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Highs and Lows

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snabbu    437

Hi all

This is just a simple pop song.

It is something I more or less played into the tape machine then tricked it up a bit lyrically. 

It was written in ten minutes there was about an hour and a half of editing after that. 

Any comments much appreciated.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

Highs and Lows

© 2017 Gary Yeomans

 

 

Verse 1

how can you know what its like to be up

If you have never been down

Contrast is all it is

 

Verse 2

How can you know what its like to be right

If you have never been wrong 

Contradiction is all it is

 

Chorus

Highs and lows

Highs and lows

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

Thats the way life goes

Highs and Lows

Highs and lows

 

Bridge

Buying in to the Facebook life

When deep inside you know its unreal 

Impossibly happy and successful all the time

All the time

 

Chorus

Highs and lows

Highs and lows

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

Thats the way life goes

Highs and Lows

Highs and low

 

Verse 3

How can you know what its like to be loved

If you have never been alone

Counterpoint is all it is

 

Chorus

Highs and lows

Highs and lows

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

Thats the way life goes

Highs and Lows

Highs and lows

 

 

 

Edited by snabbu
Removed a chorus at the end
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Philjo    30

This reads well to me. The Facebook observation rang true. Unless other people really have got interesting lives and i should think about getting one!

I wondered if you could cut one of the opening 'highs and lows' in the chorus and change the last but one chorus line to 'ebbs and flows' or something for a bit of variety. Maybe that's just my take on it.

Phil.

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snabbu    437
14 hours ago, Philjo said:

This reads well to me. The Facebook observation rang true. Unless other people really have got interesting lives and i should think about getting one!

I wondered if you could cut one of the opening 'highs and lows' in the chorus and change the last but one chorus line to 'ebbs and flows' or something for a bit of variety. Maybe that's just my take on it.

Phil.

Hi Phil 

 

Thank you for having a look at this.

 

I can see that on the page it looks lacking in variety. But this is a thing a song is made up of lyrics melody arrangement and production.

So if you have a very repetitive lyric then it forces the other components of the song to supply interest. It gives a place for production hooks vocal performance hooks etc.

This is a thing with lyric writing looking at it as if that is a complete thing and that it must contain everything to make the song work. And it's a common mistake over egging the lyric. Its a bit like doing an arrangement. I write a bass line to my drum track but later when I put in the piano guitar and strings I have to remove half the bass and simplify it because I've tried to do the whole groove with one instrument and it ends up too busy.

 

I have attached my work tape, which is mostly just piano and a vocal arrangement. This is about the writing, and where the various types of hooks can go. Like delay, what the harmonies will be etc. and how the words sit in the song. It is as always with my work tapes too slow at 80 BPM and needs to go up I think about 5 bpm.

Anyway have a listen and see if you can see what I mean and if you still think the lyric needs some variation.

 

As it is it's a straight Lennon McCartney structure V V CH BR CH V CH except there is no extro as it is already over 4 minutes but the speed increase will get it under 4 minutes.

 

Anyway have a listen I will be interested to see what you think.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

 

Highs and lows.mp3

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Philjo    30

I liked that. At first i thought it was going to have a gentler sound when i heard the piano at the start. I see what you mean about the last two lines of the chorus. They have that effect on them. I wasn't sure about the third line in the bridge and the word 'successful' in particular. Don't know if it sounds right or not. Thought maybe 'where people are happy and prosperous all the time'. Don't know if that's more singable.

Phil.

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Peggy    380

Hi Gary,

Of course I'm listening to this without the influence of others and on my phone. Really going with you then Facebook. I surely understand but dang, i liked where you where almost ethereal until then.  Facebook mention seems below the rest.  Cool hearing your voice in it's fullest. As always, I love the piano.

:)

Peggy

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Ray888    159

Hi Gary, First of all I really like your voice.

I think the song has a lot of potential but feel that it has it's weak points.

