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CassieP

It's Just A Song

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CassieP    84

(Just a start....looking for critique and possibly help)

 

It's Just A Song

 

Maybe to you it's just a song
Maybe to you
But if you don't know where you belong
And need some truth
If you feel lost and all alone
Let the music bring you home
or maybe to you
Maybe to you it's just a song

 

We may not know exactly where we're going
Sometimes we need to look back at where we've been

Just wrap ourselves in a melody and a memory so strong
But maybe to you
Maybe to you it's just a song

 

https://y-sf.smule.com/sf/y56/sing/performance/rendered/cd/70/9594eb9e-ed66-47dc-ab9e-7cd2155b6963.m4a

Edited by CassieP
edited tenses
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Hi CassieP,  This has a nice vocal melody to it.  You have a very powerful voice.  Your song sounds a little bit country.  Nice a capella!

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Peggy    403
2 hours ago, CassieP said:

(Just a start....looking for critique and possibly help)

 

It's Just A Song

 

Maybe to you it's just a song
Maybe to you
When I don't know where I belong
And need some truth
When I feel lost and all alone
It's the music that brings me home
But maybe to you
Maybe to you it's just a song

 

And I may not know exactly where I'm going
But it helps me to look back where we've been
So just wrap me up in a melody and a memory so strong
Still maybe to you
Maybe to you it's just a song

 

Hi Cassie, 

Nice voice of course :)

Just put a couple if suggestions in bold. Kinda was trying to figure out  the the I you me.  Good start for sure.

:)

Peggy

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Leo    44

Hey Cassie,

Cool demo, I like the story and your voice sounds great.

Iv'e got a couple of suggestions with the lyrics:

 

It's Just A Song

Maybe to you it's just a song,

Maybe to you,
But i'm a long way from home and mighty blue,
When I'm feeling lost and lonely I let the music take me home,
but maybe to you,
Maybe to you it's just a song,

 

Iv'e been on the move so much I'm not sure where I'm going,

Often I will stop to think of places where Iv'e been,
I wrap myself in melody and memory so strong,
But maybe to you,
Maybe to you it's just a song,

 

I can hear the images of fields awaiting harvest,

I can see the river just before it bends,

With every verse and chorus I'm closer,

To the place that makes me stronger,

But maybe to you,
Maybe to you it's just a song,

 

Best of luck.

Edited by Leo

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Dazzyt66    37

CassieP - this is great. It defo has a country feel and would love to see this combine your great voice with a cool contemporary country backing (although a Hank Williamsesque steel would work really well). As the song progresses I feel so should the music - and then drops back to a Capella at the end - well that's how I imagine it in my head anyway. Great job. Great voice! :)

Edited by Dazzyt66

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tomcollins    526

Sweet vox! Could use that vocal in a song !!

 

Not read comments yet or if any edits been place , first was the tense. "Where I'm going. "Where you been"

 

Think you got the bones need to fill it up with some meat!! 

Meaning a bit more. 

Digging this 

Rock on !!

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tomcollins    526

Ah scratch that lmao ya did edit! 

Rock on

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CassieP    84

 

pahchisme plaid, thank you for your comments and thank you for reading and listening. 

 

Peggy, thank you for your comments as well. The tenses were bothering me but I had originally felt like I needed them for the contrasting points of view. I have edited and I think it works better. Thank you.

 

Leo I really like your suggestions and my next step is definitely to add some visual imagery as you have done. Thank you. 

 

Dazzyt66. Thank you for your comment. I'm actually not interested in singing outside of my writing. At this time I'm still not proficient enough in any other instruments to convey the melody in my head. I would be ok with helping anyone else with the same thing, just getting their melody out.  But it's not something I want to pursue. As far as the song, I'm still working out whether I've written a verse and chorus or prechorus. I know that's a backward way to do it but it's very raw. And I do like the idea of bringing it down to acapella in the end. Thank you again.

 

Hey Tom! Thank you. I knew posting it here would help me start working out the things that were driving me crazy. I should have done it sooner. Now maybe I can make some progress instead of rolling the same problem around in my brain. Maybe I should post the other thousand that I'm halfway through!!! Hope all is well with you!

