[WORK IN PROGRESS]

this a rap attack not a trap attack

you got drama boy i ain't catchin that

got my own check yeah i'm cashin that

take the whole hit yeah i'm cashin that

you hashin back old memories for my mental slack

i'm flashin back to 3 am can't outrun my mental past

you a crazy bitch i remember that but..

girl you f*ckin with my emotions

and you're f*ckin up my notions

were so same but so different

come together like atlantic versus pacific oceans

poppin up and down like a roller coaster

got me poppin off like i'm off my holster

 

[Work in progress]

dope as hell man i'm gonna be lookin out for you. 

[Who The F*** Are You]

oh alright, you're good.

[Who The F*** Are You]

2 minutes ago, HoboSage said:

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?

[Who The F*** Are You]

Thought it'd be fun to try a trap type song. Let me know what you think about it critique is always welcomed!

 

don't know who the f*ck you is

raps be stinky like a deuce is

see yall niggas later like dueces

my raps tellin stories like dr suess is

 

you're unknown nigga

better send a drone nigga

i'm just chillin and sippin on my patron nigga

 

yeah i got that cat in the hat and i rap that

get my pack back in my backpack bringing rap back like nigga so fast

on my pokemon ratatatat  

bitch so fine ima tap that

lil johnny down bring the trap back

cop settin traps and i catch that

planning so good you can't hatch that

feelin drake in a subaru hatch back

movin on like that's the last pack

bitches attackin me on twitter wit a hashtag

niggas tellin me like man i wish i had that

and i think it's kinda sad that

most yall niggas dont know where you stand at

but look at me that's just where my brand at

niggas ask me if i know that nigga brandon

i'm like no but i know my star wars and i'm landin like calrissian

science bitch

nuclear fission

country boy and i'm out here fishin then

but sadly this verse is finishin

if you want more then get to listenin and wishin that

ima rap that never wrap that all my craps at where i lack that

my raps are a mystery scooby doo better crack that

but everybody knows that shaggy is a crack head

and boo hoo your childhood so sad

nigga ain't nobody care shits too bad

shots flyin and you'll catch that

money leavin the room better get that cash back

i'm like f*ck a nigga and his snapback

hit ya girl up last night on my snapchat

young niggas like eggs better hatch that

nigga learn where your buckets at

aye dog where my nigga t buckets at

promise you i’m the most crazy nigga to date

 

yesterday you said tomorrow and now it's today

how damn long you tryna wait

you a f*ck boy never take ya girl out on a date

postin on twitter like you want a tbh and rate

like really nigga? is that how you gon win your mate?

life ain't fair life ain't fair call that shit a stalemate

swag so bright im finna blind a mate

they be settin me up like blind dates

and damn i  wish i was blind on that date

cuz that hoes face so ugly it was blindin me mane

 

you're unkown nigga

i'm just chillin and sippin on my patron nigga

 

and shit i ain't a bettin man

but i'm bettin you won't catch me frettin man

look around at all this shit who the f*ck you think set it man

rollin round in my muthaf*ckin sudan

niggas playin like i ain't got no muthaf*ckin floor plan

i'm blowin this shit up like it's iran

don't be jealous just cuz i rap better than you can

only thing yo ass good for is a spray can

kill all y'all niggas and get the throne that's my game plan

sittin at home at the bottom that's how this shit began

ohh these verses gettin hot better turn up the attic fan

cookin these niggas and flippin packs like a muthaf*ckin frying pan

and you know i'm cashin out like the goddamn bank of japan

don't think i'm a fool cuz i'm intelligent

workin on my muthaf*ckin stock purchase plan

gettin ready to wheel yo junk ass out like a trash can

why are you so borin? change your name to raisin bran

ima do me and you could f*ck off that's the master plan

went to your girls house 4 times this week that's my travel plan

i'm so high on life that i'm flyin right by like i'm muthaf*ckin peter pan

don't scrutinize me i know that i'm rollin round in a mini van

but none of y'all niggas can understand my secret plan

use your mind i'm just buildin up my pension plan

just watch next week ima be floatin round in my cataran

nigga please i'm bringin up all these young kids like a watering can

probably already lost half y'all bitch ass niggas with no attention span

 