I have made some suggestions concerning what I would do with it.

 

Highs and Lows

© 2017 Gary Yeomans

 

Verse 1

how can you know what its like to be up

If you have never ever been down (Try this with "Never ever" sung as one word") Just feels like the line needs more movement.

Contrast is all it is

 

Verse 2

How can you know what its like to be right

If you have never ever been wrong 

Contradiction is all it is

  

Chorus

Highs and lows

"Dreams and woes"  it feels like it's crying out for something here to break up the hook.

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

That's the way life goes

Highs and Lows (I would look to do something else with this line because it sounds like a red indian doing a rain dance lol) :D

Highs and lows

 

Bridge (for me I think that the whole bridge needs to be looked at)

Buying in to the Facebook life

When deep inside you know its unreal 

Impossibly happy and successful all the time

All the time

 

Verse 3

How can you know what its like to be loved

If you have never ever been alone

Counterpoint is all it is

 

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Ray888    159

Afterthought for chorus

 

Chorus

Highs and lows

Dreams and woes" 

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

That's the way life goes

You and I, you and I, you and I, go through

Highs and lows

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snabbu    437
On 7/4/2017 at 6:18 AM, Philjo said:

I liked that. At first i thought it was going to have a gentler sound when i heard the piano at the start. I see what you mean about the last two lines of the chorus. They have that effect on them. I wasn't sure about the third line in the bridge and the word 'successful' in particular. Don't know if it sounds right or not. Thought maybe 'where people are happy and prosperous all the time'. Don't know if that's more singable.

Phil.

 

Hey Phil

I am not sure if that is a word thing on successful or a note issue. Prosperous is harder too sing. If the vocal melody went down on the last syllable instead of going up it might fix that because the rising pitch is making it sound like a question. So I will fiddle with the melody there and see what happens.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

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snabbu    437
18 hours ago, Peggy said:

Hi Gary,

Of course I'm listening to this without the influence of others and on my phone. Really going with you then Facebook. I surely understand but dang, i liked where you where almost ethereal until then.  Facebook mention seems below the rest.  Cool hearing your voice in it's fullest. As always, I love the piano.

:)

Peggy

Hi Peggy 

Thanks for the comments. The front half of the song is all about Facebook you just don't know it till the bridge, which is a reveal style. It came out of the discovery that Facebook tailors your news feeds to what you actually like, and you are surrounded by "friends" in the face book space. This was the right wrong verse. And of course even I am impossibly successful on Facebook, none of my veggies have marks on them, and the driver always turns up on time on my Indian tour. I'm always up, so that is verse one.

The third verse after the Facebook thing is just general although we are never alone with our smart phone.

 

Cheers

 

Gary 

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snabbu    437
17 hours ago, Ray888 said:

Hi Gary, First of all I really like your voice.

I think the song has a lot of potential but feel that it has it's weak points.

I have made some suggestions concerning what I would do with it.

 

Highs and Lows

© 2017 Gary Yeomans

 

Verse 1

how can you know what its like to be up

If you have never ever been down (Try this with "Never ever" sung as one word") Just feels like the line needs more movement.

Contrast is all it is

 

Verse 2

How can you know what its like to be right

If you have never ever been wrong 

Contradiction is all it is

  

Chorus

Highs and lows

"Dreams and woes"  it feels like it's crying out for something here to break up the hook.

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

That's the way life goes

Highs and Lows (I would look to do something else with this line because it sounds like a red indian doing a rain dance lol) :D

Highs and lows

 

Bridge (for me I think that the whole bridge needs to be looked at)

Buying in to the Facebook life

When deep inside you know its unreal 

Impossibly happy and successful all the time

All the time

 

Verse 3

How can you know what its like to be loved

If you have never ever been alone

Counterpoint is all it is

 

Hi Ray

Thanks for having a look and commenting.

I like the idea of never ever cause its a double rhyme and its more emphatic so I will try that and see how it sounds.