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HoboSage    1,997

Don't like the noise reduction pumping in and out on the recording, but I love your voice, Cassie.

 

FWIW, I totally, completely, utterly and strongly disagree with the edits you made.  I think your original instincts were right - you need the contrast I/me vs. maybe to you has to have it work best - just how you sing it. 

 

I really dig the "maybe to you it's just a song" hook.  But, in this context, you seem to be talking about some other song or other songs besides this song (or if you are talking about this song, it comes off as a bit arrogant touting it as you do), and you're implying that I/the "you" you're singing too, probably doesn't appreciate songs like you do or something.  It kind of becomes off-putting to me - as if John Denver were to sing about the majesty of the Rocky Mountains or the beauty Western Virginia and then for no reason at all take a little swipe at the rest of us and our capacity for feeling by saying: "But maybe to you it's just another place."  I personally think this would be a much more powerful song using that hook with a slight tweak if you were expressing how you deeply feel about a whole host of things to me/the person you're singing to - pouring out your heart and soul to us and wondering if we "hear" you and even care with "but maybe to you this is just a song."  With the emotion you can convey with your voice - wow - that's the song I'd really love to hear.  The title could then be Just A Song,  or alternatively, Maybe To You.  

 

Just my opinion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by HoboSage

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CassieP    84

HoboSage this is a great opportunity to elaborate on a topic that gets discussed on this site a lot. The purpose of writing and the intention of critique. I personally am interested in having my work reach more people than just myself. If I wanted to write down my songs and keep them in a notebook in my bedroom forever I might be closed off to critiques that cause me to rethink all of my lyrics but that's not my goal. I want my lyrics to resonate with others, To find their way into the world in a real format.  I don't ever want to alienate a listener. Conversely I want more people to identify. Your critique is definitely valid and thought provoking. I will surely need to reflect on how to best edit. That requires much more than just a simple tense change. But I think it is well worth delving into.  Thank you for taking the time to honestly critique.  I really like the idea of changing the focus from all songs to this particular song. And I can see how it could sound negative to a listener. In my brain it was more of a conversation between 2 people and the disinterest of music to 1 and the importance of it to the other. 

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HoboSage    1,997
31 minutes ago, CassieP said:

 In my brain it was more of a conversation between 2 people and the disinterest of music to 1 and the importance of it to the other. 

 

I think that approach could still work, but there's really nothing here yet to justify you thinking they might not appreciate music like you do.  At least, that's how it comes off to me so far.  Maybe you could have a bridge about you listening to music to tune the other out and go to a better place, which would more strongly personalize this as between you and them, and let the hook kind of paint them, not really in a negative light, but as only clueless thinking you're just listening to some song, and not knowing why you are.  I think that could be effective.  We wouldn't know the details of why you need a song's escape, but I think that would make this song all the more intriguing, and give the song a bit of a twist of pathos.  Surely, escaping though music is something many can identify with.  Anyway, it's just one idea.

 

 

Edited by HoboSage

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scotsman89    342

Cassie 

think the singing is great the theme is also great bit in my humble just as Leo points out think it needs a start as to why it's just a song .   maybe as if when you hear it  - it sparks a memory 

 

something along these lines 

 

 

when  I hear that song we used to sing

in my mind it's always spring

filled with memories of you 

but is it  just a song    to you

 

just my opinion 

john

 

 

Edited by scotsman89

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CassieP    84

(Verse 1)

A turn of the dial and I wanna cry

Takes me back to old friends and I

Just can't help but sing along

but maybe to you it's just a song

brand new shoes on an old gym floor

nobody saw us slipping out the door

and driving around till the crack of dawn

maybe to you it's just a song

 

(chorus)

Maybe to you it's just a song

Maybe to you

When I don't know where I belong and need some truth

When I feel lost and all alone

Its the music that brings me home

Maybe to you,

Maybe to you it's just a song

 

(Verse 2)

give other example of significance of song and reinforce impact it has on singer, possible reason 2nd party "had to be there, but wasn't)

 

(chorus)

(bridge)

And we may not know exactly where we're going

but it helps sometimes to look back where we've been

to just wrap yourself in a melody and a memory so strong

but maybe to you,

maybe to you it's just a song

 

(chorus)

 

 

 

 

Edited by CassieP

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tomcollins    526

Edit above is how i took it . a lyric about life .our own song. Where we are from our life struggles that intertwine, country music ect.

