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Dazzyt66

A bit of a diversion for me...

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Dazzyt66    37

This ain't really my genre but was experimenting with GarageBand and thought it was OK.

 

OK, now I'll brace myself for the feedback. Thanks for listening :)

 

 

Edited by Dazzyt66
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Leo    44

Hey Dazz,

Cool sound, sort of Joy division with Josh Homme in a lo-fi production.

I really like the bass line. I would bring it more to the front.

To me, the chorus could use more power. I would suggest the lead guitar to play something different than the vocal melody.

And maybe add more to the drums. Maybe adding another instrument in the chorus...

 

Can you post the lyrics please,

 

Thanks

Edited by Leo

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it sounds weird after your sing along to the guitar then singing against it after. cool track think guitars need a little work added to them

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Dazzyt66    37
57 minutes ago, Leo said:

Hey Dazz,

Cool sound, sort of Joy division with Josh Homme in a lo-fi production.

I really like the bass line. I would bring it more to the front.

To me, the chorus could use more power. I would suggest the lead guitar to play something different than the vocal melody.

And maybe add more to the drums. Maybe adding another instrument in the chorus...

 

Can you post the lyrics please,

 

Thanks

OK, so it's going better than I thought lol thanks for the suggestions - I'll see what I can do... here are the lyrics:

 

Why Do You Do It?

 

You think you own this city
Your a big man who's walking tough
You think the world owes you a living
But you ain’t good enough

 

So why do you do it
Why do you do it
I got a feeling
That you’re gonna lose it

 

I've been watching your actions
And to me they make no sense
You keep puttin us in bad situations 
That we are gonna live to regret

 

So why do you do it
Why do you do it
I got a feeling
That you’re gonna lose it

 

I can see you crying in the playground
When those bullies looked for you
Then one day you got some protection 
I'm not sure it really suited you

 

So why do you do it
Why do you do it
I got a feeling
That you’re gonna lose it

 

And now you’re face down in the gutter
And the media is all over you
I kept sayin this would lead to trouble
But there was nothing that I could do

 

So why do you do it
Why do you do it
I got a feeling
That you’re gonna lose it

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Dazzyt66    37
38 minutes ago, ALOPRODUCTIONZ said:

it sounds weird after your sing along to the guitar then singing against it after. cool track think guitars need a little work added to them

Cool, thanks for the feedback. TBH, this is the first time I ever came up with the music before I put the lyrics in - so I guess that's why, as I worked back from the chorus, which I think is the weakest bit. I'll have a fiddle... 😀

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Dazzyt66    37

Ok, take 2 - more baseline, rearranged chorus...

 

 

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Dallon426    29

The vocals are way to far back.  I think maybe you could have a main vocal track and just add a touch of distortion to get the effect you might want.  The bass panned in the left ear is way too loud as well.  The guitars are too far in the back as well.  The drums could use some panning on the toms and snare to create some space.  Basically, you want your drums to sound as if you are looking at the kit.  So, the floor tom would be panned more hard right, low tom a bit more around 3 o clock, mids around 1 o clock and highs around 11 o clock.  That will add space which is what this track needs IMO

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Dazzyt66    37
1 hour ago, Dallon426 said:

The vocals are way to far back.  I think maybe you could have a main vocal track and just add a touch of distortion to get the effect you might want.  The bass panned in the left ear is way too loud as well.  The guitars are too far in the back as well.  The drums could use some panning on the toms and snare to create some space.  Basically, you want your drums to sound as if you are looking at the kit.  So, the floor tom would be panned more hard right, low tom a bit more around 3 o clock, mids around 1 o clock and highs around 11 o clock.  That will add space which is what this track needs IMO

Thanks for this. I've had another attempt. It seems better to my ears but then I ain't really sure what I'm doing... lol

 

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the bass guitar sounds really good now. i think the high guitar is clashing with your vocals. try turning the vocals up or the high guitar down a little

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Dazzyt66    37
32 minutes ago, ALOPRODUCTIONZ said:

the bass guitar sounds really good now. i think the high guitar is clashing with your vocals. try turning the vocals up or the high guitar down a little

Cool! Thanks 👍

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Dazzyt66    37

Think I'm gonna settle for this for now. Thanks everyone for the input! 😀

 

 

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Just1L    961

This is sounding pretty good. I have to say what stood out to me is when the chorus comes in. It's a really nice change there from verse to chorus. One thing this song may benefit from is a bridge. At 2:36 it is a relatively short song so I could see one being put in. Something that's a little different from the rest. I think in that part the drums should change up just a tad. Overall something a little slower, or with less instrumentation. Then the chorus kicks in with the beating drums as they are. Good job so far on this.

 

Randy

 

EDIT

LOL As soon as I hit post, your newest version popped up.

Edited by Just1L
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Dazzyt66    37
26 minutes ago, Just1L said:

One thing this song may benefit from is a bridge.

Thanks, I considered this too. I think I'm gonna add it in after a day or two so I can take a step back - I got a melody riff that I can use and was thinking of putting that in as part of the intro build up too.

 

Thanks for listening - I may have to migrate more to rock tracks rather than my usual country stuff! Lol

Edited by Dazzyt66
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Just1L    961
36 minutes ago, Dazzyt66 said:

I may have to migrate more to rock tracks rather than my usual country stuff! Lol

 

You may want to consider combining both. Could be fun.

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