bronzerebel

I tried to do something a little different with this one, it may seem dragged on a little but I really like it - rebel I hate not having any patience I hate the look in they faces I hate waking up to freshly cooked bacon and feeling like its summer vacation I hate that I can't do math equations I hate that all I'm good at is rap and shaving I hate how creativities dieing and it's contagious I hate how everybody's mistaken I hate a the expectations I hate obligations and empty revolvers I hate crooked cops with crooked glocks shooting at trapped ballers I hate being big then getting even smaller I hate politics and the value of the dollar I hate not having any honour I hate disappointing my father I hate being sad and not being able to call her I hate anxiety and my lungs getting full of water I hate when sounds of happiness sounding like sounds of the slaughter break I love the sound of angels blowing wind in my ears I love having no wheel and still being able to steer I love being so lost that I can't even hear I love taking off my mask and showing all my tears I love long talks to make it all clear I love new beginnings and knowing the end is near I love driving off the peer and being scared of the fall I love cold air making my goosebumps crawl I love when everything dies after the summer and leaves the trees appalled I love wondering where I belong or why I'm even here at all I love dropping the ball I love tears on my sleeves letting my know that I can feel at all I loved her but I love that I can't call I love to hate cuz without it I couldn't rap at all Rebel

Something that's really important in rap is to have an end goal to build on throughout you while verse. You have that but it'd be dope to see longer verses maybe something like 32 bars with some added complexity. Keep it up homie

This shits dope man. My only critique would be to try to keep your rhyme scheme more consistent in the first verse. Maybe even try to use more metaphors and shit. But that could just be your writing style so I might just be talking out my ass haha. Keep it up homie

I've been trying to work on my flow and content more lately and these 2 verses are what came out. Don't be scared to give feedback This rap shits gunna make instability in my home/ Trapped in a curse, but do you think Davie Jones just let motherf*ckers go?/ If Mother Nature doesn't let the homeless miss the snow/ then the f*ck are the chances of not lettin' Mufasa hit the floor?/ Too many scars in my kingdom so the pen won't let go/ Little kids wondering if gettin' paid shows/ I'm just a kid lookin' for good grades to show/ Paintin' myself with no ears like Vincent Van Gogh/ Cuz I ain't hearin' shit about CEOs/ All I want is 300 entendres down low for where I'm goin'/ Murder an entire army with 300 flows so you can watch me roamin'/ The only rebel writer poet tryin' reunite the stars with his hands/ The moon ain't gunna light right after my palms land/ Cuz the night gon go to black from white after Aphrodite's rings get jammed/ Imma f*ck the whole universe up just like my earthly plan/ Make the planets my shadow after I let my wings span/ Show my crooked smile like the theory of man/ Spat excellence back into gods face before I ran/ Spat bars of fire like motherf*ckers locked up in Sudan/ Spat another 16 after I land about how's life's just tragic/ Saw a rabbit in my peripheral and chased him for his magic/ Just to show that my words ain't too drastic/ That I spit 5 stars and only write instant classics/ Rippin' emcees brains and let it ooze out like plastic/ Leave blood on my name against the grain even if it's too graphic/ Rebel A shot to the time I only rhymed during the day to forget bout my gpa/ To when my parents asked what I was gon be and didn't know what to say/ To when I was halfway and still didn't know what to say/ Like "son what happened to gettin' paid?"/ Sorry mom but we have to see if rappin' lets my soul gets saved/ Cuz Imma spit till judgement day/ Till my skull cracks and my fingers break/ Till the bats fly out my brain and my cave caves/ Till after the ice age cuz hell gon freeze over before I worry more about my wage/ So pass me another rag/ cuz I just broke Daniels neck after my lyin' tamed/ Used his fur to get burned cuz a heart ain't got flame/ I shiver under the moon waitin' for a ladder so I can leave for as long as half my age/ Half my page/ For about half my rage/ To right my wrongs to make minimum wage/ for 5 days/ Just so they can see that breaking creativity equals no degree/ No room for A's and B's/ Enough to make you see that rappin' makes him happy/ Without a smile he just be a circle with 2 dots covered in yellow/ Coverin' his own ass just to run with the devil/ They say sinnin' is selfish desire so watch me sin on a societal level/ So sorry mom and dad but bury expectation with a shovel/ Cuz when I die my obituary's gunna say writer/rapper/rebel/

