The Beast Within

[Fairygothmother69]

Based on real events.............

The Beast Within

Swimming around in the sea of insanity,

Our lives become linked - its all interplanetary,

Words and names, people are such a bore,

Your only excitement is screwing with the whore.

Membranes of memories, kicking through the light,

People used to tell you that your future was bright,

But the swirling uneasiness that is your saviour now,

Sends another dimension - the evil screaming cow.

A never-ending circle of excuses and regret,

The lies and the stealing and the hate and the debt,

Dragging people down that would seem so uninvolved,

Then along comes your whore and your problems all seem solved.

Insufficient facilities but you forget to care,

The whore is always with you, smiling in her lair,

A flicker of the norm, just a technical hitch,

Just a second later and you're dancing with the bitch.

Not a strain of happiness remains within your marrow,

The essence of a joke lies in the straight and narrow,

Death is eagelry waiting, his cloak is wearing thin,

But one remains your saviour - your bitch, your whore, your heroin.

[Trimmtrabb]

That's quite clever. Only in the last line did I figure out that the "whore" was actually heroin and rereading it, it seems obvious. To improve it, I would consider editing the line: "then along comes your whore and your problens all seem solved". Personally I found it to be cacophonous and I would consider changing it to "then along comes your whore and all problems seem solved".

Another point would possibly replacing the words "bitch" and "whore" because to me they're not very poetic.

Edited August 13, 2012 by Trimmtrabb

[Fairygothmother69]

Hi and thanks for your comments!

The line you suggested changing I feel works as it is and keeps the rhythm going.

I agree - 'bitch' and 'whore' aren't very poetic, but then again neither is heroin a subject you would expect to read a poem about!! Personally, having seen the whole story above unfold over a number of years, I can truly say that the words 'bitch' and 'whore' - although not very poetic - are required to get across the true gravity that such a substance can have on a person.

Please dont take this as me not taking your comments on board - the points you raise are valid, however these are my true justifications for them

FGM