I hate "dreams and woes" Woes is poet speak. 

I agree with the rain dance thing I am thinking along the lines of a rising staccato 8th or 16th note gabble ending in highs and lows probable similar to what

your getting at in your second thoughts on that part. Which you posted separately.

I am not fussed about the hook being repeated three times at the beginning of the chorus it sounds OK to me. If there was something strong to put in there that rhymed

I would consider it. But I haven't thought of anything yet.

 

Cheeers

 

Gary

 

 

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Ray888    159
8 hours ago, snabbu said:

Hi Ray

Thanks for having a look and commenting.

I like the idea of never ever cause its a double rhyme and its more emphatic so I will try that and see how it sounds.

I hate "dreams and woes" Woes is poet speak. 

I agree with the rain dance thing I am thinking along the lines of a rising staccato 8th or 16th note gabble ending in highs and lows probable similar to what

your getting at in your second thoughts on that part. Which you posted separately.

I am not fussed about the hook being repeated three times at the beginning of the chorus it sounds OK to me. If there was something strong to put in there that rhymed

I would consider it. But I haven't thought of anything yet.

 

Cheeers

 

Gary

 

 

 

Hey Gary, whats wrong with poetry included in a song? Some of the greatest songwriters alive have poetic content in their songs. Dylan, Jackson Brown, just to name a couple.

 

How about,,,,,,,,,,,

 

 

Chorus

Highs and lows

"Kisses and blows"  ( adding a syllable)

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

That's the way life goes

We survive, we survive, we survive......................

Highs and lows

Edited by Ray888

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Fabulous voice, Snabbu--so much character in it (ha..I can pick up your accent in it--Australian?).

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snabbu    437
10 hours ago, Ray888 said:

 

Hey Gary, whats wrong with poetry included in a song? Some of the greatest songwriters alive have poetic content in their songs. Dylan, Jackson Brown, just to name a couple.

 

How about,,,,,,,,,,,

 

 

Chorus

Highs and lows

"Kisses and blows"  ( adding a syllable)

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

That's the way life goes

We survive, we survive, we survive......................

Highs and lows

It is an issue of genre Ray.

If I was writing a folk rock song then that's OK but I'm not I'm writing a straight pop song so poet speak is definitely not OK.

The function of a chorus is to summarise what is being said in the verses or to answer questions posed in the verses.

So kisses and blows is off topic and we survive doesn't fit the scansion the line has to be focussed and a lot longer and more staccato than that.

I did some edits yesterday and I think they are OK I will put up an edited version this morning.

I am half way through doing a second edit version with a couple of small melody edits and two chord changes in the bridge.

I have also sped it up to 90 BPM so I will see how my word edits sit but I think they will work.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

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snabbu    437
6 hours ago, Pahchisme Plaid said:

Fabulous voice, Snabbu--so much character in it (ha..I can pick up your accent in it--Australian?).

Thanks for having a listen and the nice comments, yes that is the accent. 

Cheers

 

Gary

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snabbu    437

Hi all

This is an updated version of the lyric.

I have varied the second line of the chorus as per Phil and Rays suggestions. I wasn't really fussed about the straight repeats I don't really think it's any better or worse with the alternate line but there was a concerted opinion for variation so I just went with the flow. It was interesting that all the suggestions for alternatives rhymed with "Low" which wasn't necessary as there are so many rhymes in the chorus as it is. I put in the "ever"  after never because I sang it and I thought it sounded good. I changed two chords in the bridge and one note to get rid of that questioning tone on the word successful and that seems to sit better prosody wise. I altered the second last line of the chorus to get rid of the red indian chant. I did a quick sing of the new parts and it feels right at 90 bpm. The only concern there was the second last line of the chorus which has a line length of six, but it all works with a bar to spare before the last line. I feel it's almost ready to go. The lasted lyric appears below.

