Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Summer Days    13

(Chorus)

We can't blame the fire

when it burns this high

burning all our trash

from our own desire/

All of our regrets

and all of our dares

things we won't forget

blame that we both share/

as we sit and wait

for the other to try

we can't blame the fire

when it burns this high/

(V)

Oh we both saw it coming

and neither one even tried/

Yeah I had to turn away

from the tears that you cried/

Now I did not know the rule/

if I leave then I've lied/

now baby it's not true

cause I've nothing to hide/

I couldn't sit there with you

watching tears roll down your face

so I did all that I could do

that was turn and walk away/

(2ND chorus)

With a fire blazing hot

all the blind stand still/

loosing all they've got/

but the bitterness they feel/

who's taking first move

who's making first call/

pulling trash from the fire

taking blame for the fall/

(V)

Oh the fire flames way too high

and the trash is burning still/

as you wipe tears from your eyes

from the coldness that you feel/

And I'm at a loss for words

Don't know what I did wrong/

Cause I never said I'm sorry/

for things to me unknown/

And I know loves a game

That everyone learns to play/

It wouldn't matter had I tried

I would have lost anyway/

(Chorus)

We can't blame the fire

when it burns this high

burning all our trash

from our own desire/

all of our regrets 

and all of our dares

Things we won't forget

blame that we share/

As we sit and wait

for the other to try

We can't blame the fire

when it burns this high/

(Bridge)

(Female singer)

Oh we both saw it coming/

Fire blazing through the weeds/

You drown sorrow in TV

Ignoring all my needs/

(Male singer)

While you screamed an you shout

Didn't say a single word/

how to put this fire out

So complaining is all I heard/

(Chorus)

No you can't blame the fire

when it burns this high

As you sit and wait

for the other to try/

Burning all the trash

as flames get higher/

No you can't put blame

on that burning fire/

No you can't put blame

on that burning fire.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Summer Days    13
Just now, Summer Days said:

(Chorus)

We can't blame the fire

when it burns this high

burning all our trash

from our own desire/

All of our regrets

and all of our dares

things we won't forget

blame that we both share/

as we sit and wait

for the other to try

we can't blame the fire

when it burns this high/

(V)

Oh we both saw it coming

and neither one even tried/

Yeah I had to turn away

from the tears that you cried/

Now I did not know the rule/

if I leave then I've lied/

now baby it's not true

cause I've nothing to hide/

I couldn't sit there with you

watching tears roll down your face

so I did all that I could do

that was turn and walk away/

(2ND chorus)

With a fire blazing hot

all the blind stand still/

loosing all they've got/

but the bitterness they feel/

who's taking first move

who's making first call/

pulling trash from the fire

taking blame for the fall/

(V)

Oh the fire flames way too high

and the trash is burning still/

as you wipe tears from your eyes

from the coldness that you feel/

And I'm at a loss for words

Don't know what I did wrong/

Cause I never said I'm sorry/

for things to me unknown/

And I know loves a game

That everyone learns to play/

It wouldn't matter had I tried

I would have lost anyway/

(Chorus)

We can't blame the fire

when it burns this high

burning all our trash

from our own desire/

all of our regrets 

and all of our dares

Things we won't forget

blame that we share/

As we sit and wait

for the other to try

We can't blame the fire

when it burns this high/

(Bridge)

(Female singer)

Oh we both saw it coming/

Fire blazing through the weeds/

You drown sorrow in TV

Ignoring all my needs/

(Male singer)

While you screamed an you shout

Didn't say a single word/

how to put this fire out

So complaining is all I heard/

(Chorus)

No you can't blame the fire

when it burns this high

As you sit and wait

for the other to try/

Burning all the trash

as flames get higher/

No you can't put blame

on that burning fire/

No you can't put blame

on that burning fire.

 

I probably shouldn't have written with 3 rd party added , but this was done due to the fact the man nor the woman is still accepting blame, the man doesn't even know their having relationship problems, until she's become so emotional. The chorus just didn't seem to go with anything either spouse would say, so I did like a third party coming in on chorus, unsure about that, what you think?

Share this post


Link to post
Timbre    151

Hi, Summer Days.

 

Lots of good fire imagery throughout lyrics. Kept getting stuck on the "trash" lines for some reason. I think those lines kept competing with the way fire is typically used metaphorically in relationship songs--to refer to the physical chemistry. Burning trash kept taking me in another direction. It's not a bad thing to play with the listener's expectations, but if you do the unexpected it has to add in some important way. The "trash" lines didn't do that for me.

