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symphonious7    125

Do any of you think you are arrogant?  Do any of you KNOW you are arrogant hahaha?  I have struggled with it all my life and I find it to be such a strange thing to deal with.  I think it's hard to understand the arrogant, because it's not like... a conscious decision to think you're better than everyone, it's like I know how exciting what's going on in my head is and I'm aware that I tend to see deep angles most don't.  I don't think "Ok Chris just go into this remembering you're the smartest person in the room" but it's like it's a subconscious assumption I am not intending to make.  The result is me kind of... not letting anyone else steer the conversation anywhere I keep unwittingly trying to dominate.  

 

Another thing is my quickness to admit my good looks.  Not FLAUNT mind you, I'll just admit quite readily I know I'm a good looking guy, and I don't think this is arrogant for the reason you might think haha  I don't do it to draw attention but more because I just don't see it as something I can take credit for so I'm like "yeah God gave me some great features haha Not sure why he wanted me to have that but I'll take it right?"  But see, not everyone can grasp that you're coming from a place like that, and I won't explain cause I just talk instead of thinking about how THEY will percieve me right?  And there-in lies the pesky arrogance, just kind of riding my own train outloud while I force everyone else on it.  

Lately however I've started FINALLY learning to listen, and just admit my arrogance or stop it, when I see I'm overloading someone or taking over I try to stop and say "Oh wait, I don't think this is the direction you were trying to go in, could you explain what you were saying before please?"  Cause I also won't be listening as I sort of... globalize everything I hear in my mind, connecting dots, seeing a big picture.  It's hard for me to "Come back down to earth" so to speak, though it's not narcissism since I put all this energy into studying Jesus and his love for me and all mankind and so like... the good source makes me good but without that?  If I was more like... a person who didn't have a good sense of self?  I might totally be a textbook narcissist.  

 

Does anyone relate?  (I don't expect you to admit it if you're not comfortable haha my arrogance just let's me talk about my flaws all day long with no fear Muhahahaha)

 

(Oh let me know if you were uncomfortable with the Jesus reference, I'm guessing you're ok with people referencing religion to the degree they kind of have to to be honest and themselves, I'm guessing you just don't want anyone trying to STEER everyone into a religious debate yes?  Let me know if I get the idea now)  

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Rudi    572

Confidence is fine.

Arrogance is an important step beyond confidence. Its what my mother used to describe as 'being full of your own self importance'.

 

Self confidence provides you with an optimistic outlook within your peer group and society in general.

Arrogance assumes superiority. You can find ways to justify it, but others probably will never truly view you as superior to them.

 

Self confidence asserts your entitlement to your opinion.

Arrogance assumes that everyone is entitled to your opinion.

 

 

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symphonious7    125

hehe yikes, that last part kinda hit me and it stung "arrogance assumes that everyone is entitled to your opinion" EXACTLY.  I don't LISTEN.  I just railroad over everything, however I've hid from people for like years and run from human interaction because of it, actually, I did it to THIS forum a few years back lmao  I'm so AWARE of my arrogance, but not sure how to stop, HOWEVER my wife has been a GOD SEND.  She has a disorder called aspergers that makes her very unique, she has a different kind of antenna than the rest of us do for picking up social cues.  When I'm being arrogant, she just doesn't connect with me, she stares off into space and can't tell what I'm getting at, even gets brain fog and fatigued, needing to be alone.  But when I look at her.  Just LOOK at her, and really listen, just thinking about who SHE is, her eyes light up, she looks at me with love and excitement and starts to relax, and I begin to finally understand everything that's so wonderful about HER and my own self importance diminishes.  

 

I'm just now starting to try to be fearless enough to try doing this with people, I'm always scared of putting my foot in my mouth, but honestly when you just say less and focus more on the other person, it really does start to kind of flow I think I just have to try and not beat myself up too much when I kinda go off the rails you know?  In time it will diminish more and more I think.  

Edited by symphonious7
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Rudi    572

As for Jesus. When I was a Christian I never thought of Jesus as god.

 

Presumably all those ugly people were deliberately made that way if you attribute such things to a deity. I suppose there has to be ugly people to give your good looks validity. Looks are always comparitive.

