My overall opinion about your work here is definitely mainly positive. I'll try to articulate as best I can... The progression is nice and smooth, meaning its easy to read and flows well. I tried hearing the words out loud in my head to get a feel for the way it might sound and again it seemed to transition smoothly.
My one criticism would be (and this really isn't a big deal), but it seems to me that you start a lot of your lines with "I" and throughout " I " is recurring maybe more times than it has to. Again i don't think this really takes away from the work as a whole, but maybe just something to consider?
You can probably remove the " i " from lines like"
Even if you just drop the " i " you can say the sentence without replacing it and it still has the same effect.
That's the only thing that came to mind as a possible change to steer away from potential repetitive parts.
Thanks you for sharing, I enjoy your work very much!
Jay
