Quick Verse For Rap Compitition. Bb(Our Deepest Fear)

[LyricallyGifted]

Our Deepest Fear Is Not That We are inadequate

Our Deepest Fear Is That We are Powerful Beyond Measure

It is Our Light, Not our darkness that most frightens us.

 

 

 

Either i express myself or i live dead

sentence to 25 to life in this Muuhafkin head

is it something that i said or something that i did ?

cuz i cant seem to wake from this nightmare

scared to fight fair cuz they might stair

even though my problems are exactly like theirs

But They don't wanna hear it

but this page i wont clear it

Success i must be near it

Beacause i know i merit

someone to listen cuz the shit that i'm spittin

is iller than a mental condition

and realer than anything anyone has ever written

so when you see me , don't bother saying hi

cuz i'm too busy waving at my life as it passes me by 

Dont know what failing is , cuz i dont got the balls to try

maybe ill get one word in by the time that i die.

 

 

Could really use a few suggestion on content and structure

thank you

LyricallyGifted.

[TheRunaway]

You did a good job keeping consistent theme in this and staying on track. Though it feels like it could be longer you did a good job with your flow and delivery

[THEHOUND]

good work...short like mine..can always add to it...check mine out..good job

[Leupo Ishai]

second line of second verse could do without the first "to" and just change "sentence" to "sentenced". also could be a little more consistent in content. you go from having the most real shit ever written and having to be near to success to not having the balls to try and having life pass you by

[wespitrecords]

i like it man. its deep. you got bars man.

[LyricallyGifted]

Thanks man 

apreciate it !

if you wanna har some vocals check me out at http://www.smule.com/BeenRadical