Coming Up For Air - a collaboration with Falkirk Poet Janet Crawford

[Jim Byrne]

Demo of my collaboration with Falkirk Poet Janet Crawford - uploaded on Soundcloud. 'Coming Up For Air'. 

 

 

 

Coming up for air 
Eyes are damp from tears 
Counting down from ten, nine, eight

 

You’re holding every hour 
Together with your trust
Every day goes, one by one

 

Do not fear, lift  your eyes 
lift them up from the ground 
Trust yourself 
Look around 
Look around ...

 

Reaching out for now
It will be alright 
Love and hope will, see you through

 

Soon the time is done
Clouds no longer drawn
The sun will burn right through

 

Do not fear, lift  your eyes 
lift them up from the ground 
Trust yourself 
Look around 
Look around … 

 

Do not fear, lift  your eyes 
lift them up from the ground 
Trust yourself 
Look around 
Look around ... 

[John W Selleck]

Hi Jim,

I like the lyric but it need to be expanded on. I think the title should be "Look Around". It is hit more often and feels like a hook. And please don't shoot me, but it doesn't feel musical to me. It feels more like background music with a poem being read. these are JMHO, Keep or Sweep.

 

Oops!, Just saw this was in showcase and I shouldn't critique at all. I will leave it up to John to delete. Sorry!

Edited July 18, 2020 by John W Selleck

[Cody]

22 hours ago, John W Selleck said:

background music with a poem being read.

 

and a song is?  If I fart in a mic and call it a song is it? YES!!!!  big digression  sorry....

 

Very folksy.....great front/back porch stuff!   Like lemonade time with a grandpa...sharing some old timey wisdom.....after some rant.......shut up kid hand me that guitar and listen  

 

Really uplifting peaceful tune! the slow almost melancholy vocal delivery really gives it a little twist  I enjoyed it.

Edited July 18, 2020 by Cody