 

Cheers

 

Gary 

 

 

Highs and Lows

© 2017 Gary Yeomans

Verse 1

how can you know what its like to be up

If you have never ever been down

Contrast is all it is

 

Verse 2

How can you know what its like to be right

If you have never ever been wrong 

Contradiction is what that is

 

Chorus

Highs and lows

Up and Down

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

Thats the way life goes

Not gonna harm you to let it flow after all it’s only high or low 

Highs and lows

 

Bridge

Buying in to the Facebook life

When deep inside you know its unreal 

Impossibly happy and successful all the time

All the time

 

Chorus

Highs and lows

Up and Down 

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

Thats the way life goes

Not gonna harm you to let it flow after all it’s only high or low 

Highs and lows

 

Verse 3

How can you know what its like to be loved

If you have never ever been alone

Counterpoint is all it is

 

Chorus

Highs and lows

Up and down

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

Thats the way life goes

Not gonna harm you to let it flow after all it’s only high or low 

Highs and lows

 

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Ray888    159
16 minutes ago, snabbu said:

It is an issue of genre Ray.

If I was writing a folk rock song then that's OK but I'm not I'm writing a straight pop song so poet speak is definitely not OK.

The function of a chorus is to summarise what is being said in the verses or to answer questions posed in the verses.

So kisses and blows is off topic and we survive doesn't fit the scansion the line has to be focussed and a lot longer and more staccato than that.

I did some edits yesterday and I think they are OK I will put up an edited version this morning.

I am half way through doing a second edit version with a couple of small melody edits and two chord changes in the bridge.

I have also sped it up to 90 BPM so I will see how my word edits sit but I think they will work.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

 

I think that if you are firm in wanting to go down the facebook idea you would be correct but I was introducing a different way that you could choose to take the song in. "Kisses and blows" would support "Highs and lows" in the context of relationships because the kisses are the highs and the blows are the lows. I am far from new to lyric crafting and all my instincts are screaming out that you need something different in your second line of the chorus. 

 

I can only make suggestions for you to ponder over but if nothing fits I'm sure you will find what fits your vision for it although my personal view is that you could find a stronger theme than the Facebook one that you are currently pursuing. Good luck with it and I'd love to hear it when the song is complete. You have a great voice.

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Ray888    159
4 minutes ago, snabbu said:

Hi all

This is an updated version of the lyric.

I have varied the second line of the chorus as per Phil and Rays suggestions. I wasn't really fussed about the straight repeats I don't really think it's any better or worse with the alternate line but there was a concerted opinion for variation so I just went with the flow. It was interesting that all the suggestions for alternatives rhymed with "Low" which wasn't necessary as there are so many rhymes in the chorus as it is. I put in the "ever"  after never because I sang it and I thought it sounded good. I changed two chords in the bridge and one note to get rid of that questioning tone on the word successful and that seems to sit better prosody wise. I altered the second last line of the chorus to get rid of the red indian chant. I did a quick sing of the new parts and it feels right at 90 bpm. The only concern there was the second last line of the chorus which has a line length of six, but it all works with a bar to spare before the last line. I feel it's almost ready to go. The lasted lyric appears below.

 

Cheers

 

Gary 

 

 

Highs and Lows

© 2017 Gary Yeomans

Verse 1

how can you know what its like to be up

If you have never ever been down

Contrast is all it is

 

Verse 2

How can you know what its like to be right

If you have never ever been wrong 

Contradiction is what that is

 

Chorus

Highs and lows

Up and Down

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

Thats the way life goes

Not gonna harm you to let it flow after all it’s only high or low 

Highs and lows

 

Bridge

Buying in to the Facebook life

When deep inside you know its unreal 

Impossibly happy and successful all the time

All the time

 

Chorus

Highs and lows

Up and Down 

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

Thats the way life goes

Not gonna harm you to let it flow after all it’s only high or low 

Highs and lows

 

Verse 3

How can you know what its like to be loved

If you have never ever been alone

Counterpoint is all it is

 

Chorus

Highs and lows

Up and down

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

Thats the way life goes

Not gonna harm you to let it flow after all it’s only high or low 

Highs and lows

 

 

Hi Gary, well at least you heard my suggestion of adding the Ever after never. Definitely works for me.

