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Fact or Fiction(Finished)


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VERSE 1

 

Fact or fiction I'll leave you in the    past.
Like I'm ditchin class.
That's a fact because I don't know how to act.
I live with a bunch of drug addicts who love to smack.
Their lips and act like no one is listenin.
I react by sittin back and wishin.
That I could go back to when there wasn't so much opposition.
This position has led me to be malnutrition.
It feels like a curse but I just spit a verse.
And everything seems to disburse.
From my conscious.
Let's be honest.
You don't know what's racing through my oddest.
f*cked up personal conscious.
I am really self-conscious.
Of the continuous nonsense.
I don't think of the consequences.
Of my obnoxious responses. 
I've never had a guilty conscious.
Because half the time I am semi-conscious.
From all of the pills I be poppin.


Chorus

 

If you could be in my shoes for just 1 day you will realize it's hard to say.
I love you in every shape and way.
Upside down and beatin down in so many ways.
Buy atleast I know the path I wanna take.
On my knees I pray everyday, bless me lord and show me the way.
Before it's to late and I can't find a way out of this place.

 

Verse 2
 

   I could tip over the edge .
like the movie over the hedge.
I'm a squirrel your a nut Imma dig up old hurt.
And slam you in the dirt.
Then dig you back up when I'm ready for my desert.
Idk what led me to wanna tip toe to the ledge.
In a blink of an eye.
You could be tied up in all of the lies.
And left behind as a chalked outline .
I'm not gonna lie I personally intellectually don't find this fine.
Your a faggot who stands with your tail between your legs and acts all dramatic.
So stop with all the static
Before I transform back into and addict.
If I do I'll rip you up and store you in my attic.
I don't run or hide behind a bamboo fence.
I don't give a f*ck what you sense.
Imma just give you my true 2 sense.
That's full of dense knowledge.
Because I'm on my way to graduate from college. 
And your stuck in a 5th grader's knowledge. 
I'm like a burnt fry there's no goin back to being nice.
I add a little spice.
To the Everyday life.
There's a little spike.
When I add my own flavors of life.
It's like a knife is removed my heart.
It feels likes it's ready to start.
Back up again to begin a new life.

 

Chorus 2

 

If you could be in my shoes for just one day
You will realize it's hard to say
I love you in every shape and way. 
Upside down and beatin to the ground in so many ways.
But at least I know the pathway I wanna take. 
On my knees I pray everyday, bless me lord and show me the way. 
Before it's to late and i can't 
Find a way out of the place.

 

Verse 3

 

I stand on my boulder.
Head High with broad shoulders.
Because I know who I am a man.
with a plan.
To take whatever they said I could have.
And I will settle for nothing half.
No one can take this.
You will have to kill me before you rake it up and take it.
That's all I am sayin.
Now show me you ain't playin. 
And do what you were sayin.
Shut up and listen to my order. 
Your the peasant in the present and I'm your master with your casket.
You can diss me with whatever you may say.
But I gotta warn you that will be a big mistake.
It will be the last thing you will be able to say.
And you'll be left in dismay.
This is the first day of May.
6 days before my birthday.
So you better get me a cake to eat and not hurt me.
Or I'll beat you when your 23. 
Replace the 2 with a 3, and 3 with a 2.
And that's the age you were f*ckin beatin Me too.

 

Chorus/Outro

 

If you could be in my shoes for just 1 day.
You will realize it's hard to say.
I love you in every shape and way.
Upside down and beatin down in so many ways,
But at least I know the path I wanna take.
On my knees I pray everyday.
Bless me lord and show me the way.
Before it's to late and I can't find a way out of this place.
Lord save me from the darkest days.

 

 

Not sure what type of beat yet, add any suggestions if you have any,thanks!

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Hey Alex, good song, your rhyming skills are good and I like the first verse - it's quite strong.

 

But I think some of the rhymes in other verses are just put in there to rhyme (I could be wrong) like :

 

"If you could be in my shoes for just one day
You will realize it's hard to say
I love you in every shape and way."

 

it could be just me but I don't get how love came into the song - seems quite different compared to the rest of the chorus and verses.

 

Otherwise, good job, keep it up :),

 

Anonymous9

 

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Sick! Dude you worked on your structure, it's really nice now. You kept the flow up nicely and your transitions are mostly clean. Chorus was sick too! Your flow may be different than mine reading it, but I rapped your shit out loud over this beat, and it came out nice, especially your chorus. 

 

If I'm being picky there were some words you left out in the cold within your transitions that kind of put the flow to a stop for a second. You came back and destroyed it though.

Here's what I'm talkin' bout 

Quote

Shut up and listen to my order. 
Your the peasant in the present and I'm your master with your casket.
You can diss me with whatever you may say.
But I gotta warn you that will be a big mistake.
It will be the last thing you will be able to say.
And you'll be left in dismay.
This is the first day of May.
6 days before my birthday.

Shut up and listen to my order is a good example of this. You could almost remove this line completely from the rap and you'll see a cleaner transition. If you feel like it's important to the story you're trying to tell I would keep it, and try to modify it. Then look through your rhymes one more time and see if there's anything else similar to this. 

 

I agree with anonymous9, but I also understand trying to move the story forward while keeping it in rhythm. It's really difficult. Compared to your other works, though, holy shit dog! Keep it up. You got single and double synonyms down, now I want you to try larger multi's.

 

I spit Ar*se*nic so hot that I could burn down Arsenio hall

Melt the glaciers that broke the titanic's hull 

I'm so fu*ri*ous that I make crowds delirious 

seeing me drop these bombs is like inhaling napalm 

 

Once you've improved your skills in rhyming and matching it to a flow, you can focus on your story-telling abilities. When you feel comfortable with just rhyming, try and make your message as clear as possible in your first draft (long ass bars if you have too), then come back and look at it later and try to see if you can refine those sentences. This is where large words come in handy! Not to make you sound smart, but to get your message across more cleanly.  

 

 

I'm not sure if you like to write in silence, but check out these instrumentals and see if you like writing to them

 

Here's nas on explaining his thoughts and intentions behind his rhymes

 

here's eminems & ice-t's reasons

 

Good luck man, keep grindin' you're improving!

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