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Rudi    572
3 minutes ago, symphonious7 said:

When I'm being arrogant, she just doesn't connect with me, she stares off into space and can't tell what I'm getting at, even gets brain fog and fatigued, needing to be alone.  But when I look at her.  Just LOOK at her, and really listen, just thinking about who SHE is, her eyes light up, she looks at me with love and excitement and starts to relax, and I begin to finally understand everything that's so wonderful about HER and my own self importance diminishes.  

 

That is very nice. People love attention. Kids cant hide it.

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symphonious7    125
12 minutes ago, Rudi said:

As for Jesus. When I was a Christian I never thought of Jesus as god.

 

Presumably all those ugly people were deliberately made that way if you attribute such things to a deity. I suppose there has to be ugly people to give your good looks validity. Looks are always comparitive.

hahahahaha  I think I'm more just... content with my face but in the past I've made innapropriate jokes about it that I should have realized would come off full of myself.  And yes I totally agree, plus the most beautiful faces turn ugly in contempt, and the most homely of faces turn beautiful in love.  At least that's what I think. :)

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HoboSage    1,915

I don't know why you started this thread - kind of arrogant that you did. ;)  But, I'm glad you did, because I learned something about you I don't think I knew before, and if I did know, I had forgotten it.  Your name is Chris. :)

 

 

 

 

Edited by HoboSage
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symphonious7    125
8 minutes ago, HoboSage said:

I don't know why you started this thread - kind of arrogant that you did. ;)  But, I'm glad you did, because I learned something about you I don't think I knew before, and if I did know, I had forgotten it.  Your name is Chris. :)

 

 

 

 

I don't know to what degree that was joking and what little sprinkles of truth may be in it, but all of a sudden I can SEE how this might have been kinda arrogant haha because I try to say relevant things, but make it all about myself in over eagerness.  All those years talking to the wall just didn't pay off man....  Oh and yes, my name is Chris :)  

Edited by symphonious7

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HoboSage    1,915

I was joking.  This isn't arrogant . . . just narcissistic.  <heh-heh>

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symphonious7    125

Well regardless I do think I'll learn in time to calmly listen to people instead of always blurting out all my thoughts, and I'm not ashamed that it's a process.  You can't learn any other way right?  No one needs to worry about hurting my feelings, I'm just trying this whole... "be yourself and don't care thing" that old McGruff taught me back in grade school.  No wait... he taught me not to smoke crack.  Same thing.  

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Just1L    904
16 hours ago, symphonious7 said:

No one needs to worry about hurting my feelings, I'm just trying this whole... 

 

Always better to be whole than an a-hole. :)

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symphonious7    125
26 minutes ago, Just1L said:

 

Always better to be whole than an a-hole. :)

But nothing's better than being A-TEAM!!!  

giphy.gif

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starise    368

I believe this is more common than I thought. The attitude of condescension. I've seen it in lots of places and yes, at times I've been guilty of it and needed to look honestly at myself. I am convinced that if we could see the totality of every human being in one glance including ourselves it would do two things. We would have no reason to think highly of ourselves as compared to anyone else.We would see the wonderful things about  people. All people, not just a group or groups of people.

 

Any really honest evaluation of the universal human condition takes into account the good and the bad in everyone. At the end of the day, in order to be arrogant and narcissistic we have to ignoring all the facts.

 

One thing that grounds me is to remind myself constantly that no matter where I am or who I am with I must be reminded that I am a part of them. The minute we don't see that we're headed down the path of the Nazis. There is a very small difference in DNA between anyone on the planet and you. So small in fact, that it's hard to measure. 

 

If you're at a party in Hollywood and everyone is wearing a tux but you. You happen to be wearing a dirty t-shirt with holes in it. How would that make you feel? How would they look at you? What if you were the one in a tux looking at someone in a dirty t-shirt with holes at a high class party? In a sense you will at one time or another be both of those people. Not in that exact sense. I just used this as an illustration to make a point.In order to really connect with ourselves and with others we need to see past that.

 

See that old man who has trouble walking? This is eventually you. Another thing to remember is that everything you have,have done or will do, you were given the ability or the resources to do it. If you made money, you couldn't have done it without the given ability. No one does something from nothing as independent . In that sense, we are more like stewards of what we are and what we have. Jesus was a probably the best example of this. He gravitated to people who were viewed as lowly. He got it. They really weren't lowly in the things that matter.

