights and loosing the interludes. 

 

I think heavy dripping sarcasm in the two opening lines would be a good set up.

 

Arn't cha sings better than didn't cha.

 

So all is good just fix the two lines at the head.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

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