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Skin

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Posts posted by Skin

    12 Bar Blues Cross Challenge #1

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted

    Well heres a different lyric but based on the same structure as Toms idea.

    Very many doubts but I have given it a shot.

    Cheers 

    Les

     

    I Got It Bad
     
    I got it bad, an I'm gonna take a fall
    Ooh yeah I got it bad, an I'm gonna take a fall
    I know she'll strip me to the bone, nail my skin to her wall
     
    But I got a craving, I gotta craving for her flesh
    Ooh yeah I got a craving, got a craving for her flesh
    I know she'll chew me up, toss me right out in the trash
     
    I'm gonna leave town, take the midnight train
    Ooh yeah I'm gonna leave town, take the midnight train
    I gotta get away from her, before she drives me insane
    • Like 3

    12 Bar Blues Cross Challenge #1

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted

    4 hours ago, McnaughtonPark said:

    Les, the vernacular and expression are getting closer, but I'm not sure this is fitting in the 12 bar structure still.  I mean, I don't know how you're singing the first two lines, but the last two lines fit nicely  in with a 12 bar scheme.   This is how I understand it, please someone correct me if I'm wrong because the last thing I'd want to do is misdirect Les here.   I hear the downbeat where I have numbered. 

     

      1             2          3         4                      3              4               1         2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4  = 4 bars

    You can take me to the water,  1, 2,    you can't make me swim    

     

      1             2          3         4              2          3               4               1     2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4  = 4 bars

    Take me to the water lawd,  1,     jus so you don't make me swim  

     

      1           2         3         4         1     2     3        4             1         2      3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4   = 4 bars 

     I'd sink faster than a crocodile,      with a mouthful of Big Jim    

     

    Having this as a basic structure, you can tap your hand on the desk or table or tap you foot while counting beats.  I don't know much about it Les, although, when listening to blues, if the first two couplets repeat, I know I'm listening to some variation of the 12 bar blues style.  In this case, above would be one A section, adding one more A section, and then a B section while paying attention to the refrain there to include the song title.  In the song above, I might stick with the crocodile theme since it catches my eye/ear.  A hook with an enormous bite.  Somewhere along the lines of fear being a crocodile I suppose, or addiction, or some affliction which needs resolution you know.  To me, the B section represents that resolution or solution in an AAB 12 bar song. 

     

    Tom

    Thanks Tom, heres a link to my idea of how it should sound or similar anyway.

     

    Les

    • Like 1

    12 Bar Blues Cross Challenge #1

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted

    Ok Been listening to some blues while driving and I think Ive got the an idea of this but and most likely I am wrong.

    Here's an A section, am I on the right track? Needs work lyrically but more on the way its written and you hear it thats what Im after.

     

    Its D day, we've signed our love away

    Yeah its D day baby, we've signed our love away

    You've taken everything I own

    Now I ain't got no, place too stay

     

    Cheers most knowlegable ones you are my mentors.

     

    Les

    12 Bar Blues Cross Challenge #1

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted

    Out of curiosity guys does this qualify? Still experimenting and reading stuff but your thoughts appreciated. Needs work and the 3rd line 2nd verse does not rhyme as in the 1st verse with the internal rhyme, does it matter?

     

     

    Its D day we signed the papers today
    Yeah its D day we signed the papers today
    We signed our love away now theres nothing to say
    Yeah its D day we signed the papers today
     
    I gave that woman my every breath
    Yeah I gave that woman my every breath
    She gladly took it all now theres nothing left
    Yeah I gave that woman my every breath

     

    Cheers

    Les

     

     

    12 Bar Blues Cross Challenge #1

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted

    Cheers Gary you are always helpful much appreciated.

     

    Tom I got a melody and this sounds just like I wanted too in my head of course.

    I guess this is a good structure like Gary was saying to emulate for this challenge or similar.

     

    Nice write and I bet it will sound real good.

     

    Les

     

     

    12 Bar Blues Cross Challenge #1

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted

    Just my opinion but I thought the " put me on ice" seemed rushed? Like you tried to cram it in?

    You know I'm no musician but thats what I thought.

     

    I think I might be out of my depth with this challenge as I dont really know blues or much else for that matter when it comes down to music styles and how they should be structured I just put pen to paper and hope it comes out right.

     

    Cheers for your comment and always appreciated as you know.

     

    Good luck

    Les

     

    12 Bar Blues Cross Challenge #1

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted

    17 hours ago, snabbu said:

    Hi les

    you got to leave room or the lead guitarist will not be happy. I think they get about 45 to 50 percent of the bar space for their blues riff. 

    This looks to me to be 12 bar blues half measure which is six bars, it's a variation but I think it's ok to do that. 

     blues has an a and a b part but it's not like we normally mention parts because it's all part of the verse / refrain section. So you can say the verse has motive A and motive B and if you want you can do a B section like in Bluberry Hill. But if your doing half measures you gotta do 6 verses or 4 verses a  6 bar B part and a 6 Bar coda. 

    Im hearing it like this which is 12 bar half measure. 

    Well its D day, signed the papers today

    Yea it's D day. Signed our marriage away 

    there's nothing left for us to say

    we signed our love away.

