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Story time


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A first try to writing a storytelling rap.

Feeback appreciated.

 

Met him at young age
Never seen someone like him
He had such passion
No problem unfaced

He grew up on his own
Never got the love grown
By his parents, no family
Mom drank, dad did a felony

But he was light hearted
He didn't carry hatred
Never got rewarded
(Knew him at kindergarten)

When we grew older
Like every one got bolder
He had the best friends
But even with them tense




Many relations
But none with good foundations
2 months, fights came
But never seen him complain

He kept calm
His parents were at blame
He didn't have shame
Life was one big game

After a while we didn't hear
Were he was? Far or near
Physically okay
But mentally far away

He didn't came in town
All he did was frown
Life was pulling him down
Knocked down like a sad clown




At this moment we realised
That he just was terrified
To become like his father
A bum, demoralized

It was then on the verge of life
That we invaded his place
Needle pinpointed at place
Ready to turn back to base

It felt better so
Returning to the eternal playground
He couldn't let down
On all the people in town

Room dirty, mold on the walls
The smell was unbearable
With a quick look he did the unthinkable

Stood up and smiled
Like a lunatic too a child
It was then it came to his mind
He lost the fight

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It's an interesting concept. Not sure if it flows the best, but I've never been good with any flow that isn't chopping. Subject matter is pretty good, though.

 

I would change the bit where you say "Life was pulling him down/Knocked down like a sad clown" to not have down repeated like that, but that's me being picky.

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