Song Opinions Needed.

[booksandguitars]

And here it is. Many thanks peeps.

 

 

LYRICS:

 

Time, will never wait for you

but I, will always wait for you

Dont be seduced by all you cannot feel

Only what you've got you can call real

 

Its there

in all that you are

and all that you wanted

is there in your arms

Can see by your smile

that all that you need

is there at your feet

A beautiful soul is what you mean to me

 

Time, will never let you down

but time, will never let you out

you mean something to someone, just a thought

don't forget to look at all you've got

 

Its there

in all that you are

and all that you wanted

is there in your arms

Can see by your smile

that all that you need

is there at your feet

A beautiful soul is what you mean to me

Edited May 1, 2013 by tunesmithth
switched link to screen display version & added lyrics

[booksandguitars]

Hi guys

Apologies for my amateur approach. Was not my intention to rub anyone up the wrong way.

The link works for me, my YouTube channel is booksandguitars and that's where my song is at. Perhaps it's something to do with me posting from a mobile device.

Anyway I will review my post when I can get to a computer. Apologies again and thanks for the advice Tom.

[booksandguitars]

Thanks so much guys, for the record here are the lyrics. 

 

Time, will never wait for you

but I, will always wait for you

Dont be seduced by all you cannot feel

Only what you've got you can call real

 

Its there

in all that you are

and all that you wanted 

is there in your arms

Can see by your smile 

that all that you need

is there at your feet 

A beautiful soul is what you mean to me

 

 

Time, will never let you down

but time, will never let you out

you mean something to someone, just a thought

don't forget to look at all you've got

 

 

Its there

in all that you are

and all that you wanted 

is there in your arms

Can see by your smile 

that all that you need

is there at your feet 

A beautiful soul is what you mean to me

 

 

 

I listened to the song.

 

Not bad, on a general level. I felt the way the lyrics are delivered caused the song to drag a bit. I had trouble staying interested in the tune all the way to the end.

 

I think a full band treatment would help this song a lot. As a one plus one, it lacks "umph"... I also think it needs changes... the kind that lift the listener out of the rut the verses leave them in. A chorus, or bridge/chorus, that really changed the dynamic in the energy level of the song would make this pop.

 

There's a singer there, and a song writer, and some decent guitar strumming. So the basic skills are there.

 

But, I guess this just feels like the beginning of a song idea, not a finished product. With a lot of work, there's a pretty cool tune here, but in my opinion, there is still  along way to go to get it to that point.

 

 

Thanks Rob, I agree with all you say. Do you think its at all worth hitting the chorus after:

 

Time will never wait for you

But I will always wait for you?

 

So dropping the second 2 lines of the verse?

[Musico Nova]

Time, will never wait for you

but I, will always wait for you

Yes, but some one you earn in life by way of good deeds do so, Deep thought but said with different flavor...