 

I think that "Up and down" in the second line of the chorus is too close to saying the same thing as "Highs and lows".

 

If you want to be a little more inventive I would suggest that you consider utilising a word like "YoYO's which go up and down.

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HoboSage    1,932

I'm still going to complain about  the two "highs and lows" you have in the first part of the chorus before the final one, not because you repeat the hook, but because they are separated by the second line.  I also have nit with that second line, because unlike every other line in the chorus, it does not end in a word that rhymes with "lows," which I think, more likely than not, won't sound good not rhyming.  FWIW, I suggest you open the chorus with something like:

 

highs and lows

highs and lows

ebbs and flows

you know we've had some of those

 

Using ebbs and flows there will connect with the summary in the next-to-last line referencing flow and high and low - though I think using "go with the flow" somehow in that next-to-last line would seem like a more natural thing to say. - and give another internal rhyme with "go."  In fact,  "so, go with the flow,"  would give you yet another rhyme.  Load 'em up! :)

 

Just my opinion.

Edited by HoboSage

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MikeRobinson    146

"Me's a'thinkin', quite frankly," that this lyric so-far is ... two-thirds of the way to where it needs to be.

 

"Yin / Yang ... True / False ... Yes / No ... She Loves Me / She Loves Me Not ..."  Yeah, I get it.  But, no amount of "clever rhyming couplets" are really going to take you to where this song really needs to be. :)

 

I think that we need – perhaps in a nice bridge – a thirdcontrasting statement which is a reflection on both of the other two.  Without invalidating or in any way belittling the point-of-view expressed by either "salt" or "pepper," this third-element will introduce, say, "a little bit of nutmeg!" :ph34r:

 

By doing so, this third element now provides both "salt" and "pepper" something else to contrast with ... a "third something" that is unrelated to the other two.  This "third something" might be a commentary, or it might "point to a way forward or a way out."  This piece will in fact be the most important part of the entire song, because the entirety of the "ying/yang" will ultimately be perceived only as context ... as a "set-up" for whatever this "middle eight" has to deliver.

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Ray888    159
3 minutes ago, MikeRobinson said:

"Me's a'thinkin', quite frankly," that this lyric so-far is ... two-thirds of the way to where it needs to be.

 

"Yin / Yang ... True / False ... Yes / No ... She Loves Me / She Loves Me Not ..."  Yeah, I get it.  But, no amount of "clever rhyming couplets" are really going to take you to where this song really needs to be. :)

 

I think that we need – perhaps in a nice bridge – a thirdcontrasting statement which is a reflection on both of the other two.  Without invalidating or in any way belittling the point-of-view expressed by either "salt" or "pepper," this third-element will introduce, say, "a little bit of nutmeg!" :ph34r:

 

By doing so, this third element now provides both "salt" and "pepper" something else to contrast with ... a "third something" that is unrelated to the other two.  This "third something" might be a commentary, or it might "point to a way forward or a way out."  This piece will in fact be the most important part of the entire song, because the entirety of the "ying/yang" will ultimately be perceived only as context ... as a "set-up" for whatever this "middle eight" has to deliver.

 

Sounds like a song for people who are Bi Polar Mike :blink:

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snabbu    437
7 hours ago, HoboSage said:

I'm still going to complain about  the two "highs and lows" you have in the first part of the chorus before the final one, not because you repeat the hook, but because they are separated by the second line.  I also have nit with that second line, because unlike every other line in the chorus, it does not end in a word that rhymes with "lows," which I think, more likely than not, won't sound good not rhyming.  FWIW, I suggest you open the chorus with something like:

 

highs and lows

highs and lows

ebbs and flows

you know we've had some of those

 

Using ebbs and flows there will connect with the summary in the next-to-last line referencing flow and high and low - though I think using "go with the flow" somehow in that next-to-last line would seem like a more natural thing to say. - and give another internal rhyme with "go."  In fact,  "so, go with the flow,"  would give you yet another rhyme.  Load 'em up! :)

 

Just my opinion.

