psyve

Thank you, glad you liked these... Both of these works are from the early 80's.... they illustrated two songs of mine in my songbook. I used rotring drafting pens, rotring black drafting ink, and a medium thickness paint brush that I had lying around. The more abstract artwork accompanied my song "Holding Hands" https://fb.watch/fY6LGGUGPE/ while the one with the "orange moon" accompanied my song "Best of Friends"

Most of my artwork was directed towards illustrating my own songs. Here are two examples of my artwork from the early 80s.... Pen, brush and ink on paper. Psyve

Early 1978.... had recently turned 20.... this was at the NOSPLAN 78 function at the School of Planning and Architecture, New Delhi. I was a student of Architecture back then

TO A BLIND FRIEND © Cyrus Dali Vesuvala She's not important anymore: Things didn’t go the way that she foresaw- See her lying on the floor Can't hurt her more… Words can't tell you how she feels… She caught the wrong end of your deals- You only need her for your thrills And feels… To see the original artwork from my songbook click on the small image below. To hear the song click in the link below: http://soundcloud.com/psyve/to-a-blind-friend

I like the sentiment you express here. And the imagery you use of bodies of water trapped behind eyelids that act as a dam... ever in danger of bursting! I thought the use of the counterpoint of "fire" was a nice touch. I also thought this one had a nice in-built rhythm to it which is always good if you are ever thinking of looking at this as a lyric (for music to be written to, and sung,) as against pure... poetry. Your verse 2, for example, reads like a classical 3/4 time signature in music, with 4 bars of 3 beats each per bar making up a phrase (line) and four phrases to the verse. The first beat of every bar is stressed. Thus it might read something like this, if one were to think of it as a lyric put to music (Be-) hi-ind my / eye lids lie/ bodies of / water (dah) / Puddles and / la-akes and / riv ers and / se-eas (dah)/ Rippling and / raging and / slapping the / shore over-/ -flow-ing my/ mi-ind but /never set / free (dah- dah.) Of course there are many many different ways to put a lyric to music, and this is just one interpretation. Anyway, just wanted to say, I enjoyed this one. Psyve

Rod, Very interesting. I am completely illiterate as to most formal forms of "poetry" . Working to a set of predetermined rules, but not making it sound mechanical, interests me a lot. Good job with this one. -P

True, Jim. We are all manipulated, whether we know it or not, by what we see, read and hear in the media: the media, more often than not, shapes the truth as we know it. Unfortunately, with all the mis-information out there, it sometimes becomes very difficult to separate fact from fiction. Nice little poem. Take it the last word is "led"... (minor typo "le"). Cheers Psyve

I like the concentration of the mind that writing this must have involved. Not only have you spelt out the title in the first letters of each line, but you have acheived a VERY interesting rhyming scheme for your lines too in the process. Very structured. Very interesting. Not sure I understood what a lot of your imagery referred to, (for example how your opening line fits into the New York milieu, but that's probably just my different (read "not too" ) literary and geographic background... Enjoyed this nonetheless, albeit more so for its unusual mechanics. -Psyve

Jim, Agree with Rod: this brought out beautifully the serenity of having nothing in ones mind , the absence of all thoughts.... Nicely said. Am not familiar with On Walden Pond, but do get... and appreciate... the play on words here. Again, the lyricist in me would, with the greatest respect, suggest you may want to reconsider some of your lines for meter and cadence. For example: I went to the woods where it was serene Where only nature did abound. I sought to seek out my deepest thoughts (I'd lose a syllable here: perhaps replace "seek out" with "find"?) With only silence around. (I'd add "all" before "around" as, for me, that would put the stressed syllables back in the correct places) I sat cross-legged on the ground In the coolness of that shaded spot I found (I'd Consider deleting "shaded" to retain the meter) Was just the rustling of the leaves in the trees ( Far too many syllables in this line: I'd go for "Just a rustling in the trees") And one lone bumble bee. (Consider replacing "lone" with "single" to get the meter back) The bee flew off and the rustling stopped Leaving me in total silence lost. -Psyve

Rod, That was amazing. I just figured out the very complex rule of this poem Lines 2 and 4 of the preceeding verse becomes lines 1 and 3 of the next verse. This was a wonderfully controlled exercise in creative writing. Well done. If I had any suggestion it would have had to be that I would have liked lines 2 and 4 of the last verse to have been interchanged because that would have brought you back a perfect whole circle, and verse 1 would follow perfectly logically off that. Would you like to consider that or is this part of the rules to ending this particular format of poem? -Psyve

Thank you, Rod, that is very kind of you. Appreciate your taking the time to read and comment. -Psyve

Contrary to others before me, I enjoyed the vagueness of your lines... that made me conjour up my own images ... which is the really intellectually stimulating part of poetry/ lyrics for me. It may need a little more work , but if I were you, I wouldn't explain it...wouldnt want it to be made crystal clear. That becomes story telling, not poetry. What you have here, now, is poetry. -Psyve

Read your poem, enjoyed it. Know the feeling all too well though. Thank you for the invitation to join you on PP. Unfortunately, with my other comitments, I cannot currently commit to anything new that needs regular input or attention. I look forward to seeing you here from time to time, though, if I may. Cheers, Psyve.

