Well, the Lions Club have decided there will be no entertainment at Garibaldi Days this year. Not just no “Deathgrass,” but no anybody—no Talent Show, no middle-school rock bands. Nada. They say it’s because they couldn’t get it together (of course, they didn’t involve me—but I’m not sure how much help I would have been). I’m sure Garibaldi Days will come off fine without entertainment—it is their 50th anniversary, and they should get big crowds anyway thanks to the economy forcing folks to do their touristing closer to home. I’ll miss the notoriety, of course, but it feels wrong in principle, too, to have a festival without music, even if it isn’t me. It’ll feel like a silent movie.

Of course, there will still be music being played. It just won’t be there. The Friday Night Group will still presumably be playing at City Hall (though I don’t know if they’ll be mentioned in the Garibaldi Days program if I’m not designing the program), and there will presumably still be music Saturday afternoon at the Tillamook Library. And I’ll be at those places because the silence at Garibaldi Days will get on my nerves.

Well, if July’s a bust, August and September are tentatively shaping up to be better—and I should make sure it stays that way. August 7 (a Saturday) is that writers’ conference in Portland—a paying gig they still haven’t confirmed. August 27 (a Friday) I play with Dan Doshier at the Southern Oregon Songwriters concert in Central Point. The Garibaldi Food Pantry is ready for another “Deathgrass” concert; the ideal date would be Saturday, August 21—the Dance Floor at City Hall should be available. The Bay City centennial celebration is Labor Day weekend, and “Deathgrass” is supposed to be playing (for free) Sunday, Sept. 5. And the “Joe Concert” at the Bay City Arts Center (paying gig) is Sat., Sept. 25. If the Rocktoberfest happens (and I believe it’ll only happen if it’s a paying gig), it’ll be the weekend of Sept. 18-19.

I might have nine songs now for the “12 Reasons Why Joe is Going to Hell” album. Not in any kind of order, they are:

Can I Have Your Car When the Rapture Comes?—slow & sleazy

Bungee Jumpin’ Jesus—mod. speed Gospel

The Abomination Two-Step—fast bluegrass

Dirty Deeds We Done to Sheep—Johnny Cash-style rock ‘n’ roll

Electronic Love—slow & sleazy

In the Shadows, I’ll Be Watching You—slow & sleazy two-step

The Dead Sweethearts Polka—fast bluegrass

Song for Charity (and Faith, and Hope)—fast bluegrass

Angel in Chains—country death metal

Four are religious (of course—one can’t go to Hell without religion), and the rest are just subjects that make people go “eww.” The band could probably do a good job on all of them (I could see Mike having a lot of fun with “Deeds,” and Doc with “Electronic Love,” and John and Chris both enjoying “Angel in Chains,” since they don’t get to play much heavy metal). I did spring “Shadows” on the Friday Night Group, telling them I needed to practice it before performing it at the Thirsty Lion Tuesday night, and people did like it—we even had couples up dancing, which was a big surprise.

The Darth Vader theme has only two chords, near as I can tell—but when it morphs into the “Darth Vader Blues,” it’s going to need three, I think. The musical score for the “Pig Wars” video needs to be a little over three minutes, and I can put an applause track at the very end of the score, so it’ll happen right when Southern Pigfish’s credit appears on the screen. (Since the band doesn’t exist, the only way they can get applauded is by people who don’t exist, either.)

Job interview is July 22. What can I accomplish between now and then?

Joe