 

 

Edited by starise
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HoboSage    1,915

*  I "liked" your above-post, Tim, because I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said in it, except, of course, the jesus myth stuff. ;)

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symphonious7    125

That was beautifully said!  And it's so funny because I'm not worried at ALL about it now.  I think it was just the result of isolation.  I was so isolated for years that when I came out I noticed I had trouble actually saying anything relevant to what others were saying but I still said alot.  I thought "oh no!  My arrogance is back!"  But now that I've pushed through and kept talking to people, I just started realizing I'm out of practice! haha I really just... am!  That's it!  Not some arrogance problem, just... I've been thinking too long.  I'm fine now, just had to get that listening part of my mind going again, I think he forgot he existed and I don't blame him.  

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Just1L    904
4 minutes ago, symphonious7 said:

 I'm fine now, just had to get that listening part of my mind going again, I think he forgot he existed and I don't blame him.  

 

Maybe he was too busy looking at your beautiful face! LOL Just kidding of course, couldn't help myself. :)

Edited by Just1L
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symphonious7    125

*high five* lol

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Just1L    904

Yeah, I'm a real Joker. 

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symphonious7    125

Dude on my old forum I got everyone doing this thing we called "derailing" which I know you THINK you know what that is, but we would do it on purpose, just to suddenly make a topic turn into a long drawn out retarded joke fest of pure madness.  The caps locks flew, the point was never found, but dear goodness did we laugh, and oh man was it fun.....  I'm starting to think it could come back too....

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symphonious7    125

not on this forum of course!! hahaha we discuss music here by golly!!  I just mean I'm in a good place and that infectious.... I dunno... desire to laugh with people is returning... dun du DAAAHHH

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starise    368
19 minutes ago, symphonious7 said:

That was beautifully said!  And it's so funny because I'm not worried at ALL about it now.  I think it was just the result of isolation.  I was so isolated for years that when I came out I noticed I had trouble actually saying anything relevant to what others were saying but I still said alot.  I thought "oh no!  My arrogance is back!"  But now that I've pushed through and kept talking to people, I just started realizing I'm out of practice! haha I really just... am!  That's it!  Not some arrogance problem, just... I've been thinking too long.  I'm fine now, just had to get that listening part of my mind going again, I think he forgot he existed and I don't blame him.  

 

It might not have been arrogance. I almost seems to me that you might share a trait familiar to many. I notice this at times too. This is what I mean. You;re standing in a group of your peers and they all look at one another knowingly and nod. Then I say something that makes total sense to me and they just look and change the subject. This  doesn't mean we are better or worse. Some people just have a different way of coming across that doesn't mesh. I have found this to be true with me.

 

If I think I see an angle I'm excited to share on a subject, I usually don't share it any more for concern I'll be misunderstood. I've decided that many times it's just ok for me if I seen it and reflected on it. And you'll find in social conversation, no one is ever as interested in it as you are. People now have about a 5 second attention span, so it isn't always us. No matter what you talk about, most folks start to glaze over after a few minutes. Might as well save your breath.

 

If I'm in a group of guys talking about NASCAR or deer hunting, I tend to glaze over and fight the urge to yawn. No that's not the response of a typical guy, but then I'm not a typical guy and I've come to realize that and try to roll with it.

 

Now if you want talk about what might be happening in Antarctica or theories on the present alignment of the planets, or guitars and keyboards, I might be on board then.

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Just1L    904

 

21 minutes ago, symphonious7 said:

Dude on my old forum I got everyone doing this thing we called "derailing" which I know you THINK you know what that is, but we would do it on purpose, just to suddenly make a topic turn into a long drawn out retarded joke fest of pure madness.  The caps locks flew, the point was never found, but dear goodness did we laugh, and oh man was it fun.....  I'm starting to think it could come back too....