Life's just a game and I'm looking for Lois Lane Cuz she lost her super main and she's injecting to ease the pain Yeah Clarke skipped out when she started to pick out baby names Now he's gettin' brains from Halle while his x is trying to stay sane How could he do that to a woman, leave her crying in the rain Taking away her whole world when he felt the same But on his planet there ain't no dames and if crypton was still around he'd f*ckin be ashamed So now the s on his chest is stained and all he's just a f*ckin' coward in a cape All the power in the world and still gettin' lost in fame Turning his head from rape while Lois puts that anaesthetic in her veins Mentally drained; thoughts of super baby's turning into super maybes and stocking up on lead Cuz Clarks rolling with the crips tonight not stocking up on red Her addiction is fed her world is dead She's hanging the rope over the bed Then the symphony stops and Lois Lane is dying over Clarke Kent

Just wrote this verse to the picnic version of 3005 on Childish Gambino's new EP. It's written similar to the first verse he spits on the secret track that was found so it helps to listen it -rebel https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bliZBJ3tr4s Young thing in Atlanta how you livin' Young thing on her knees yeah she sinnin' But she ain't winnin' (Speed up) Made her cry I guess I ain't that good with women Said what I meant girl I wasn't kiddin' Didn't text her back when she asked me how I'm livin' Sayin' she loves me "why don't you just give in" Girl I'm to childish The flights to your eyes will cause too much mileage then you'll just cry while I site here in silence (Slow down)But she sings like "do do do do do dooo" Gettin' lost in my mind again I'll trade this pen for your hand and we can run away like kids again I'll never make you cry again You can be my Vicodin

Just a 12 bar that I wrote, I've been working on getting a starting point in a verse then pushing a finishing idea at the end of my verses. Would appreciate some feedback - rebel All I want is to live forever that's I always be askin god for immortality Yeah all I hear is thunder when I scream; is that his way of showin me his animosity? Or his way of denying me entry into Ra's philosophy? My only wish but ironically I always be holdin my breath cuz this life could end in a heartbeat But if I die I'm going to hell, or at least that's what she keeps tellin me Like my souls going to gravitate down beneath like the devils who I'm gunna meet Little does she know you need a soul for the Grimm reaper to reap So god just keep me on this earth, I'm beggin' you just hear my plea I'll even sacrifice my Clyde, give up my Bonnie just for neither of you to ever meet me Homie I ain't scared to say my biggest fear be losing my gravity I know I ain't the biggest believer in Christianity I know that whenever I be a sayin' a prayer a motherf*cker be doing it selfishly But promise me if I ain't worthy of this immortality that you can at least grant the capacity for a rebel to keep his sanity

Yeah this actually really helps, you blew my shit outta the water homie! Thanks for the feedback man I'll keep working at it

What's good everyone? I've been on sing stuff for and a while now and it's pretty dope to see a hip hop only section. This is just something quick that I write and some feedback would be cool - rebel Yeah I'm just tired of shining bright so when I burn out just put me at the bottom of the sea But the sad part is that I'm goin' in so blind that I don't know where Imma be Getting to the gates so early, homie too bad I lost the p Yeah I looked god in the eyes and I still couldn't even see He just gave me a stern look, they told him that it was my time but he disagreed He just pointed his finger in anger like I just took the fall for Eve Then he just threw me away, let me fall in the Eve No he didn't even recycle, he just threw me back into this world of transparency He laughed and said "when you fall you're going back to the top cuz stars can't go under a tree" Then put me on the peak and laughed while he stomped on the fallen leaves Yelling that he's just crushin' my problems to give me some reprieve Shakin' his fist at my right side so the devil on my shoulder would flee Then he promised that he'll meet me for real one day, glued this pen to my hand when I didn't agree Then he gave me his 10 digits, told me to call him if someone ever said my success be a monopoly Gave me a direct line so I could reach him properly Screamin' my heart into a speaker, yeah a rebel's prophecy

What's good everybody? I don't have enough experience spitting over beats and I really think it would help my writing ability. I've tried making my own and wasn't successful so since there's so many talented people on here I was wondering if anyone has any dl links to any beats that I could spit over, thanks -rebel

And different and indifferent aren't rhyming on purpose. I just like the wordplay, like "this bitch is different" but then "she'll make you feel INdifferent" see what I mean?

Thanks for the feedback symphonious

Thanks for the feedback guys

Hahaha do you have any actual critique for this justsoulin?

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