Hi Dave

Thanks for the look and comment.

Before I give up and put in ebbs and flows, have a listen to how it sings I still have to do a couple of melody edits before I record it but you can get the idea.

Also do you think now at 90 bpm it's the right speed. Attached is MP3 of write tape #2

 

Cheers

 

Gary

Highs and lows V2.mp3

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snabbu    437
7 hours ago, Ray888 said:

 

 

 

I think that "Up and down" in the second line of the chorus is too close to saying the same thing as "Highs and lows".

 

<<snip>>

Hi Ray

Yes exactly, and that is the point in the chorus, you say one thing only, that is the general idea of a chorus. Story telling goes in the verse.

Which in turn has to support the chorus.So if it has to rhyme it will be "ebbs and flows" 

 

Cheers

 

Gary

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snabbu    437
5 hours ago, MikeRobinson said:

"Me's a'thinkin', quite frankly," that this lyric so-far is ... two-thirds of the way to where it needs to be.

 

"Yin / Yang ... True / False ... Yes / No ... She Loves Me / She Loves Me Not ..."  Yeah, I get it.  But, no amount of "clever rhyming couplets" are really going to take you to where this song really needs to be. :)

 

I think that we need – perhaps in a nice bridge – a thirdcontrasting statement which is a reflection on both of the other two.  Without invalidating or in any way belittling the point-of-view expressed by either "salt" or "pepper," this third-element will introduce, say, "a little bit of nutmeg!" :ph34r:

 

By doing so, this third element now provides both "salt" and "pepper" something else to contrast with ... a "third something" that is unrelated to the other two.  This "third something" might be a commentary, or it might "point to a way forward or a way out."  This piece will in fact be the most important part of the entire song, because the entirety of the "ying/yang" will ultimately be perceived only as context ... as a "set-up" for whatever this "middle eight" has to deliver.

Hi Mike

I have no idea what you are saying.  The song has a bridge its a reveal style bridge. The song is not about opposites. Its about not getting bent out of shape about being down or failing occasionally. It's life suck it up.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

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Ray888    159
2 hours ago, snabbu said:

Hi Ray

Yes exactly, and that is the point in the chorus, you say one thing only, that is the general idea of a chorus. Story telling goes in the verse.

Which in turn has to support the chorus.So if it has to rhyme it will be "ebbs and flows" 

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

Yes, Ebbs and flows is definitely better than Ups and downs but I still believe that there is something better on the horizon. Just need a good pair of binoculars to find it lol.

 

When I suggested that you add the "ever" after "never" I was hearing it as one word "neverever" without a gap. Try it because it sounds great in my head.

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HoboSage    1,932

I think it sings well.  I would still prefer "ebbs and flows" for the rhyme, but given the melody and the way it's sung, not having the rhyme with "up and down" isn't as conspicuous an omission as I thought it might be.  But, if that's what you stick with, I think to better match the plurals of "highs and lows," you should use the plurals of "ups and downs," and not the singulars "up and down."

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snabbu    437
14 hours ago, Ray888 said:

 

Yes, Ebbs and flows is definitely better than Ups and downs but I still believe that there is something better on the horizon. Just need a good pair of binoculars to find it lol.

 

When I suggested that you add the "ever" after "never" I was hearing it as one word "neverever" without a gap. Try it because it sounds great in my head.

You know Ray I am wondering if I went with ebbs and flows but added a word . To give weight to the statement because Just ebbs and flows is not quite right and sounds like it's there to rhyme. Making nouns out of adjectives, So I am wondering about.