 

I was reading "can't put blame on that burning fire" as a possible double meaning, but I wasn't sure which way you were going. Is blame like oil and putting it on the fire makes a fire burn higher, hotter, etc? I thought that was interesting and could be polished up some throughout with a bit more message discipline so that all references to that retain or reinforce the double meaning. Overall the fire metaphor morphed from verse to verse and you might consider what your main fire metaphor is going to be and work your verses and choruses around that. The title of "Flaming Fire" is redundant--doesn't add much lyrically, but perhaps "Can't blame the fire" could work if the idea behind it gets developed more fully.

 

Structurally, your verses and choruses felt a little too long because the rhyme structure changed every 4 lines and the rhyme expectations were only partially met.

21 hours ago, Summer Days said:

Now I did not know the rule/

if I leave then I've lied/

This was a gem, but got lost in your long verse. I'm thinking that you could say a lot more with fewer words, but there is lots of good stuff here to work from. ~T

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Summer Days    13
16 hours ago, Timbre said:

Hi, Summer Days.

 

Lots of good fire imagery throughout lyrics. Kept getting stuck on the "trash" lines for some reason. I think those lines kept competing with the way fire is typically used metaphorically in relationship songs--to refer to the physical chemistry. Burning trash kept taking me in another direction. It's not a bad thing to play with the listener's expectations, but if you do the unexpected it has to add in some important way. The "trash" lines didn't do that for me.

 

I was reading "can't put blame on that burning fire" as a possible double meaning, but I wasn't sure which way you were going. Is blame like oil and putting it on the fire makes a fire burn higher, hotter, etc? I thought that was interesting and could be polished up some throughout with a bit more message discipline so that all references to that retain or reinforce the double meaning. Overall the fire metaphor morphed from verse to verse and you might consider what your main fire metaphor is going to be and work your verses and choruses around that. The title of "Flaming Fire" is redundant--doesn't add much lyrically, but perhaps "Can't blame the fire" could work if the idea behind it gets developed more fully.

 

Structurally, your verses and choruses felt a little too long because the rhyme structure changed every 4 lines and the rhyme expectations were only partially met.

This was a gem, but got lost in your long verse. I'm thinking that you could say a lot more with fewer words, but there is lots of good stuff here to work from. ~T

 

I need to learn to write in bars. Could you help me with writing in bars? I've tried studying up on it, but where I know nothing about music, it makes it difficult for someone, who writes lyrics only, yet it's very important to learn if we as lyric writers truly wish to go farther. Thanks for looking over my lyrics.

Share this post


Link to post
Timbre    151

Not exactly sure what you mean by "writing in bars", but let me throw out some ideas about where you might start in terms of bringing more intentional structure to your lyric writing. First and foremost, I think you have the right idea about studying up on this. There are untold resources available on song structure. There are some really helpful tutorial articles right here on SS that can help you learn the basics of lyric structure so you can more effectively edit your own work. 

 

Other types of material to study are other peoples lyrics--including lyrics of songs by your favorite artists as well as lyrics in-progress on the site. Try to identify what makes a verse or chorus feel complete and like it has communicated a complete idea, and what makes a verse or chorus feel like its scattered and the main idea is hard to capture. There's a lot of trial and error in this, but doing a lot of reading/listening (and critiquing) can help you develop a stronger eye/ear for structure. I also believe reading and studying poetry can teach you a lot about conveying meaning in a concise way

 

You mentioned that you don't know anything about music. I'm assuming you mean that you are not a musician or perhaps don't read music. Many lyricists are non-musicians but I believe that ALL lyricists need to be musical in important ways, both technically and artistically. More technically speaking, it would be useful for you to learn some basic music theory because so much of the discussion of lyric writing includes music concepts as kind of a shorthand that folks who know a bit of theory will understand. You don't have to be a virtuoso, and you likely know more about music than you think, but you want to get some grounding in this area so that you can fully participate in the process and make the most of the feedback that you get. On the artistic side, think about what makes a person musical separate from playing an instrument, singing, or reading music--think about sense of timing, rhythm, love of words and how to put them together to make folks want to sing them, etc. There are lots of ways to be musical, so if you are drawn to lyric writing you are musical--you just need to do some self-study about what form(s) your musicality takes.

 

Hope there's something here that's useful :) 

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×