you don't know who you're f*ckin with

got my own religion like joseph smith

i'm craftin my words i guess i'm a wordsmith

one day niggas speak my name like a damn myth

all y'all niggas so sour be tastin like some damn granny smith

no chorus nigga only verse is what i'm sayin

f*ck you thinkin that i'm playin

ain't no games out here man we slayin and we slangin

niggas gettin uneasy and they be swayin

y'all niggas better bring what you owe cuz i'm weighin

if you f*ckin with this crew you best be prayin

cuz all my niggas hungry and we preyin

puttin bodies down and we layin

shit don't bother me that's just what i'm sayin

don't need no piece on my belt cuz my words be sprayin

aye i just wanna know who i can trust i'm surveyin

spread your feathers out and get to displayin cuz i ain't playin this delayin

watch yo ass that's what i'm sayin i ain't playin sweepin around as i'm aimin

all this hate is frustratin i feel like y'all ain't even participatin

better catch up real quick cuz there ain't no waitin

smokin the troubles away spend the whole night bakin

livin life like you on top and all you do is fake it

can't pretend to be happy and dance the night away like kevin bacon

........ now take some some time to be reawakened

 

[Our World]

I'm looking for some feedback on how I can generally improve this piece and advice on how to continue.

 

everybody only worryin about a brand new car

and kids these days don't know who they really are

they tell you jump for the star as if that's really far

this culture is how kids will end up sittin on a bar

and sure you could say that my rappin is pretty up to par

but if i'm doin me and you're doin you it doesn’t even matter

 

kids in the school nowadays actin like sharks as they encircle

these bitches preyin on you cuz you're different just like Steve Urkel

all of life's universal

that shit come back like a full circle

i cant believe its so hurtful

when these bullies get so verbal

keep your shell hard like a turtle

know you above em like the color purple

people puttin down people and that's just today's culture

got niggas jumpin over hurdles just to get to the herbals

dont pick on a nigga cuz he got his pokemon squirtle

for all you know he's makin your girl go squirtle

all these losers gloin up now cuz they fertile

[Atelophobia]

15 minutes ago, Madkol said:

Damn bro, you gotta publish these songs so I can hear that on the radio. Shit's badass!!

Thanks bro, that means a lot! 

[Quick Verse For Rap Compitition. Bb(Our Deepest Fear)]

second line of second verse could do without the first "to" and just change "sentence" to "sentenced". also could be a little more consistent in content. you go from having the most real shit ever written and having to be near to success to not having the balls to try and having life pass you by

[TOP DOG]

seems kind of simple and rushed. there is an apparent lack of effort to it like a freestyle? not to say it's particularly bad because there is some potential. you just have to think these through more than just putting words that rhyme together down on paper. explore more rhyme schemes too you could improve even more with better structure. you can check my profile out and see if you like it. if you do, then feel free to message me and i'd be glad to see if we could put something together 

[pure love baby]

Got some spelling issues, and it could flow better. I'm sure it has to do with your time limit, but i'd like to see how some of your shit comes out if you spent a little more time and thought on them.

[Twisted & Tangled]

got some bars man. keep em coming

[Messing around freestyle]

Pop in my new cd

Call me papa in new guinea

Yall poppin crude scrutiny

Bullet holes bullet holes

I got a screw in me

This rap shit is old

Aint none of this new to me

Flo is so ill, like I got the rap flu in me

f*ck that isis. Asshad. Where that Putin be.

f*ck that crisis. It's hard. Niggas they shootin me.

Can't handle success. All the hate is just boostin me.

[Atelophobia]

haha thanks man. 

[Side Effects]

Those are great hip-hop lyrics. I think what distinguishes rappers and makes them better than the others is their ability to not only rhyme, but to rhyme smoothly and tell a story. There are no made up words in here just to make it rhyme, and you can tell it wouldn't be a beat focused song. It would focus on the story and lyrics. Real piece right here man keep killing it.

[You]

The way this scheme flows is hella smooth. Not choppy at all. Great lyrics too. I'd definitely continue with this one man. Good shit.

