omenrama

I would like to see you: find a subject; research the subject; write an outline (focusing on the end); and stick to it. It might help to give your lyrics a sense of direction or purpose. I like to come up with titles that will then inform the lyrical journ. When I have found a title; I read and take notes on that particular subject. When beginning I say to myself: "All filler lines will be removed before or during punch up"

It is very hard on the eyes.

Thank you, I made it with some gospel/soul record samples and a bunch of other loops of which I cant remember the source material.

Thank you. Here is a link to the finished song if you are interested. http://omenrama.tumblr.com/post/95063154028 or https://soundcloud.com/omenrama/wax-for-my-wounds

Here are the verses I wrote for a song I am recording titled; "Wax For My Wounds" Verse 1 Mad was I to forebear / Gone / Now / As the wine / Drink / Coalesce / Thou sprangeth not whence thine person / My father never cared / Barrows / Let’s pack these travels shared / Arrows / Pare a linen / Cicatrice / Airs afoul / Here for now / Gone the next / Again I find myself here thinking / Why you clean the mess / To repeat myself again / Chorus 4X Hey baby / I'm running out of patience / Verse 2 I stay for that which might change / Fear / Doubt / Loss of time / Grief / My self-perception / Everyday is another sad memory / So much so that I can’t think of anything / Else that had com before you and I / Made it official / A marriage of hell / And the remedy / For the sane of mind / And will to live / My worried mother’s plea / And all my father’s sin / I’ve given all I can / You’ve taken long enough / The sight of ribbon’s end / My patience wearing thin / This hate I want not of / For here we know the blood / A wax for open wounds / And the mourning of flesh thereof / To let you know I’m done with waiting for you / Chorus 4X Hey baby / I'm running out of patience /

Was this written without music?

It's very difficult to grasp the rhythm. Maybe it's the way you have formatted the piece. Here is a few changes, let me know if it helps:) Other wise I dig your progression.The subject matter screams for some research so as to give it some layer and weight. Did you write this to a beat? If you did, the changes I have made might not sync perfectly. All I want is to live forever I ask god for immortality Now all I hear is thunder To show me his animosity

"I litter words in lateral thirds like seven-sided dice" I really like this line; It rolls of the tongue nicely. A well thought out narrative within rap is rare because: 1. Most writers in this genre are freeform 2.Storytelling requires an attention span of more than 5 minutes 3. Research and preparation is virtually absent from the genre

Dope:) I would like to hear you completely flush out a specific concept or idea from beginning to end. I watched the (something from nothing docu) when it was released; I recently watched it and ,(I think it was Grandmaster Caz), that gave me a common sense idea that really helped with my consistency in concept and narrative. He began with the ending. he asked, "Where do you want your rhyme to end up?". Knowing where you want to go helps one to not stray so much when writing. When writing mostly freeform, it feels as though we are constricting ourselves when we try out disciplined writing.

The first two lines have the word lyrically in them. It makes it sound lazy. Anyway, this feels like some good old offspring angst. Parents just don't understand:)

Yeah, sorry about that

This is a quick sketch up of an idea. It's really just me getting in some practice. Maybe someone can help me visualize the rhythm/delivery/pauses/stresses etc. I am going to try and do it but I really need help with this. I think recording just the verse and posting it here would help you to help me. The subject is (very loosely) about : convincing one of an idea through rhetoric. Through The Garden As I show you, Through the garden. You stay (short pause) blind to the roses. Knew the baths and fount of marble Naught the mirror-self in the potion. Symposia through liana vines Whispers onto the arbor Bottles into the harbor Marvel here at the martyr Latticework thorns a colonnade Shade as we motion forward Down to the theater's stage. East where the hedges raise Near evening to be reborn From a maze.

"I think you have a good rhyme scheme, but I think the story needs more fluency. It seems a tad broken up in sub stories and thoughts" I have such a hard time with this problem and have begun to remedy this by doing an outline before writing.

You don't have to write to music, It doesn't have to be a "16", It's not about wordplay, it doesn't have to always rhyme - it's about being loose and getting your idea/emotion across in a way that your satisfied and comfortable with. Not a single person I ask (including myself) can define what a rap is or what it is in the form that makes it a rap. "I loved him for forever…. Until that day came. He couldn’t decide whether or not he wanted to give me his name." This sounded like some golden era rhyme:)

doesn't freeman mean something like peasant.