[Love Song Challenge 3 - The Break Up]

Hericant

 

Verse 1

There wasn't a forecast it didn't look like rain
But as soon as I got home the downpour came
I thought being inside would of kept me dry
Be we all are about to see that that's a lie
The wind started throwin shit around
So I go with the instinct to hit the ground
Damn dawg this so f*cked up
Everything is hitting the walls and tearing the house up
Glass is just shattered
But that doesn't even matter
All you can hear the wind howling
And this inning is now an outing
The door is off its hinges
Carpet peeled like oranges
And branches stuck in the walls like syringes
And a car stopped inches
Away from me
This storm crazy g

why is this happening to me

Cause I have the only house destroyed on this street because 

 

Bridge

She's a hurricane
Around she came again
She thought I was cheating
So she gave the house a beating
When she became 
A mutha f*ckin hurricane
If this is her we shouldn't be together
The aftermath doesn't seem too much better

So I'm stuck askin myself

 

Chorus 

What am I doing here

I ask myself what and i doin here (x4) 

 

Verse 2

Look at this mess I should get a maid
I wasn't worried about the wind or phased by the rain
Cause all I can think about is the pain (pane) 
Yea insurance can buy a new frame
But it can't replace the memories that were made
In the portrait
That portaried bliss
Between us through a kiss
Yea I miss those lips
And reminess
On their softness
But the attitude is what's hard
To deal with like a bad alignment on a car
Umm we ain't gettin too far 
And I only got her to blame

 

Bridge

Cause She's a hurricane
Around she came again
She thought I was cheating
So she gave the house a beating
When she became 
A mutha f*ckin hurricane
If this is her we shouldn't be together
The aftermath doesn't seem too much better

So im asking myself 

 

Chorus 

What am I doing here

I ask myself what and i doin here (x4) 

 

That's a good question to be asking myself
Actually this is better is this good for my health
Idk oh well
Now I'm calling for help
I'm sure never seen her
When she thinks she found herself a cheatha
And when she does her name is Katrina
But since its in my house it looks a whole lot meaner
So I'm now got my slate and headed to the cleaners 
Because if this is how she gets then I don't even need her
Cause there's always a chick that will treat me better
And never bring me home to this shitty weather
Cause I don't need this again
Seeing clear skies outside the door frame
And its horrible inside because 

She's a hurricane

[Id like a critque and ideas for this song.]

(verse 1)

I wouldnt say I'm  the illest nigga around
But I  got a style so sick it would infect half of town
Oh wow 
It's about to go down
I made myself so proud 
That I  made it out
No doubt
That I'll help out
My mothers 
Damn I miss my brothers 
One biological 
The other psychological 
If you saw the relationships you'd say its illogical 
To me its only probable
But i got a problem bulh
And that's my brain is a mutha f*ckin obstacle 
This depression is unstoppable 
But make me wanna stop it all
But its the only time i take my advice 
And think twice
Before grabbin a knife
To slice 
My throat 
Once i grabbed a rope
And tied of my throat
And I hopped of the bed
I didnt wish to be dead
Just lost my head
I'll a moment in time
Now let me take a moment to rhyme
To the top I'll climb
Just one day at a time
Line after line
Dime after dime
You see this shine the shit be mine

 

(hook)

Yo i need to get away 
Yea i want a get away
I can't wait for the day
I can get away
Yeah i plan to get away
So i can get away
And stay so f*ckin far away
I won't come back tomorrow 
Not another day

 

(verse 2)

Nah I got no hate for my city
But a lot of these memories make me feel shitty
Such a pity
Such a pretty city
Really is grimey gritty
Low down and shifty
Gettin rid of us swiftly 
Some i hardly knew ye
But I miss all of U.Ms fallen
Its so appallin
Got my skin crawlin
Like i was addicted to meth
For a lot addictions all they got left
Freak shit goes down in the U.M.
Bruh you thought you know him 
But didnt see the insanity 
That he'd slaughter his whole family
Like he planned it hes 
on a different planet we
Couldn't believe it gees
He OD'ed on what
After robbin what
From where 
Dawg why would he dare
Ligthbulb no socket
Probably cause of whats in his pocket
Hypodermic needles
And a bag of evil

