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Dallon426    26

 

 

 

 

In the drop of the ocean

I felt you come and go

In the midnight garden

I heard their voices glow

Don't you miss me sister

don't you miss the gleaming snow

 

I beg your pardon

we just got started

and she walked away

 

With the roll of a dice

I witness you come alive

courting blinking eyes

I caught you puzzle life

brand new babies cry

I was reborn a new

 

I shouldn't show

I couldn't know it

And I held his face

 

In the second act

I fought my forces black

and a sharpened axe

I chopped the egos laugh

was a torn up telegraph 

that landed on my lap

 

It was emotion

that sold my notion

and I meditate

 

 

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zzeb    23

Beautiful song and arrangement. I have to read through this lyric more once to get a grip of it.

What I don't like is that the synth sounds is too much out of sync.

Do you use a click or beat when you record?

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Dallon426    26

Yes, and Yes I did that on purpose on this song.  I wanted it a little behind the beat on it and a little more free form

Thank you for the compliments!

Edited by Dallon426

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zzeb    23
10 minutes ago, Dallon426 said:

Yes, and Yes I did that on purpose on this song.  I wanted it a little behind the beat on it and a little more free form

Thank you for the compliments!

 

OK. Maybe it's me not used to it. 

I think of intros or bridges with off beats. When the steady on beat are introduced you feel a release.

Maybe it's because there's nothing steady to lean on.

Just thoughts. No critics.

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CapM    68

Cool tune!  Nice guitar plucking!

 

The one nit I would have would involve the melody.  The vocal melody frequently ends on a really low F note.  Most of the time you weren't able to hit that note on key, but it also sounded like you kept "resolving" the lyric musically.  In other words, ending an idea and beginning another.  Go, glow, snow, and then even away in the chorus.  IMHO, you should probably only resolve to that really low note on the last word of the verse.  In other words, keep the verses moving around until you resolve that last word.  Resolving each sentence to that low F just didn't flow as nicely as it could.  

 

What was that low tumble @ 3:17?  I thought maybe there was some breathing in the mic, but it was really noticeable.  Maybe find out where that is and cut that?

 

Totally different than the crap I do!  I looked at your musical influences in your sig - I know none of those bands!  Anyhow, nice tune, especially the acoustic picking.  :guitar:

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Dallon426    26

That low rumble is intentional.  Listen with headphones and you can hear what's going on.  Unfortunately, singing is not my strong suit.  I try and sometimes pull off nice things.  But it's been a lifelong struggle.  So, I'm a rough singer as it stands.  Thanks for the comments!

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CapM    68
3 hours ago, Dallon426 said:

That low rumble is intentional.  Listen with headphones and you can hear what's going on.  Unfortunately, singing is not my strong suit.  I try and sometimes pull off nice things.  But it's been a lifelong struggle.  So, I'm a rough singer as it stands.  Thanks for the comments!

 

I was wearing headphones and still didn't know what that rumble was.  For whatever it's worth...

 

No way to get an autune plugin?  My DAW (Logic) has a pitch correction feature, but I've not used it.

 

 

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Dallon426    26

The sound was a low bass drum I used.  And no, I am not interested in using any autotune plugin.  That's cheating, ha

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Jim622    76

I like the feel, as was already said I also like the use of the guitar. Maybe play it up a little, but I'm not much for synths. As CapM said I know none of your references, except for The Shins. Lyrically I have to honest, I have no idea what the songs about. Not a big deal, this happens a lot to me, and if others are more honest...... No biggie. Your lyrics are a lot more, lets say cerebral. My songs tend to be more straight forward. All that said I like what you are doing. When I get time I plan to look at some of your other works. Keep it up. Oh - don't sweat your vocals. I am very vocally challenged. Stay honest.

 

Jim

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I like this song, it's got a really good vibe. It's kind of like the feeling of being moved along whilst wrapped in a warm blanket, that's what it makes me feel like :) 

 

I get your free form approach to timing, but some bits are a bit too free form for me. There's bits during the first verse where the vocals come in just before the beat, and makes it sound a little rushed. 

 

The section from about 2:07 onwards is right on the edge between "free form" and just plain out-of-time. This has mainly to do with the guitar in my left ear, which is also slightly flat. I think having that guitar in the centre rather than the left, pushed further away (i.e. some more reverb, some high-end shelf stuff), would really add to the vibe of that section. 

 

The low-end rumble thing I actually quite like. It's strangely soothing. I'd sprinkle it a bit more liberally throughout the entire song (but not too much, or it will lose its effect).

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kenapayne    10

I do like the guitar rhythm pattern and chords, I also like the chorus - Beatles-like. I also like the verse but repeating the same pattern the 3rd time makes the verse too repetitive and I think a little variation would keep it from droning a bit...unless that's your intention, of course. Just my simple opinion. The guitar rhythm is really catchy, I like it. 

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