Washing Line

[Rudi]

2 Versions. Both written pretty quick as an excercise. Dunno which is better

Washing Line (mach 1)

Billowing wind gave the night gown form

On the washing line it was worn

Lurching like a rag doll yearning

Liberty denied, its tethers spurning

Of the north gusts the animating force

Careless of consequence, empty of remorse

Karma acting on wood and twine

Sails in human form incline

Washing Line (mach 2)

Blustering wind gives the night gown form

About the driven air its worn

Reaching like a ghostly carcass

The penalty for attire mark us

Egress granted at the sleeves

Regardless of the style of weaves

Eager spirit of the air

Dancing in our daily wear

RZS

[nigel lawry]

hi rudi..

i like both of them but if i hsd to choose i would go with the first one as it has a lot more "imagery"

welcome back

[Alistair]

I agree - the first has more of a natural flow, the second feels a little driven by the need to rhyme.

[Rudi]

uh huh!

I think your're both right. Thanks boys.