Strange Predicament - You vs She

[TopCat]

Hey there folks. I am glad that I found this forum and this community. Will be sticking around for sure.

 

Currently, I am writing a song for an artist that provided me with the instrumental and the hook. He asked me to write 2 verses and a bridge.

 

Now in the chorus, he addresses his "love" interest as She. She this, she that.

 

The problem is that in the verses and bridge I've addressed her as YOU.

 

I have a question, would that be strange, because the flow of  the song itself is perfect. I tried rewriting and changing it up with She in the verses and bridge, but it's just dull. 

 

Now, there's the option to add You in the chorus as well, but then I risk too much repetition. It's a fast paced/party song, and it wouldn't be too obvious, but it still scares me a little bit.

 

What's your opinion? Should I stick to the You and She? Rewrite? What would you do?

[Lisa Gates]

Hi TopCat! Welcome! I recently read an article on " Lyrical Turn Signals" in songs. Here is the link. I think it is what you are looking for.

http://songwritingpro.com/2018/03/19/trick/

 

Can you add a pre chorus? or change the last line of the verse leading into the chorus to reflect, ask a question, or change the view so the listener knows the change is coming?

 

I wrote a song in the opposite pro-nouns from what you have. the She was in the verses then I was talking in the chorus. My lyrical turn signal example for you:

 

Verse:

In all our pictures he will smile

thinking of you all the while

this is the day i have dread

this is what she said (lyrical turn signal)

 

chorus:

He was never really mine

Our love was only for a time

I know I have to set him free

Let him go and leave him be

If I could only be that kind

 

Hop[e this helps...

Lisa

[Rudi]

Talk to the customer. Then make a 2nd post.