Never took it as a love or someone not liking music. I love the hook.

And maybe just maybe when i grow up I will sing as beautifully!

Rock on !!!!!

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HoboSage    1,997

I think you're on the right track.  Dig the new version.  I think the bridge would be more effective using "I don't know exactly where we're going . . . but it helps sometimes to look back where we've been . . . to wrap myself in a melody and a memory so strong . . . but maybe to you . . . maybe to you it's just a song."  That way, you'rd be saying you think of the songs that have been the soundtrack of good times, including those with the other, to give yourself a little sense of security about the current relationship because you're unsure about it, and unsure of how the other really feels.  Just my opinion.

Edited by HoboSage
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Patty Lakamp    50
On 7/29/2017 at 0:32 PM, CassieP said:

to just wrap yourself in a melody and a memory so strong

Cassie, I'm quite taken with your voice--lucky you to have that instrument to play with!

 

I think the revision is great, and I especially like this line about wrapping yourself in a melody.

 

I have a little twinge about Maybe to you it's just a song, because depending on my mood, I guess, it could either mean you're dissing the other person for being too dense to appreciate music, or, it could be a comment on how EXTRA appreciative you are of a special song.   It may not matter except in how the listener then feels about the singer.

 

I think you have a double gift--for lyrics and that wonderful voice!

 

 

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Patty Lakamp    50
On 7/29/2017 at 0:32 PM, CassieP said:

(bridge)

And we may not know exactly where we're going

but it helps sometimes to look back where we've been

to just wrap yourself in a melody and a memory so strong

but maybe to you,

maybe to you it's just a song

Cassie,

 

If you decide to go with the direction that certain songs "take you back",  and you're surmising that to someone else, they're Just a Song:

I think an interesting idea for a bridge is to have the other person play you a song that means everything to him...and it does nothing for you.  To you, it's Just a Song. It seems that would be a perfect turnaround.

 

Patty

Edited by Patty Lakamp

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Timbre    158

Hi, Cassie.

 

Gorgeous voice. I like the direction the edits are going. It's feeling reminiscent of Trisha Yearwood's The Song Remembers When -- has the same appreciation of the power of a song. I think it's true that songs don't always strike us the same and you don't have to back away from that. But building up a story around that truth could take away some of the sting that others have commented on. Your edits made me think about how some couples have "our song", but what happens after the breakup? One scenario that could fit with this hook is that one person (the singer) hangs onto all the good memories associated with the song, while to the other person it's "just a song".  Then the hook becomes a metaphor for wondering if the relationship had been one-sided. In my head that's a very vulnerable and intimate frame to put around these lyrics. Think of Tim McGraw/Faith Hill  Like We Never Loved At All-- where the singer is still attached to the relationship and wonders if they guy ever was. 

 

You've got a good start to that kind of story arc, starting with young love and maybe progressing to marriage and mid-life, etc. I thought the first 4 lines would make a great intro/outro and also suggested some pronoun tweaks. There's so much good stuff here! Thanks for sharing. ~T 

 

Intro

A turn of the dial and I wanna cry

Takes me back to you and I (grammatically, this should be "you and me" but for the sake of the rhyme let's go with it!)

Just can't help but sing along

but maybe to you it's just a song

 

V1

brand new shoes on an old gym floor

nobody saw us slipping out the door

and driving around till the crack of dawn

maybe to you it's just a song

 

And I may not know exactly where I'm going

but it helps sometimes to look back where I've been

to just wrap myself in a melody and a memory so strong

but maybe to you,

maybe to you it's just a song

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Patty Lakamp    50

This is very powerful. I sure like this direction.

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