Highs and lows

Life ebbs and flows

Highs and lows 

You know we've all had some of  those.

I noted Davids suggestion was that the third line be altered to make the fourth line make perfect sense then I couldn't use life in there because in 

Davids suggested structure ebbs and flows become nouns. 

 

However I've just thought of this.

"Highs and lows

Highs and lows

Lifes ebbs and flows

We've all had some of those

That's the way life goes"

 

 

Is the one word phrasing your hearing like that way I did it in the last verse which happened because of the extra syllable in the last word.

"Never ever alone" Cause I could hear it there as one word but not in the other verses with a single syllable last word.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

 

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Ray888    159

I like this..........and think that this section is getting good.

 

Highs and lows

Life ebbs and flows

Highs and lows 

You know we've all had some of  those

That's the way life rolls 

 

By changing `goes` to `rolls` it will reinforce `ebbs and flows` like the tides waves roll. 

 

Never ever alone was closer but try it with no gap whatsoever because that's what I am hearing.

Edited by Ray888

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snabbu    437
18 minutes ago, Ray888 said:

I like this..........and think that this section is getting good.

 

Highs and lows

Life ebbs and flows

Highs and lows 

You know we've all had some of  those

That's the way life rolls 

 

By changing `goes` to `rolls` it will reinforce `ebbs and flows` like the tides waves roll. 

I think that that is probably the right solution.

It's the kind of detail that kind of polishes a song and I have never found an easier way to get there than going over and over it. 

It's like is every word doing something positive? The adding of life supports ebbs and flows and rolls does too so it now sits in there

quite nicely. The only thing that's missing is the "go with the flow" image David suggested for that second last line.

"Not gonna harm you to let it flow after all it’s only high or low" is what I have now.

This is maybe not quite there.

I feel there needs to be a synonym for" harm" that reinforces the tide flow type thing we have going on here. and in addition it should be 

"Not gonna harm you to go with the flow after all it’s only high or low "  Now it's just if harm could relate stronger it would be better.

"Not gonna sink you to go with the flow" 

"Not gonna drown you" Rhyme zone is no help I did synonym for "Harm" filtered for Verbs and related to water I'm not sure the filters work because nothing related came up

"Your not gonna drown if you go with the flow  after all it's only high or low" seems to me to be it for that line.

That makes it.

 

"Highs and lows

Life ebbs and flows

Highs and lows

You know we’ve all had some of those

Thats the way life rolls

Not gonna drown if you go with the flow  after all it's only highs and lows 

Highs and lows"

 

Let me know about the never ever thing in verse three 

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

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snabbu    437

 

Hey Ray

I think both Peggy and you  did not dig the Facebook reference. I think because it's blatant and exclusive. It's not general enough

any peer pressure should be included. Like bullying or any social exclusion it can be face book twitter or real life socialising I guess and 

the listener should be able to imprint their own circumstances on it.

 

I decided to use colour as the theme for the bridge mainly because I came up with this image to represent social media heave you ever tried to sing media? Not happening.

"The colour scheme of the social scene" and i liked the internal and it sings well.

so I did a laundry list of words related like 

blue grey golden  bright radiant etc. etc

and I came up with this.

 

Bridge:

"The colour scheme of the social scene

Has painted your emotions grey

No one can be radiant and brilliant all the time 

All the time

 

Which I think is OK

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

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snabbu    437
On 7/4/2017 at 4:19 PM, Peggy said:

Hi Gary,

Of course I'm listening to this without the influence of others and on my phone. Really going with you then Facebook. I surely understand but dang, i liked where you where almost ethereal until then.  Facebook mention seems below the rest.  Cool hearing your voice in it's fullest. As always, I love the piano.

:)

Peggy

OK Peggy

You win I rewrote the bridge :D actually I think it's better its now universal not specific like face book.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

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