[Atelophobia]

Looking for feedback.                                                                   

 

 

Atelophobia

 

I don't f*ck with your capacity for apprehension

i'm approximate with the proximity of tension

puttin in the recension on the quotation of my descension

gotta elevate to acquire this level of ascension

gotta ameliorate on your tendencies

don’t celebrate all your improprieties

niggas domin’ on me so silently

f*ckin with me means accepting your fate

tough break

 

thats your predestination not mine

i'm getting ready for my commencement time

aye dog you got my acceptance tie?

lemme hear that compliance line

right here’s that defiance and wine

i'm my own guy but if i was drake i'd spend a year on every line

i put consideration into my creation, y'all perform desecration on your procreation

i don't get how people be into this hypocrisy

think about the plank in your own eye honestly

maybe you're not on top. i mean its a probability

but yall niggas think everything is a liability

you'll never claim legitimate credibility

that shit can't match up to my capability

i can't even take a step outside without my niggas standin right there with me

 

i'm not saying that i'm superior

i'm not even sayin yall are inferior

 

shouldn't say that shit at all

that's how all my shit’ll fall

 

i'm executin and concludin

niggas need to get up and start doin

life can’t be endlessly interludin

understand that you're just a student

 

invest in the trial and gain back in the dividend

i know my shit is fire n’ i preach to the very end

i don't need one single nigga to tell me where i'm at

if you gon step up step up, and that's that

 

hoes so hungry it's like they anorexic

bitches be changing their waistline like its elastic

they even think that's fantastic

but don't you want to be emblematic or idiosyncratic

i don't understand why people all wanna be the same

that's a damn shame cause all those kids ain't gon’ achieve their fame

these niggas is so lame

their verses are so tame

when i catch up and save the dame

ima catch these niggas face and put it in a frame

 

[The System]

I like your message, and I think other people will find it relative. However, this is a very common and mainstream position take at this point in time. Definitely not saying that it is not a good position. You should definitely still keep with it, but tweak it and add more unusual elements. If you want your position to stand out above all the others out there, then you have to put something on there that is unique and passionate enough to convince people that this is something you actually are enthusiastic about. Enthusiasm is the most attractive feature in music especially in rap. Think, have you ever heard a good rapper be monotone or conformist? They all have their own individual attitude in their works. I'm sure you have some great stuff firing off in your mind so just write it all down and don't hold back. Also some of the diction is choppy such as "the rich stay rich and you believe parties which tell you a lie to get in power" the lines and rhymes cut off mid sentence and disturbs the flow. But hey man good job overall and keep on speaking on important issues.

[Nasty Freestyle]

I like it, nice flow.

[Keep Dreaming]

I love the idea of this piece. It could probably use some tweaking to make it flow a little bit. Take a look at the structure and i'm sure you can improve and provide a more smooth deliverance, but I really like where it's going.

[Everybody Lies]

Everybody lies

Everybody got their own lord of the flies

Secrets and lies

People aint never really wise

When people used to tell me shit I never thought otherwise

I thought niggas was real and didn’t tell no lies

I trusted those niggas to keep my faith

All they did was tear it away

Turned me around made me run the other way

Now I think in a new way

The real way

Life ain’t always about the sun’s ray

Sometimes you gotta live with the rain

 

Cuz everybody lies

Everybody got they own way

Everybody thinks they wise

And f*ck a nigga thinkin otherwise

 

They had a young boys life to mold

I should thank them for the man I can now behold

In years I am young but in experience I grow old

This is life so grab your hunny and bring her in close

But if too much trust start

Watch for the knife she will slip in your heart

 

Cuz everybody lies

Everybody got they own way

Everybody think they wise

And f*ck a nigga thinkin otherwise

 

They say you don’t really know what you got till it’s gone

Well now I know and i’m about to kick its ass back to day one

I dont give a f*ck what they really want

I know what they deserve and I wanna be the one who serves

Cuz revenge is a dish best served cold

And i’m running back on them niggas like batman the brave and the bold

If you tryna stop me you might as well fold

Cuz God knows this nigga won’t stop to the day he grow old

And if these bitches, these snitches, these f*ckin itches under my skin dont stop talking and causin me to sin then ima have to shut they asses up to the count of ten then bury them niggas 6 feet in

 

Cuz everybody lies

Everybody think they the nigga with the clear blue eyes

They say death to a nigga that states on the other side

They manipulate then smile wide

These niggas days is ova

Cuz ima tear their raw hide

So violently a nigga gon stand there wide eyed

Look through the white soulless eyes

Welcome yo muthaf*ckin demise

Let me see the evil flee your eyes

Your fall brings about my rise

One door closes another opens wide

So come and get it there’s no point in tryna hide

Pick a side

Live

Or die

Looking for feedback on these lyrics. What do you guys think? Spent a bit of time on this one and it has personal relevance.