 

It's a naturally occurring event here. I know it is because It's what I believe, so don't even try to say it isn't. <--- back on topic

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symphonious7    125
1 minute ago, starise said:

 

It might not have been arrogance. I almost seems to me that you might share a trait familiar to many. I notice this at times too. This is what I mean. You;re standing in a group of your peers and they all look at one another knowingly and nod. Then I say something that makes total sense to me and they just look and change the subject. This  doesn't mean we are better or worse. Some people just have a different way of coming across that doesn't mesh. I have found this to be true with me.

 

If I think I see an angle I'm excited to share on a subject, I usually don't share it any more for concern I'll be misunderstood. I've decided that many times it's just ok for me if I seen it and reflected on it. And you'll find in social conversation, no one is ever as interested in it as you are. People now have about a 5 second attention span, so it isn't always us. No matter what you talk about, most folks start to glaze over after a few minutes. Might as well save your breath.

 

If I'm in a group of guys talking about NASCAR or deer hunting, I tend to glaze over and fight the urge to yawn. No that's not the response of a typical guy, but then I'm not a typical guy and I've come to realize that and try to roll with it.

 

Now if you want talk about what might be happening in Antarctica or theories on the present alignment of the planets, or guitars and keyboards, I might be on board then.

Oh man, can I like a post twice??  That's exactly the thing I'm talking except because I'm hyper and reeeeeally interested in what I'm thinking about, I kept noticing how I was always dominating conversation, steering it into what I thought was exciting and the people would look.... overwhelmed and a little... "Dude I just wanted to chat..."  But yeah I get it now, not everything is worth saying right then, and I think I'm finding that balance of giving in put without being like "I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE GUYS" and zooming passed them 100 mph lol

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symphonious7    125
6 minutes ago, Just1L said:

 

 

It's a naturally occurring event here. I know it is because It's what I believe, so don't even try to say it isn't. <--- back on topic

YOU GET BACK ON TOPIC SIR.  I OWN THIS THREAD.  

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starise    368
4 minutes ago, symphonious7 said:

Oh man, can I like a post twice??  That's exactly the thing I'm talking except because I'm hyper and reeeeeally interested in what I'm thinking about, I kept noticing how I was always dominating conversation, steering it into what I thought was exciting and the people would look.... overwhelmed and a little... "Dude I just wanted to chat..."  But yeah I get it now, not everything is worth saying right then, and I think I'm finding that balance of giving in put without being like "I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE GUYS" and zooming passed them 100 mph lol

 Some personality types are in a constant state of sensory overload. You have so much coming in from everywhere and you're analyzing all of it at once. At least this is what it kinds sounds like to me.By the time they've talked about it on the surface you might have had a half dozen thoughts on it and are probably eager to say something. OTOH, they didn't want to really want get that deep. They are content to make small talk. Might not have the interest to pursue the subject deeper. You might be stewing on it for the next 5 hours. Am I close? Do you get frustrated with the superficial nature of most conversations?  Sometimes I think , why say anything at all? None of it really means anything. You had your dog to the vet, that's great. And if someone asks you how you're doing, we know what happens if we really tell them ;)

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symphonious7    125

@starise my friend it's like you just drew a map of my brain hahahaha yes, we have identified exactly what it was that had me so convinced I was arrogant haha  See when I USED to be arrogant, I really DID kinda... think I was pretty great for thinking on such a "higher" level, and could often times like... I dunno I was just acting like I was sooooo cool.  But the very fact I was worried about it and trying to learn to listen should have shown me it's not arrogance this time around, just an unsatisfied overactive brain.  lol  False alarm guys, false alarm...

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@symphonious7, if its any consolation to you, I find your posts quite entertaining--at least how I imagine you to be based on how you write out your thoughts.  You remind me of my younger sister somewhat.  Your excitement over things is endearing.  However, I get to read it at my own leisure and that makes a difference.  I am one of those people who gets sensory overload.  I like deep subjects, not so much superficial ones, but sometimes, depending on my mood I participate.  

 

What I remember of my sister, who now lives away, is that I was used to how she was when we grew up together, but then she tried out a life event that took her away for awhile.

When she came back, it was like, "Whoa! I've got to get out of here!"  With her movements, constant conversation and animation and engagement in a small space was more than I could handle for long periods of time.  The house was sooooo quiet when she was gone and so filled with commotion when she came back--the difference knocked me off my kilter a bit.  That's more about my limitations than her behavior.