     

    if you want to check 12 bar half measure you can sing it to Lennons Yea blues 

    which from memory is that. 

     

    What your doing is 8 bar and that ain't a variation of 12 it's it's own thing I think. 

     

    Also in the blues there there is a refrain line that's the same in every verse and it can be any of the lines 

     

    so it's like it's D day, 

    I gave that woman every breath

    it's D day ( desolation baby)

    i gave that woman every breath

     

    hey the BVs just stole the lead break space 

    but you get the idea 

     

    cheers

     

    Gary 

     

     

     

     

    Cheers I will look at this some more tonight.

    Thanks 

     

    Les

    12 Bar Blues Cross Challenge #1

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted · Edited by Skin

    Ok heres mine, had an idea the day before the challenge an adapted it.

    I hope I'm on the right track. 

    Please feel free to challenge me with this as I'm no musical guru and I hear this old style with the repeats  after listening to a cd I bought.

    D-Day is the meant to mean divorce day.

    Cheers

    Les

     

     

    It's D-Day  © Lesile Serive 2016 Blues Challenge

     

    It's D-day

    We signed the papers today

    Yeah yeah yeah yeah

    It's D-day

    We signed the papers today

    There's nothing more for us to say

    We signed our love away

    Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

    It's D-day

    We signed the papers today

     

     

    I gave that women _ that woman

    My every breath

    Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

    I gave that women _ that woman

    My every breath

    She gladly took it all

    Now I'm standing like a fool

    Yeah I gave that woman

    My every breath

     

    It's D-day

    We signed the papers today

    Yeah yeah yeah yeah

    It's D-day

    We signed the papers today

    There's nothing more for us to say

    We signed our love away

    Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

    It's D-day

    We signed the papers today

    • Like 1

    12 Bar Blues Cross Challenge #1

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted

    17 minutes ago, snabbu said:

    Hi John

    A great way to take my mind of things as I sit here with a hot wheat bag on my back. :-)

    Here is my go at a 12 bar lyric.

     

    Cheers

     

    Gary

     

    Window Shopper

    © Gary Yeomans 2016

     

    Find me the doorway I gotta get out of here

    Find me the doorway I gotta get out of here fast

    She was a window shopper, liked to shop around 

    I was so easily fooled, selfishly used  

     

    Promised me passion, steamed me then put me on ice

    Promised me passion, steamed me then put me on ice fast

    She was a window shopper, looked but never touched

    I was so easily fooled, selfishly used  

     

     

    I tried to buy her, she cashed me in then sold out 

    I tried to buy her, she cashed me in then sold out fast

    She was a window shopper, bargain hunting girl 

    I was so easily fooled, selfishly used  

     

    Mate I was just gonna contact you to see if you would do some music to a lyric for this challenge! But i wont now of course as you have posted.

    i like this and got a melody straight away, glad too see you joining in on the challenge.

    Good luck

    Les

    Ballad Challenge #1

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted

    12 hours ago, JH Michaels said:

    Nice write Les!  Personally, I like "If this is the Devil's music, bring on the four horsemen"  FWIW, though, the bridge feels a bit short and stuttery (is that even a word?) at the last.  maybe changing "music" to "anthem" to rhyme better with horsemen? maybe adding two mores line for a little more depth maybe with the hook again on the last line (eg.  won't get no parole......while I ride to Rock n Roll") ?  .  Just some thoughts to consider. - John

    The bridge has been the bain of my life for ths one, I have toyed with many ideas and none seem too truely fit!

    I did have a longer version of the bridge and quite like the " riding to RnR" line but would may be use "with" instead of to.

    Thank you for taking the time to comment and sorry I could not give you a more indepth critique.

     

    Cheers

    Les

    Ballad Challenge #1

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted · Edited by Skin

    John

    Theres not much I can offer on your lyric other than a few tweaks.

    I did think the 3rd verse did not have the same flow to the melody i had for the other verses? This line makes me want to add words lol.

    Each demonic voice sings to Of each demonic voice that sings?

     

    Otherwise a good solid write that has a stong message and ticks all the boxes for the challenge.

     

    Les

    Ballad Challenge #1

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted · Edited by Skin
    After thoughts

    Heres a complete version, still unsure of it as a whole and have been twiddling with  the bridge for ages then this came out.

    Hope you enjoy the read

    Grunty rock genre!

     

    In The Name Of Rock n Roll ...copyright LGS2017
    V

    Forgive me father I have sinned

    Now the Devil owns my soul
    They tell me I will go to Hell
    In the name of Rock n Roll
     
    V
    Blackened heart twisted mind
    I've strayed outside the fold
    He knows not what he does (they cry)
    In the name of Rock n Roll
     
    I had an idea to swap these lines? 
    added to the end of the originals.
    B
    I don't need the false salvation
    Of men with lack of vision
    Bring on the four horsemen...If this is the Devils music
    If this is the Devils music........Bring on the four horsemen
    replace "Then"  with "And"
    Then I will ride with them
     
    V
    Too late now for redemption
    The bell of my master tolls
    I've chosen my own damnation
    In the name of Rock n Roll
    • Like 1
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