 

(spoken word) 

Bruh I've been through some shit. We all have. Its not about who's been through some most. It should be who can endore more with a smile. That person right there sets the example for the one that can barely carry a frown. To show them I've been over the edge but i was able to reach. I've been at rock bottom and learned to climb. Its not i did it so you can. It I did it now what do you need to get here my g. Ya dig like this worlds f*cked up enough for everyone to be gunnin for the next man. Wolves hunt in packs. Lions live in prides and whales in pods. They didn't become apex predators because they fought each other. It was unity my nigga, unity

 

(verse 3)

Bruh my shit was f*cked up
You dont even know what im talkin about 
So lets explain my pain 
So i can show you that i
Know what the f*ck I mean 
About unity
Nigga f*ck 2015
Forreal my g 
I'll never swollow another pill my g
That shit kill my g
And that shit nearly killed me 
Almost literally killed me
But no fear in me
To lay on the concrete 
Of a dark street
I'll tell you this 
The shit was bliss
Alone on this road 
With no control 
Someone happens to roll
Real slow
Telephone patrol
They arrived and find I'm not high
In a psych ward 5 days where i reside
Inside i looked inside to find
I try not to survive 
So I swallowed my pride
To look inside

To see that I've been broke inside for quite some time
No reason why i wouldn't write some rhymes
To past the time 
Finding myself with psych patients
With all patience in the world
f*ck waitin for the world
To change like John Meyer said... 

 

Theres one verse left but im not sure how I'd like to continue any suggestions would be highly appreciated 

[Love Song Challenge 2 - Deep, Deep Love]

I do appreciate the words of advice tho. They didn't fall on deaf ears. 

[Love Song Challenge 2 - Deep, Deep Love]

This song is apart of a concept valentine's day ep. This song comes after a song detailing a date. So this is a song comencing the night if you catch my dirft. I wish the beat started with the hook, because the question I'm asking is to start a family. "Will you take this dance with me into forever". So when the song mentions the "dance" its in the present. Detailing the act of sex, but in a way its not all in you face. No pun intended .  There are more double meanings and word play than the couple grand, but it is highlighted to mean "I want you to build with me. That we can grow old together the way we'd like to". Its separated because something like that takes time. I'd suggest another read with a broader perspective then face value. Its quite delightful and a pretty good example of where my writing style started. 

[Love Song Challenge 2 - Deep, Deep Love]

Dance 4ever

 

Verse 1

Hands on hips
Shoulder to wrists
Lips to lips 
I can't get
Past a night like this
it's perfect 
So f*ckin worth it
I would like the chance
To ask for a dance 
Where you don't twerk it
But you still work it 
Cause we deserve it 
I got a new job and tonight in workin
On bein your man
So take my hand 
So we can 
Dance in circles to this slow jam
f*ck your old mans
Cause he don't give a damn
And can't treat you like I can
I'm a man with a plan
To take these couple dollars in my hand
And turn them to a couple grand
With a house built in the country 
of a different country
Two little puppies 
And you there to say you love me
Just so I can say it back
I feel you in my chest like a heart attack
But its really Cupid who attacked my heart
So lets not let this love fall apart 

 

Hook

I want to ask you a simple question 
Will you take this dance into forever
All I want is you to dance with me
I promise this won't be over quickly (2x)

 

Verse 2

Come on it's just us two
In the living room
With no one around
to make a sound 
As we spin around 
And I dip you almost to the ground 
Then give you a twirl
So you can take a whirl 
At being my girl
If I could change the world
Like Eric Clapton 
Then i would make it happen
But I know I can change your mind
by the end of this slow grind
I could give you my all my down time
So its like you do you 
I do me
But at the end if the day we do we 
Perfect 
Like 123
123
Never missing a beat
But always missing feet 
But won't be discret
You can make me a happy man 
By helping make this couple grand
on top of the world is where we stand
hand in hand
Man oh man
You're perfect for a slow jam
So let's keep spinning like blade fans 
And not stop til the am
Like the last track I'm finished playin

 

Hook

I want to ask you a simple question 
Will you take this dance into forever
All I want is you to dance with me
I promise this won't be over quickly (2x)