What do you think of these lyrics?

[Kit]

I’ve been getting into songwriting/writing lyrics again so I’m a little rusty. But I’ve been writing down lyrics that been popping up in my head. I only have a chorus and another bit. I don’t know if this will be all one song.

 

chorus:

can anyone hear me?

is anyone ever listening?

maybe they think that I’m brave

maybe they think I’m stronger than I really am

can anyone see me?

is anyone ever looking? 
 

then for the small big of lyrics:

im just a ghost 

floating away 

I’m just a ghost 

slowly fading away

 

what do you think about the lyrics? Any criticism would be great.

 

thank you 

[Danidog]

Hi Kit, it is a start but there's not enough at this point to critique. What you have is definately worth pursuing and completing. Looking forward to see where you take this, good luck with it!

[MikeRobinson]

Good "fiction-writer's thought" here is this:  "first, set up your story ... whatever it is ... and only then finish it."

 

The lyrics that you have right now consist of the narrator talking about himself:  there is, as yet, no context that I can relate to, which could serve to "draw me into it."

 

Therefore – in an economy of one or two lines, do these two things:

1. Create a fictional situation in which your protagonist can be a Hero.
2. Make him/her a hero!

"Self-absorbed self-doubt" is not what fiction-buyers come to see.  While you can indulge one or two lines to this, what they want is resolve, followed by either decisive action or, as the case may be, decisive promise of future action.

 

"Yes, you must be a story-teller."  Your protagonist needs to be set upon a journey ... or, about to embark on one ... or at least with a clear picture of what the confronting situation actually is (which you  now share with the rest of us).

Edited April 15, 2020 by MikeRobinson

[IsaiahCharles]

On 4/15/2020 at 2:12 PM, Kit said:

I’ve been getting into songwriting/writing lyrics again so I’m a little rusty. But I’ve been writing down lyrics that been popping up in my head. I only have a chorus and another bit. I don’t know if this will be all one song.

 

chorus:

can anyone hear me?

is anyone ever listening?

maybe they think that I’m brave

maybe they think I’m stronger than I really am

can anyone see me?

is anyone ever looking? 
 

then for the small big of lyrics:

im just a ghost 

floating away 

I’m just a ghost 

slowly fading away

 

what do you think about the lyrics? Any criticism would be great.

 

thank you 

Hi kit ...

your lyrics look like a child's play. have you written before any lyrics? it seems that it's your first attempt.
if it's first then nice.
if you have any other stuff about lyrics please share.