 

I enjoy her personality and her company as long as she doesn't try to push me to think like she does.  I believe wholeheartedly in Jesus  (and I don't care if others think he's a myth--or if they think I'm a dumb sheep --too much of his presence has been made known to me to deny him), but there are things about "practicing" she and I differ on considerably and she's always trying to convert me back to her way of believing/practicing and I want no part of that.  Even when I am enjoying her company, I still need a mental break after some time because that's how I'm created.  I need lots of alone downtime to process my thoughts.

 

I think our position in the family might partially account for how our very different personalities developed.  She's the youngest of multiple siblings and thrived on LOTS of attention, which was given by all members of the family.  I have a youngest child and what I see in common with the two of them is they are very light-hearted (except when they're not--which is brief), persistent, jovial, funny, smart, quick-witted, and forgiving.  Point is...she's got imperfections as well as good points, but people gotta love you for who you are, so if that's who you are, be who you are!  Its better than someone loving you for who you're not.

 

Edited by Pahchisme Plaid
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Rob Ash    477

 

I a coming to this thread late. I will try to be brief.

 

I am arrogant.

 

Yes, yes, it's true. Those who are hearing this for the first time, please, try to remain calm... the shock will pass quickly.

 

At first, I knew this to be true because of how many times I was told so by others. Now I know it to be true because I have learned more fully just exactly who I am, and embraced that reality.

 

For me, the revelation formed itself thus: Am I arrogant? Yes. Do I have reason to be? All things being relative, as others, including the OP, have previously stated... yes. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

 

Well....

 

Few things can be proven to be true for ALL human beings. One trait we all share is that we don't know a damn thing when we are born. It doesn't even matter, however, if you could give a new born baby all the life experiences of a full 85 (give or take) years. An additional ingredient is required in order for knowledge to become wisdom, and that is reflection. And reflection occurs over the course of a full life time. That time is necessary!

 

More time is actually needed to absorb and digest information than is needed to acquire that information in the first place.

 

I am not saying that wisdom is the sole province of the decrepit. But there is a reason that the curve for the retreat of youthful over-exuberance, in all of it's many colorful manifestations, and the curve for a cultivated store of true wisdom are mirrors of each other. As one decreases, the other tends to increase. This whole thing is leavened, of course, by the variations in relative intelligence, arrogance, personal beauty, and energy level of individuals. Bur it is true enough for us all as a species that all human societies are riddled with tales, parables, axioms, and witticisms regarding this swing.

 

Thus, symphonious7 (nice made up word, that, by the way...B)), I see your insights, as posted herein, as being relatively normal, and the course of your life to be on track, with regards to how you reflect upon how you employ the gifts you see yourself benefiting from. I too, was overly arrogant in my youth, I still am arrogant. Even to the point of occasionally acting against my own best interests.

 

But not often. Such is one benefit of being 55, intelligent and introspective.

 

So worry not, my friend, that you care enough to place yourself under the microscope of true self evaluation, at all... says much that is good about you.

 

 

 

Edited by Rob Ash
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Richard Tracey    252

The only thing you have to remember is there is a difference between arrogance and ignorance. Ignorance I cannot stand, arrogance is just somebody's make-up and most of the time shouldn't affect anyone unless they let it.

 

I like to believe I am neither arrogant or ignorant, but I know that my tolerance levels have greatly reduced the older I get and I now get fed up with far too many conversations. I normally just smile and nod along, but inside I'm screaming that the person is boring my head off.

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Rudi    572
3 hours ago, Richard Tracey said:

The only thing you have to remember is there is a difference between arrogance and ignorance. Ignorance I cannot stand, arrogance is just somebody's make-up and most of the time shouldn't affect anyone unless they let it.

 

It looks as if this has become a 'lets re-define arrogance' exercise so Symp can feel justified, or at least better about it.

 

Arrogance encompasses ignorance, or at least empathy. The only way you can justify arrogance is if you are genuinely superior to everybody else. 

I believe this to be a contemporary social condition. Modesty and good manners exist to help keep this sort of thing in check, but both have been eroded. So now maybe arrogance now doesn't look too bad after all?

 

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