Just A Warning

[Da Prophecy]

Foolish man, you’ve fallen prey to her charms.

Even though you thought that you were immune

Your walls of resistance have been disarmed

By her vibrant smile and her voice’s soft tune.

Now you’re stricken though you only see a friend

And you’re both trapped in your romantic dreams

Filled with boundless and endless passion

But you have ignored two important things.

One, though your feelings are strong, you she’ll deny

Because she’s given herself to another.

Two, though you know there’s more than meets the eye,

Her flaws would prevent you from going further.

You’re in too deep; come up and take a breath

Then step back and put your feelings to death.

[john]

Hey DP

Great! Excellent poem, although I think the last two lines are a bit weak. It's a bit like a rushed ending in a film that ran out of budget. i.e. I think it would benefit from being a little longer.

Some nice turns of phrase, and well expressed. I likey

Cheers

John

[saran]

Hello,

I love your poem. All of it! I have to disagree with John here because I actually think that the last two lines are very strong and in my opinion the best. Damn I wish I'd written them! The sudden end to your poem reflects the sudden end he must put to his feelings. I like it very much, please don't lose the last two lines. Can't wait for your next piece.

Sorry John!

[jshields]

I have to agree with Saran on this one too. I think the whole thing is great! Good all around. Short, sweet, and to the point.

[john]

out voted

[Da Prophecy]

Thanks for all of your replies.