[The Question]

Thank you for your reply I appreciate the insight. I wrote this about 16years ago but I remember feeling a desperate need to express my struggle to those who I cared about. At a time I felt rejected. I wouldn't get an opportunity to have an open conversation but really needed to express it. So this is what I did. I always thought it wasnt finished but i guess it was cause it remains as is

[The Question]

Wow I guess im not expressing anything understandable to anyone else . No one has any feed back? Ok Well I guess thats feedback in itself. I think I will still leave it.I would like anyones comment thanks

[The Question]

questions questions round and round....

just look at me now

these wheels in my head

spinnin round and round

not up nor down

but I wouldnt call em level

somewhere in between

sweet and big bad rebel

im glad my conscience is still workin

though its growing colder

I compromised once,

got the devil on my shoulder

the fiend is coming out

and Im obsessing again

one more time I find the dopeman

is my best friend

All of my convictions

Flushed down the drain

Till a hardened psyco ogre

is all that remains

All of the bad habits

I strived to reform

Are creepin up and takin over

till the beast is reborn

I struggle and I squirm

Puttin uo my best fight

Powerless I fail

Im wrapped to tight.

With tears of anger

in the shadows of shame

I hide sinkin deeper

Got myself to blame

Still I refuse to admit

that the altered within

who is dirty rotten evil

and claimin a win

Is now in charge

runnin the show

hitten hard

servin the blows

Increasing speed of destruction

I need to be stopped

Out of control I get carless

Im caught by the cops

Now all that Ive done

Compounds with a crash

My feet are knocked from under

fall flat on my ass

Bend squat and cough

the whole routine

Demoralized already

Got no self esteem

Filled with guilt

I lie on my bunk

and my reality again

my dreams Ive sunk

So now what do I do?

Where do I go from her

How do I pick myself up?

Im full of guilt and fear

I failed again

and I just cant see

any light in the tunnel

Its black as can be.

So in the darkness I grope

Confussed and blind

God I know u see me

Please untangle my mind

Help me escape

from this bondage inside

Its consuming my life

keeping me confined.

round and round with questions

why?

why ve I given all I got

Just to be high

[Untitled And Unfinished For Another Free Time]

i want to erase this and start over but i dont have an edit button today

[Untitled And Unfinished For Another Free Time]

all you owned

you were wearin

when you walked through the door

then five years later

you aint come up

anymore

[Untitled And Unfinished For Another Free Time]

I really need to edit this I can see where I somehow jumbled my sentences so let me fix that rigt here . I would apreciate any an all critique offered on unfinished work unless it needs to be finished before a critique is warrented. here it is semi edited

First things first

Lets get down to business

If you aint runnin nothin

I dont need a witness

I dont need extra weght

Can be poor on my own

you aint bringin me up

so leave me alone

im bout to tell you

what u r

and it aint nothin nice

your a back stabbin mother

can i get more precise

im bout to break it down

so that you understand

how weak your game makes ya

just a boy

not a man

i aint no school girl

and ur lazy

ass aint cool

go to your own house

or your mamas

have her cook you some food

i can dig some company on weekends

once in awhile

but i aint one to be just hangin out

bummin

that aint my style

a grown man needs to work

ya,thats whats up

stead of gettin high plottin who will get took

Give urself along serious

look in the mirror

you aint a kid like how your actin

can i be any clearer

Nobody wants to carry your weight

what makes you think

you got it comin

man giveme a break.

you strut when you walk

cause you think

your all pimped out

and then you brag about the bar flys

that let you take them out

Really dude

stop

its even embaressing to see

and then after observing yyour ridiculous acts

U want to ask out me

Are you kidding

foolio

are you makin a joke

ill never be that lonely

desperate or broke

Ive tried to be polite

and brush off the insult

but you wouldnt just drop it

so heres the results

I took you just to help you out

and i guess you got it twisted

what helpin you was about

all you owned when you walked

through the door

and five years later

u couldnt show much more

[Untitled And Unfinished For Another Free Time]

First things first

lets get doen to business

if you aint runnin nothin

i dont need a witness

i dont need extra weight

can be poor on my own

you aint bringin me up

so leave me alone

im bout to tell you what you are

and it aint nothin nice

your a back stabbin motha

can i get more precise

im bout to break it down

so you understand

how weak your game makes u

just a boy not a man

you come over my house

hangin out with my friend

actin real polite

to see where ya fit in

I aint no school girl

who thinks a your lazy ass is cool

and though companyonthe weekend

a grown man should be goin to work not be out actin a fool.

then night afr night

you both start visitin.

i noticed evertime

you got on your phone

you sure werent quite

i should have known

when you started cussin snd yellin

put that base in your tone.

That you really had no regard for respect

and recogonized the size of your intelect

when you were just some dude

brought to my house

You let everyone know

you had a fight with spouse

As time went on i saw how you got down

You would lie and cheat and twist things around

then you walk back in claimin

you worked it all out.

Dont you know a reputation

is made on what others see

I dont need that bullshit you do

affectin me

you must think im stupid or maybe think I cant see

[Keep Dreaming]

I m not sure what you are meaning when you say kick it to the children who. It sounds like kick it to , means to me , kick them to the curb , but the surrounding sentence makes me think that is not what you mean . I think you are wanting to imply, kickin it with, the children who.Also because everyone is gifted on there own unique way, the part where it says , "thinkin they should be gifted too, might be re worded somehow, a suggestion , maybe say thinkin there game is smooth or there being true or something other than thinking they should be gifted, cause again, everyone is gifted. O thonk this is a postive message you want to express and i like that idea

[Keep Dreaming]

Hey ot flows better. What did you change? Was it the word who? Or did you put in commas differently? I like it .Great job