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Sunni Meringue

New Hip-hop track looking for feedback

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I finally finished writing and producing my first solo track. This song is about the societal pressures that both men and women face when it comes to love. Men pressured to get with as many women as possible and women avoiding promiscuity for the fear of being slut shamed and the dichotomy of both of those working against each other. Let me know what you think good, bad, or indifferent. 

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Ray888    159

Just to let you know that the rules here are that you critique 2 or 3 others before you post something yourself for critique.

I suggest that you read them so that you won't be viewed as a spammer. People on Songstuff don't generally give a critique if you haven't followed the rules.

 

I also suggest that you introduce yourself on the appropriate page so that members can welcome you.

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Definitely I was scrolling through some music right now and I will drop a line in the introduction. Good looking out!

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HoboSage    1,932

Heya, Will.  Welcome to my nightmare Songstuff. :)

 

I think this is cool, and overall, pretty damn good.  Kudos.  Love what you do and the way you arranged and mixed the music bed, and your rapping is sweet.  As I was listening, I was curious to hear what was coming after the second chorus, and if would keep my interest, because I was ready at that point to hear something different.  You didn't disappoint.  Bringing in the synths, with one doing a sweet lead line, provided a very creatively-cool instrumental verse-bridge for this tune.

 

My only criticism is with the arrangement and mix of the chorus vocals - the one's you sing.  It sounds like you have three chorus vocal tracks - center, left and right.  You have them all in unison singing the same notes, but they're not all in tight sync - the spread tracks drop out during "romantic" and don't finish up with "man,"  leaving just the centered vocal to sing that, and it sings it weakly - conspicuously trailing off in volume.  All three vocal tracks also conspicuously sing "chances" not in tight sync and weakly with a loss of volume.  The three vocals also abruptly cut off immediately after the up/down melisma wavering of the the second "long."  It's a very conspicuous abrupt cut-off, and I think it would sound better if they didn't stop singing "long" so abruptly.  To that end, you could duplicate the chorus vocal tracks to allow for a wee bit of overlap for the sake of a smoother continuity between the first and second go-rounds of each chorus.  Finally, I think this would go up another rung on the ladder of cool creativity if you did more with the the arrangement of the three chorus vocals; in a word - harmony.  I'm not saying you should have three-part harmony all the way through the chorus - the unison singing sounds cool too.  But how extra-cool would the chorus sound this way - regular font = unison, italics = three-part harmony: "tell me girl do you believe in second chances . . . never ever was I deemed a romantic man . . .But I can't stay too long . . . I can't stay too long."  Hearing those open vowels held in three-part hramony with "romantic man,"  and then hearing the harmonies again during the up/down melisma with the last "long" would sound awesome.

 

Anyway, that's what I got, and they're just my own opinions.

 

Good Stuff!

 

David

 

 

 

Edited by HoboSage

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Wow, what a review! Thank you for so much for the detailed critique and very sound advice. I'm fairly new to singing as well as producing/mixing so this info is very valuable to me. I kinda knew the chorus needed some help I just wasn't sure exactly what especially after listening to it for so long it kinda became what it was. But having some fresh ears on it has definitely given me a new perspective. Thank you again for taking the time out to listen and give such a good critique I'll take it back in and work out some of those kinks. 

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HoboSage    1,932

P.S.  I don't think Spades is the best title for this.  Just my opinion.  By any objective measure, this should really be entitled Second Chances.  But, that's not original enough.  You might want to think about tweaking the lyric and making it Seventh Chances though.  I think that would be pretty original and pretty cool. :)  Just an idea.

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great track! it's refreshing to hear a different style that stands out like this. i like beat lyrics and flow. keep it up

alo

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GuesSs    3

I like the subject matter it's a breath of fresh air from what most rap is these days. So yeah i think the lyrics are great and I like the chorus. Nothing really to critique for me it's great espescailly since its your first solo track

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