That's a coincidence.... See my avatar (above left) Talk about having a syncing feeling... LOL -Psyve

Jim, alas, I guess I'm just grass dry and withering... perhaps this (click below) expains my dithering... BLOCK AND TACKLE © Cyrus Dali Vesuvala And though the world is coming ‘round, This old heart says I’ve sinned… Sit here breaking no new ground, I’m only breaking wind, But, in the grand tradition, I burn the midnight lamp, And sit here, poised with pen in hand: An imperious knight, With a serious Writer’s Cramp… With miles to go before I reach The city of my dreams, Where poets walk the streets and each Writes poetry by the reams; Yet, in the corner where I stand The ticking of the clock Reminds me, poised, with pen in hand, Of a serious, mysterious Writer’s Block… Words that do not flow, but mock And add to all my fears… How then shall I tame this block And tackle all this passing of the years? Forsaken by the living and Mistaken for a rock, I sit here, poised with pen in hand, And a serious, mysterious Writer’s Block…

As have I with several of my songs. :-)

I see that , like me, you enjoy both uses of your pen: the written word AND the drawn line.

Jim, Very nice indeed. Very tranquil, yet very much alive to the moment. I think you conveyed the sense of tranquility among the mangroves very well. Loved the drawing too, by the way. You referred to it as " pen and ink" but the artwork has a "pencil-on-cartridge paper" like quality to my eye for some reason... Is that caused by Photoshop / Picasa software at work? Psyve

Thank you, Jim. Glad you liked both. Appreciate your taking the time. -Psyve

This is my first offering on the Poetry page For those who may be interested, please click on the image icon below the poem to see the original artwork that accompanied this short poem in my lyrics book. -Psyve CHOICE © Cyrus Dali Vesuvala At this psychological moment, Curiously cut off from the gyrating frenzy around me, When all that remains Is a tantalising memory Of the cool roundness Of an upper arm Closely held on a darkened floor In some distant time past- Dark eyes under weighted lids, And a half-smile on an upturned face… I catch myself wondering: Just suppose… Given the choice again… Would I…? And then the girl across the table Leans over, bemused, Waves five fingers under my nose, And says: “ Dance?†…And the spell is broken…

Thank you, Jim, Appreciate your invitation... not sure I have the ability to comit to any regular weekly challanges, but I will try to post and critique here as and when I am able.

First of all, I wanted to say I enjoyed this poem. The clever twist in the end was nicely done. I see that you seem to pretty much lead the poetry section, so you definitely know more about poetry than I do, as a simple songwriter. My own observations below are offered with the greatest of respect so please feel free to take whatever works for you and ignore the rest. The meter you seem to have gone for here is an 8 syllable first line followed by a six syllable second line (with two blank spaces making it an 8 syllable line too… but the last two are silent) and repeating the pattern. This cadence is similar to that in, say, Wordsworth’s “Solitary Reaper†: Behold her, single in the field,………………. (8 syllables) Yon solitary Highland Lass (da-da)………….(6 Syllables…â€Solitary†being pronounced as 2 syllables) Reaping and singing by herself……………. (8 syllables) Stop here, or gently pass (da-da) …………. (6 syllables) As a songwriter, meter and cadence are often of prime concern to me and as I read this poem, I stumbled at a few places on meter. I also had a couple of other suggestions so I thought I’d share a songwriter’s perspective on this: I'm at peace tonight in my mistress’ arms My head upon her breast (I suggest use of the singular ‘â€breast†rather than the plural “breastsâ€. Rhymes better with “chest†too.) I feel the gentle rise and fall Matched breaths within my chest. I hear the words she does not speak Her whispers soft and low As if our souls and minds are one I feel the passions flow. I turn my head, reach out my hand And stroke my sweet wife's head. A lucky man indeed am I That they both share my bed. (This line needed 4 syllables less… perhaps something like this? ) I lie here thinking ‘bout these two (I’d suggest use of “lie†instead of “lay†and “here†instead of “there†to keep the present tense and sense of immediacy going. Also losing a syllable by changing “about†to “ ‘bout †) So close, yet both so far. (This line had 12 or 13 syllables: it needs exactly 6 …perhaps something like this?) And neither asks a thing from me This line needs 8 syllables. Perhaps something like this? I gaze up at the stars. My mistress has an unpredictable streak This line needs 8 syllables. This one has 11. Needs a rethink? Most times she's quiet and warm But pushed too hard against her will Becomes a raging storm. This line needed only 6 syllables. Maybe lose the “She†like this? My wife is sometimes like that too This line needed 8 syllables. Perhaps something like this? I've learned the warning signs This line needed only 6 syllables. Perhaps losing the “But†helps? Discovered just how far to go This line needed only 8 syllables. Perhaps losing the “I’ve†helps? (With) my mistress and my wife. I’m not ashamed to say I need Them both to feel fulfilled They feed two different sides of me Where one cant, the other will. So, I lie here lost in this menage a trois (With) my mistress and my wife. (Needs a new 8 syllable line here) (Needs a new 6 syllable line here) I'm lucky to have the both of them I love their every motion. My wife, of course, she is my wife. My mistress, she's the Ocean.

Emily, A sentiment that many of us have felt , I'm sure, and quite beautifully put. Song or poem, it doesnt matter to me: the content is strong and well conceived. The imagery of dice being un-rolled is interesting: like a movie played backwards. "Unbreak my Heart" by Toni Braxton comes to mind A point to think about: the word "unroll" has another more common meaning (something done to a roll of cloth or paper) so the title actually brought up a different imagery for me till i realised it was a play on the word. Like " Un-break my heart..." Good job. Psyve

Joel, Listened to your song. Thought it was very tightly performed and professionally produced. Enjoyed the listen. Would've liked to be able to read the lyrics while listening. For me that always adds to the experience. Good luck with your musical career, and welcome to the board. Psyve

Proud Mary - CCR