scotsman89

I remember you

13 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

J Morrison   (C )  2015       you know sometimes you find something it felt ok first time round now you see something different to say ? well this is one of those the first post is still here maybe 

changed chr and added brg

 

 

sitting in the kitchen the radio's on
the DJ's playing our old love song
smiling through the years I sing along
I  remember you

 

can't believe ten years have past
who knew  time moved so damn fast
or how come fist love never lasts
I remember you

 

I remember your kiss
I remember that night
the first very  time
but it felt so  right
I remember you


well it all  came to a sudden end
you cheated  with my  best friend
didn't care if  i ever saw you again
I remember  you

 

time went passed the pain healed

you know I can't help the way I feel

the love I felt then it's still so  real

 

I remember you
I remember your kiss
I remember that night
the very first time
but it felt so right

I remember you

 

brg

think  to myself every now and then

if it could ever be the same  again

if we meet somewhere or when

will you remember me

like I remember you

 

I remember your kiss 
I remember that night
the very first time
but it felt so right
and I remember you


do you think of me too

'cause I remember you
    

 

 

 

Edited by scotsman89
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... the most important thing 

 

... about "a heart-wrenching lyric with which 'the entire world can identify" ...

 

... is, "at present, unfortunately for you ..."

 

... not "the Rhyme."

 

Keep workin' it ...

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I like the first verse!  Makes me want to listen to the song.

 

love the repetition of "I remember you," and your writing is skillful enough that somehow those same 3 words take on a new meaning each time.  Impressive.

 

"We went a lot further on than just holding tight."  That line isn't up to the quality of the rest of the lyrics. Maybe (maybe) you could just eliminate it?  "I remember that night" is so much more suggestive and evocative.

 

I don't think the Bridge adds anything.

 

Love the last two lines.

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Mike 

thanks I think  > only joking 

 

 

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Patty 

thanks  for read changed some things got rid of brg . shortened the ch

 

John

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Hi John,

 

Just a thought on 
"both of us crying"

Not sure why both are crying. Is it maybe a happy cry? Sorry if missing something. :)

Peggy

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Hey, Scotsman, I hope you took my comments "rightly!" :ph34r:

 

I just think that this lyric cries for more story.  Tell us more about what happened.  Then, instead of just leaving our storyteller in a passive state of "just remembering," might we at least suggest some kind of decision that he might be about to make, that might then lead to future action?  That would be a lot more compelling than someone who – so far – is just "staring into his beer, before ordering yet another one."  How might we give our storyteller ... a story?

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Peggy 

thanks for the read 

 I remember that night  ?    first time  fun .

both cried / maybe one happy boy one sad girl - but hope both happy    LOL

 

 

john

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Mike

been a while since I worked at Bletchley Park , so my decoding skills a bit rusty LOL

 

now you have made it easy by decoding it for me . thanks critique noted and being worked on  . LOL

 

john

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Scotsman,
 
I like the changes in the Chorus. I also agree with Peggy--I'm not sure why they're both crying. If you could substitute a different word (not as trite as "happy," but that idea), then your 4th line could be: "It felt so right."  Stronger than "But it felt so right."  Maybe "Both of us together. It felt so right"   Something like that.
 
 
I remember your kiss
I remember that night
both of us crying
but it felt so  right
I remember you

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Patty

thanks for taking time to re-read and comment

 

john

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Posted (edited)

Hi John,

Like the change. Not thinking that this was a heart-wrenching spill out.  But instead, just a look back, that triggers side emotions. Kinda think most everyone does the replay thing now and again,  and thought you nailed that.  Nice going. Just my after thoughts. :)

Peggy

Edited by Peggy

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John,

 

Your changes made a big difference.  I like the chorus, and now the bridge makes more sense to me. This song has a lingering, haunting quality that is appealing.

 

Patty

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