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Tahva13    7

This one's a monstrous 7 minutes long, managed to pack a lot into it. Recorded this track at home, it's a little kitschy and could use some work and I'm open to suggestions! I'd like to discuss the lyrics especially and talk about their meaning if anyone would like to wager a guess as to what they mean. Definitely something different here then what I usually do but I thought it would be a great track to open up with considering it's the one I'm working on right now.

Let me hear your thoughts on it. Recorded this with a Korg Mililogue jacked straight into my computer and used audacity to edit everything together.

Here it is;

 

Here are the lyrics;

 

A tragedy that people are
Scarcely given to emotional response

Free opinion circumvented
Speech conformingly demented

 

Ideals from self never descended
Tell me is that how our stories ended?

 

Your prejudice leaving its scar
You choose to hate my rennaissance

Hatred cruelly calculated
This new feeling truly dated

 

And yet you're never compensated
Tell me is it me that's truly hated

 

Or is self loath required
From Androids
Seeking human soul

In life

For your choice
Never giving thought

To why you're human
If there's room in-
Side your heart
Isn't it a start

 

For once you'll taste
Of human grace
Inside your mind
I'm sure you'll find


The truth
About your maker
Truth about your maker

 

Apologies ever pretended
Aching wounds are never mended

A travesty when they are used
Individuals powers abused

 

Literacy program infused
We'll teach you how to read the news

 

Manifestation dies
In Androids
Seeking no form of life

Despise
Your employs
But never causing strife

Anticipation of future
Electronic Nations


Self sustaining
Ever fading

Human heart
I wish it was a start
But we're only designed
In time you'll surely find


The Truth About your Maker
The Truth about your Maker

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MonoStone    915

I like the tune a lot! And I like the sounds you've used.

 

It's long, but I think it feels a bit longer at the moment because the mix needs some work, and it needs to build to something bigger sounding so that at some point it really feels like it's kicked in.

 

I don't know where you're up to with the mix so I won't comment too much on it, but by the second half where I'd hoped it would kick in to a fuller sound and more of a distinct groove it seemed like your vocal dominated even more (whereas I think when the song gets bigger the vocal should sit in a bit to let the beat and music come through or else it feels a bit like you're singing over it.

 

The sounds are good but since it remains quite samey throughout in that respect, I think the mix/production will make or break it. To me it's crying out to develop into something with a really cool electronic groove but that's not quite coming through at the moment.

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Tahva13    7
3 minutes ago, MonoStone said:

I like the tune a lot! And I like the sounds you've used.

 

It's long, but I think it feels a bit longer at the moment because the mix needs some work, and it needs to build to something bigger sounding so that at some point it really feels like it's kicked in.

 

I don't know where you're up to with the mix so I won't comment too much on it, but by the second half where I'd hoped it would kick in to a fuller sound and more of a distinct groove it seemed like your vocal dominated even more (whereas I think when the song gets bigger the vocal should sit in a bit to let the beat and music come through or else it feels a bit like you're singing over it.

 

The sounds are good but since it remains quite samey throughout in that respect, I think the mix/production will make or break it. To me it's crying out to develop into something with a really cool electronic groove but that's not quite coming through at the moment.

 

Nice! Thanks Monotone, yeah I've been working on this one for a while, it's sort of been a work in progress for quite a bit now but I really appreciate your input, I think I will do that. So during the second half have it swell some more with noise and put diminish the vocals a bit I will work on that. I wanted to retain a sameness of feel but I agree it could use some extra variation. Would you say the first half feels thin? And that with the second half you were expecting the sound to thicken?

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MonoStone    915
4 minutes ago, Tahva13 said:

 

Nice! Thanks Monotone, yeah I've been working on this one for a while, it's sort of been a work in progress for quite a bit now but I really appreciate your input, I think I will do that. So during the second half have it swell some more with noise and put diminish the vocals a bit I will work on that. I wanted to retain a sameness of feel but I agree it could use some extra variation. Would you say the first half feels thin? And that with the second half you were expecting the sound to thicken?

 

I'm not sure it feels 'thin' or that I'd like it to thicken. The sounds in general feel a bit harsh to me... early on it felt like the synths really dominated and were mixed almost uncomfortably high or harshly, and then in the second half I felt like the song started to move as it pulsed faster and I think I heard a distant beat but the vocal seemed to get louder...

 

I think the mix needs a bit of a balancing act... needs to be spread out more to be a wider sound, mess with the levels and eq until it sounds crisp and slick rather than so in-your-face, and then as the song develops I'd like to hear a beat coming through properly rather than distantly. But all just my opinion.

 

I think a good step would be to use a reference track when you mix... find a production by an artist which suits this, and try to just mix it to match the general way things are mixed (obviously not to change the song to match anyone else), just for general direction .... Not that we can expect to match professional studio productions exactly, or that we should 'copy' anything, but it just helps to listen to how things are balanced, eq'd and so on.... and I'm just not talented enough to be able to say exactly pan this here, reduce this frequency there, turn this up and that down, do this, that and the other ;) I just feel like the mix needs work generally so that it feels good to me....and as the song goes on, I'm itching for it to get me moving.

