JaySkathe
-
Posts
4 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Events
Blogs
Gallery
FAQ
Interviews
Featured Artist
Featured Lyricist
Radio Contacts
Showcase
Downloads
Store
Posts posted by JaySkathe
-
-
My overall opinion about your work here is definitely mainly positive. I'll try to articulate as best I can... The progression is nice and smooth, meaning its easy to read and flows well. I tried hearing the words out loud in my head to get a feel for the way it might sound and again it seemed to transition smoothly.
My one criticism would be (and this really isn't a big deal), but it seems to me that you start a lot of your lines with "I" and throughout " I " is recurring maybe more times than it has to. Again i don't think this really takes away from the work as a whole, but maybe just something to consider?
You can probably remove the " i " from lines like"
On 8/25/2015, 7:53:09, ImNobodyButMe said:I just want us to be perfect
On 8/25/2015, 7:53:09, ImNobodyButMe said:I wanna talk to you but I start chokin'
On 8/25/2015, 7:53:09, ImNobodyButMe said:I cant be what I wanna be
Even if you just drop the " i " you can say the sentence without replacing it and it still has the same effect.
That's the only thing that came to mind as a possible change to steer away from potential repetitive parts.
Thanks you for sharing, I enjoy your work very much!
Jay
-
Who's Online 0 Members, 0 Anonymous, 18 Guests (See full list)
- There are no registered users currently online
TOP DOG
in Feedback
Posted
Are you looking for feedback on this?