My Isolation

[Bill Kamen]

 

[MikeRobinson]

I so absolutely love what you have done with this thing that I feel very cautious about commenting about it ... but I'd like to do so anyway, maybe because I think this song is really worth it.

 

"A song is a story, and the first verse has got to set the hook."  So, as I listened to the first verse ... in fact, two ... I still didn't see or feel the intended hook: "My Isolation."

 

My guess is that you tried to set the reason for "My Isolation" first, before setting the hook.  Instead, I suggest that you re-arrange the lyric so that we are first presented with the isolated person, then shown the reason(s) why.

 

Once you have "firmly set the hook," you then have considerable latitude, within the next few verses, to "explain why."

 

Every aspect of the production, to my mind, is "absolutely radio-ready."  But the story structure is, in my view, "not quite right."  And the "deficiencies," to me, are mostly "re-sequencing."

Edited September 28, 2021 by MikeRobinson

[Bill Kamen]

Thanks Mike

[Mora Amaro La Loba]

Hola @Bill Kamen

 

Niceto meet you!

I like how it sounds, it's very nice and fits so easily in the ear!!
I think it's an excellent job and that your voice is made for this style.
Very good song!

 

Stay well

 

Mora