 

 

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Tahva13    7
1 minute ago, MonoStone said:

 

I'm not sure it feels 'thin' or that I'd like it to thicken. The sounds in general feel a bit harsh to me... early on it felt like the synths really dominated and were mixed almost uncomfortably high or harshly, and then in the second half I felt like the song started to move as it pulsed faster and I think I heard a distant beat but the vocal seemed to get louder...

 

I think the mix needs a bit of a balancing act... needs to be spread out more to be a wider sound, mess with the levels and eq until it sounds crisp and slick rather than so in-your-face, and then as the song develops I'd like to hear a beat coming through properly rather than distantly. But all just my opinion.

 

I think a good step would be to use a reference track when you mix... find a production by an artist which suits this, and try to just mix it to match the general way things are mixed (obviously not to change the song to match anyone else), just for general direction .... Not that we can expect to match professional studio productions exactly, or that we should 'copy' anything, but it just helps to listen to how things are balanced, eq'd and so on.... and I'm just not talented enough to be able to say exactly pan this here, reduce this frequency there, turn this up and that down, do this, that and the other ;) I just feel like the mix needs work generally so that it feels good to me....and as the song goes on, I'm itching for it to get me moving.

 

 

 

Okay awesome! Yeah, I've been using Audacity and this was probably my first time messing around with mixing thanks for the tips though... spread out and wider xD. Add a beat to the second half, eq to where the synths sound less harsh and sharp. Reference tracks, any other tips for mixing and how long have you been mixing yourself. I've just started and usually I got to a recording studio in my town where they have engineers do that for you. The synth is plain as it was recorded and I could definitely work on eqing it better and probably get it to the point I wanted it.

Let's talk lyrics, what meaning did you ascribe to them? Also I've thought about making the song just a little faster and I suppose more dancy but the track was mainly supposed to be thought provoking, however adding a groove to it wouldn't be a bad thing at all. It was largely inspired by Kraftwerk's The Robots. I'ma remix it and redo it and see what I can come up with.

Thanks for the critique, it felt like something was missing and I think you've got it.

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MonoStone    915
5 minutes ago, Tahva13 said:

 

Okay awesome! Yeah, I've been using Audacity and this was probably my first time messing around with mixing thanks for the tips though... spread out and wider xD. Add a beat to the second half, eq to where the synths sound less harsh and sharp. Reference tracks, any other tips for mixing and how long have you been mixing yourself. I've just started and usually I got to a recording studio in my town where they have engineers do that for you. The synth is plain as it was recorded and I could definitely work on eqing it better and probably get it to the point I wanted it.

Let's talk lyrics, what meaning did you ascribe to them? Also I've thought about making the song just a little faster and I suppose more dancy but the track was mainly supposed to be thought provoking, however adding a groove to it wouldn't be a bad thing at all. It was largely inspired by Kraftwerk's The Robots. I'ma remix it and redo it and see what I can come up with.

Thanks for the critique, it felt like something was missing and I think you've got it.

Meaning - I'd need time to think on that. But I recently watched some footage of some new robots...and felt weirdly sorry for the way they were treated...which means they're already getting attributes which trigger emotional response in us...which is a bit scary. 

 

Mixing - If you plan to have it redone in a studio then I guess there's no need to polish the mix, but maybe just a bit so that you get the feel you want.... if you haven't already (since my opinion shouldn't sway you... It's whatever feels good to you). I've been mixing a few years, but I don't consider myself to be anything close to an expert...I still make a mess sometimes and find help here. Comment on several tracks by others here and you'll find plenty of help in return :) 

 

 

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Jenn    257

I think you have a really interesting song here... Your vocal melodies are interesting and appropriate for the song

I read on your introduction that you're only 19?!?! incredible!!!!

I think the change at 2:36 should have came at 2:00, as my ears were getting a little tired of the repitition

 

3:00 you have something really good going on! but I think you could make things more face paced.. like making the synth that starts the song.. the vrooooooom one, maybe making it quarter notes or something. something... like 5:40 is "moving" enough for me

 

at 4:00, I feel like you could bring in a bass line or something

Just what I think, of course

 

I actually really like this track and if you mix it accordingly, it could really be good

I'm genuinely excited to see what else you come up with :)

welcome to the forum 

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symphonious7    206

Are the sounds you're using midi?  It sounds like they could use to be quantized, was noticing a lot of places where the syncopation seemed to be off in the beginning.  The way you've instrumentized this makes me think of Devo and I LOVE that band hahaha.  Your voice is pretty good, might could sing with a bit more emotion but it's pretty much there.  I really like the chorus section, cool lyric too!  "the truth about your maker" really hits!  I think this sounds small mix wise, it's just kinda... tinker toy like, but I got no clue what you'd do to it lol  Your sounds are separated nicely, everything is there really.  After the chorus section I'm feeling a bit bored cause I think I"m wanting more at this point.  It was JUST through that short verse though, soon as you went back to the chorus I was with you again.   Love the echo vocals.  (about your maker, about your makerrrrr) 

 

You know what MIGHT help this mix?  Is some reverb.  It may be that the sounds are just so dry they're making me think of fisher price toys, maybe some reverb would make it sound more... musical.   That's my take anyway, for the most part I just thought it was a unique and interesting song!

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HoboSage    1,997

FWIW, I totally lost interest during the intro and bailed out with the first "bleep" sound at the 0:23 mark.

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